Mom and Monkeys

Before I get into the monkey part I want to let everyone know what a wonderful mother I have. Not only did she help my wife with my 40th birthday party she took her two of her grandchildren out for the day and gave my wife and I a much needed break. She took my children bowling, to the movies and to Chuckie E Cheese all in one day. She doesn't get to see my children all too often and she made the best of it yesterday. My son and daughter love all three of these activities and to do them in one day was almost cosmic. Grandma had a great day with the grandkids and everyone behaved. We all went to a local "fun park" today after school and it was my mother's treat. My children did four of their favorite things in two days; grandma should come out more often.

Not only did my mother treat my children to two wonderful fun filled days she even saved my life. Actually she saved my life about 6 months ago and continues to save my life each and everyday. Almost six months ago my horrible behaviors showed their ugly head but my mother has been nothing short of amazing in the whole process and I owe a great deal to her along with my wife and mother-in-law.

Also; I had the distinct pleasure of having my mom attend my Gamblers Anonymous meeting last night. She got to see first hand what a beautiful group of people we have in our fellowship. Yes, it was a very emotional meeting and my mom echoed my sentiments at the end of the meeting when she said each person in that room is a good and warm individual and she is so happy I have found them. I am so delighted she attended the meeting and saw how much the fellowship is helping me become the person I need to be.

Today; she actually saved my life by ridding my fish of a bone. My mom was very kind and bought dinner from the Outback Steakhouse. Having two children it is so much easier to get take-out and bring the dinner home which we did. She asked me to try my Tulapia (those of you who know me know I have very strange eating habits to say the least but for some reason my mom really likes Tulapia and for those of you that don't know me I am a vegetarian but I do eat fish) and I gave her a small piece. In this small piece were the only two bones in the fillet. She calmly pulled the first bone out of her mouth (for such a small piece it was a very large bone) and calmly swallowed the second bone. Yes, I am a very weird eater and I am very adverse to certain textures and who is to say I could have choke on either one of these bones. Thank you again for saving my life. This really may seem small (fish bone) but these things really mean the world to me and again I am so blessed to be surrounded by such marvelous people.

Now on to the monkeys; here is an article where two (one with a very familiar name) researchers from Duke University were testing the brains of monkeys as it relates to gambling. Why do people or more significantly why did I do the things I did? This article sheds some light on the subject and hopefully more research will be performed to get at the root cause. The monkeys much like me kept going for the juicy rewards even though the other option would have been the "normal" response. The monkeys again much like me preferred the riskier behavior over the more sane behavior. The researchers pinpointed a region in the brain which controls this activity and those with lower levels of a certain brain chemical serotonin were more prone to impulsive behaviors. I don't know if I have low levels of this chemical but I do know I did some very compulsive and impulsive things and it was as if I someone else had taken over my body. Yes, some of you may see this as a cop out and I am blaming something else. NO, I take full responsibility for my actions and I did those things.

Now, I am starting to understand how I could do those things and I am making the necessary character changes so those things are no longer a part of my life. I do find it fascinating because each person I have met with a gambling disorder is NOT a bad person. They have a sickness much like me and this sickness took over their life. They again much like me finally realized they have a problem and sought help. There are so many tools available but the person who is unwilling to help themselves cannot which was me for 20 plus years. Only those willing to admit they have a gambling problem have a very good chance to arrest this illness. I choose to surrender to this illness and I know I cannot do this alone this is why I am using all the tools available. I will continue to use all of these tools one day at a time.