Celebration

Tonight I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting and we were celebrating a birthday. Today's birthday marked three years this particular member had since making their last bet. It is a cause for celebration. One of the many wonderful things about GA is the tremendous support from fellow members and tonight was no exception. This particular member is late in their life but this disease of compulsive gambling knows no boundaries. It affects the young, old and everyone in between. The fact that this member hadn't made a wager for three years is a true testament to the member and to the program. It is not too late to change. Gambling has caused an enormous amount of difficulty in my life but recovery has given me a sense of purpose. I saw this purpose this evening. Even though this member was late in their life they had all of their mental capacity. I could only hope to live so long and if I did I could only hope to have half the mental capacity of this member!

Another one of the perks of the program is driving to the meeting with a fellow member. The meeting was about a 40 minute drive and I drove with another wonderful person from our fellowship. Even though we are different and our drugs of choice were different we both suffered from the same disease; the inability to control our gambling. The fellow member was feeling down prior to the meeting; however; after attending the meeting something almost always happens to my spirit and this is what happened to my fellow member. Their spirit was uplifted. No matter how bad I think life is when I go to a GA meeting life instantly gets better during and after the meeting. The program truly works for me.

After the meeting I decided to stop and get frozen yogurt for myself and my wife. As I was walking into to the frozen yogurt store I saw a person from my previous work. This is the second (non-custody) time where I saw someone from my previous work. The first time the person didn't see me because I went down a different aisle of the grocery store. This time I walked right past the person and we both acknowledged each other and kept walking. As soon as I saw the person my heart started racing and instantly felt bad. We both said the cursory hello and moved on. When I got into the yogurt store I had to stop and catch my breath. It really hurts knowing what I did and those I have affected.

The other day I was driving with my son and out of the blue he remarked "we haven't gone to your work in a long time when are we going to your work?" My heart skipped a few beats after he made this statement. In the past I would take my daughter and son into the office on a Saturday or Sunday. They loved to write on the white board and play with the sticky pads and copy machine. (I wonder if their drawings are still on the white board?) My son and daughter looked forward to going to my work because they had fun. After my heart finished skipping a few beats I told my son "Daddy doesn't work there anymore and we won't be going, Daddy works at home now". There will come a time later in his life where I will explain as to why Daddy doesn't work there but I will wait for a time where he will be able to comprehend the bad thing that Daddy did. Children are lovely and instantly bring me back to center.

Happy Anniversary to Jen and John!!!