Night Before

Today was a great day; I was able to volunteer at my daughter's second grade class. Everything went well and my daughter (as was I) was extremely excited to have me in her class. This afternoon a dear friend from the Program allowed me to do some work and it felt good getting out. I do miss going to a regular job but I know as long as I continue to do the things that have been successful for these past 11 months everything will continue to work itself out no matter what happens in court.

This evening I attended my regular Tuesday Gamblers Anonymous meeting and although the meeting was a little different than most meetings I still left the meeting feeling better than when I went into the meeting. For me the Program works in all ways; like I said the meeting was a little different but I stayed after the meeting and spoke with my friends (yes, they are my friends and these friends are genuine) discussing the meeting and other topics. This little 20 minute discussion meant so much to me because I have met some of the most fascinating and dear people. These are all good people with a bad problem but the good thing is these people (like myself) are doing something about their problem. I am so thankful to have all of these people in my life and I thank God for allowing me to experience this.

Tomorrow I go back to court and unlike so many of the previous times where nothing happened; tomorrow something SHOULD happen. I say should because there is still a whole host of other factors that may prevent something from happening but I am at a period where the reality of at all will hit. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared because I am scared. I do know I am doing all the right things and have taken responsibility for my actions. Most importantly in doing these right things I have gotten help and will continue to get help (as long as I am legally allowed) with my compulsive gambling problem.

I do know that my future is in the hands of other people and there are some people that want to send a message about my behavior. I cannot begrudge them for this because for some it is their job and for others it is a message they feel they have to convey. These are their opinions and are certainly entitled to them. I can only present the facts and whatever decision the Judge makes will be the correct decision and I will have to live with it.

Also; I do know the local media will be back in the courtroom again recording the hearing. I guess they think this is news worthy and again I cannot control any of this. The only thing I can control is myself and through God, my family and the Gamblers Anonymous Program I am learning more and more each and every day. For this I am extremely grateful to be afforded the opportunity to get help and get better. I would be remiss if I didn't thank all of those who have stood by me and who have offered their support through prayer. Thank you all so very much without all of this support I would be a lost soul but now my soul has been found.