Stress

Stress has certainly taken its toll on me. The past four months actually the past year has been extremely stressful. Yes, I do know I caused this stress on myself and it is all my fault. There is no but or however I caused this situation and now I am paying the consequences. It is strange how I have felt this stress in different situations most notably my exercising routine. Yesterday I ran for the first time in over a month because my knee was bothering me. I was feeling good so I decided to run 7 1/2 miles a very light pace; well; my legs haven't felt this sore since I ran my first marathon 3 years ago. I can usually cover 7 1/2 miles in a little under an hour yesterday I did in a little over an hour and my legs feel like they are old man legs (no offense to the old men in the audience). I know I have taken a month off from running but I have been cycling in the meantime and even that has become more difficult. I get tired a lot fast than previously and I know it has to do with my self inflicted stress I have put on myself and my family.

I was hoping to do three marathons this year. I was planning on running the Los Angeles Marathon in March (which was 5 days after "the" day), the San Diego Marathon in June and the New York Marathon in November. I obviously missed the L.A. and San Diego Marathons and the New York Marathon I had to get into a lottery to see if I would be eligible to run. I entered the lottery back in December (before everything was official) and last week I was notified I have been selected to run in the New York Marathon. I have very pressing matters to attend to before November so I will defer my entry to next year. Sometimes even the best laid plans go astray.

There are two things I enjoy (other than spending time with my wife and children) doing; running and playing golf. Both of these have been curtailed do to my "problems". Running is certainly less expensive than golf but I need to get my "old man" legs in shape to start to "enjoy" it more. In my previous position I rarely ever paid for golf and tried to play at least 3 or 4 times a month. I didn't like taking time away from my family but what I didn't realize I was doing this with my secret gambling life anyway. I think I tried to justify everything, if I don't play golf and spend time with my family I can surely place a few bets, very selfish thinking. There is no justification to make any sense out of what I have done to my family and myself. The focus is finding the true meaning and sense of purpose and this will NOT include justifications of any kind.