6:00 A.M.

It was 6:00 a.m. this morning and my son comes into our bedroom and informs my wife and I "the pool guys are here and they are fixing the pool". Then he shuts the door and goes back in the hallway. A few minutes later he comes back in our room fully dressed and ready for school. This is what I would call a proper wake up call!! Yes, you did read it correctly the pool people were here and they put in the final phase which was the plaster. We knew they were coming but we didn't expect them to come so early we were told they would be here around 11:00 am. This is the type of mistake I can certainly live with because we have been waiting almost one year since they broke ground on the pool. As I write this we are actually putting water in the pool. Barring any unforeseen catastrophes my children should be swimming by Wednesday.

I know the completion of the pool is a very trivial matter in the grand scheme of my life but my poor wife has been waiting so long for the completion of the pool. I am so happy we are still in the house so she and the children can enjoy it for a few months. Now some of you maybe asking did I do what I did so I could have a pool in my backyard and the answer would be a resounding no. In case you haven't been paying attention to these blogs are the past four months I did what I did so I could propel my fantasy life in gambling. This fantasy life and the world of denial caused me to do the things I did. By no means does this lessen or make what I did right; I take fully responsibility for my actions and will face some severe consequences in the very near future. I will not bore anyone with how I am taking the steps to get my life back together but not gambling; getting to understand myself; having the support of my family; going to Gamblers Anonymous; has certainly helped me find my true self.

Here is a story about a teacher in West Virginia who has decided to go public with her gambling addiction. The first sentence of the story reads; "Think you know what a gambling addict looks like? You might be surprised." The next few sentences are my opinion and please take this for what it is worth, maybe very little. It is amazing to me how the main stream media and for that matter the main stream public do not understand compulsive gambling. Fifty years ago compulsive gamblers were mostly male and could be found at the racetrack or local crap game. Today the compulsive gambler is the school teacher, college student, single mother, accountant, police Officer, attorney, high school student and retiree. It doesn't matter what social or economic background the compulsive gambler comes from (this includes me; very middle class background, mother a school teacher and father a fire captain) it knows no boundaries. Someone who works with compulsive gamblers. drug addicts and alcoholics once told me the programs for compulsive gamblers to seek treatment is where the programs for alcoholics and drug addicts were 50 years ago.

The world has change so much in fifty years but gambling has now become socially acceptable. I am certainly not against gambling. It provided a good living for me and my family for many years. I am for education, rehabilitation and awareness of this disease. Yes, it is a disease of the mind and makes rational people do irrational things. Many reading this just don't believe it but just ask anyone with an addiction and they will tell you the same things. These are not weak people these are normal people with a problem. Sometimes (like in my case) this problem consumes your life and there are only three ways to get out, prison, insanity or death. In some cases the compulsive gambler feels even after being in prison or being insane there is no way out and commits suicide. Yes, compulsive gambling has the highest suicide rate of any addiction because for the most part the only person that knows about the compulsive gambling is the compulsive gambler. By the time the spouse or family member finds out about the financial debacle the compulsive gambler has caused it appears to be too late and the unthinkable happens.

Life is worth living and it was worth living WITHOUT gambling. As each day passes I start to see things inside of me I never knew existed. It really is about self awareness and I have been blessed with a tremendous support group and no matter what happens to me my life is actually better now than it was 6 months ago. People can recover from a compulsive gambling addiction but it takes a great deal of commitment, hard work and support. I am so very happy to have found all three of these and my life gets better one day at a time.