Well...

Yes, today was a court date and just like the other 10 times (this being the 11th) not a great deal happened. We were still discussing the payment on the pool and the judge signed the order for the final payment. Hopefully; the pool will be completed prior to the end of summer so the children can enjoy it for a little while. August 31, 2004 is when the pool company broke ground to start construction. You can say a great deal has happened in this past year but with all due respect to the pool company construction should have been completed in November of last year. Something seemed to happen when we requested to move the pool equipment from one side of the yard to the other side. This is when construction stopped. Then it started to rain for the next three months and by the time they started up again it was February of this year. The company worked for a few days in February but stopped for some reason and then we all know what happened in March.

If anyone cares the pool design is very basic and we went with the middle bid of three bids. Hindsight is always 20/20 and if I could erase some of my past I certainly would but I cannot so I have to live with ALL my decisions and we made a bad one with this particular pool company. I remember telling someone at my previous work I selected this pool company and they wished me good luck because they had a horrible experience with them. They were certainly correct but at the time we thought it was a good decision like I said hindsight is 20/20 and I must move forward not backward.

I don't have to go to court for another month because the DDA is on vacation for the entire month of August. When he returns our judge goes on vacation for the entire month of September so there will be very little done with my case until October. I was hoping for some type of resolution by the end of this year but this maybe a far fetched notion. I keep reciting the serenity prayer and times like these I really HATE myself because it is all my fault this has happened and I am punishing other people. I had no idea my misdeeds would get this far out of hand and I apologize to everyone for my horrible actions.

Yes, there are good days and there are bad days. Court days are always bad days because my past is thrown right back in my face and for good cause. It is my actions that have caused this mess and sometimes especially on days like today it is very hard to forgive myself for what I have done. I know I have to forgive myself for what I have done or I will not be able to move forward. I am doing the right things, getting the right help and have a fantastic support group but I would by lying if I said everything is great because it is not. I messed up peoples lives and for what; to make a bet on the Lakers; how silly is this???

I did get some good news at court and I won't elaborate but at least we are moving in the right direction. Time stands still for no person and it is what I do with my time that ultimately counts. I intend to use my time in a productive positive manner and I will do this one day at a time. Don't worry I will snap out of the depression it is only temporary.