Fortunate

Yesterday my wife and my mother put together a fantastic birthday party to celebrate my 40 years. When my wife first asked me if I wanted a birthday party I instantly said no. I reverted to the self pity stating I didn't deserve a birthday party. My wife was very insistent and told me my mother was flying out from the East Coast and she also wanted me to have the party. I certainly cannot argue with my wife and mother (who incidentally are the two most influential people in my life) so we had the party yesterday. There were some old dear friends and some new dear friends. I want to thank everyone for coming and owe a great deal to each person at the party. Without all of them I wouldn't be where I am today.

When I agreed with my wife and said yes to the party she said you are only going to invite the important people in your life. My reply was this is all that is left in my life the important people. I have discovered who the really important people in my life are and they were all at the party. Some people I have known such a short time yet I feel and instant connection and others I have always felt the same connection and by them coming to the party solidifies to me their special relationship. I must qualify one of my statements; not all of the important people were at the party there are some very important people to me across this country and distance certainly precluded them from coming. The immediate (vicinity) circle of friends attended the party.

The question was asked if I had this party one year ago who would have attended. I think there would have been less people and some people would have "stopped by". They would not have stayed very long but rather made an "appearance" out of a professional courtesy. No one just stopped by yesterday; everyone stayed and I think everyone had a good time. I continue to learn so much and I know I have so much more to learn about myself, life, people and other things. I am truly amazed how fortunate I am to have so many magnificent people in my life.

I would like to thank my wife and mother for putting together a great party. They both did a remarkable job. I have put each one of them through some very difficult times and will continue in the future yet each one believes in me. Whatever happens in the future I know right now I am on the right road to recovery.

There are people out there that are detractors to me and cannot understand how I could have done such a terrible thing. Honestly, looking from the outside in I can understand their position. I do have a disease which caused me to do those terrible things and now I have finally recognized and admitted I have this disease. I am taking medication to keep this disease dormant and will continue to take this medication daily. I am not a bad person and I did some bad things but my intention was to NEVER hurt anyone. I apologize to those that I have hurt and no matter what happens to me life will continue to go on. I am living my life so differently and I like the results.

Happy birthday to my previous boss Ryan, happy 35th. I hope you have a wonderful birthday with your daughters. They grow up so fast, enjoy each and everyday with them while you have the chance because before you know it they won't be children anymore. Please don't let what I did destroy your faith in people. The majority of people are good and what I did was in no way a reflection on you. There is so much more to life and someday I know you will find your way. Have a great day and I would like to say maybe we will see each other some time but I doubt this will happen.