Two Sides

Today started out with me entering the courtroom for the umpteenth time and for the umpteenth time nothing happened. My attorney was absent so nothing could happen and I go back again in two weeks. It is interesting because today was supposed to be a "big" day in the course of my case; however; for some reason my attorney was not able to make it to court. This has only happened once before because my attorney was in trial with another case. Usually his secretary or his investigator tells me why my attorney could not make it but for some reason they did not tell me anything as to his whereabouts. I am assuming he was in another trial case because he has been straight forward with me for these past ten months and I wouldn't expect anything different.

Yes, it was supposed to be a big day but the big day will wait another two weeks. As I walked through the parking lot at the court I noticed two television trucks and thought to myself this is odd because in all the times I have walked through this parking lot I have never seen a television truck. As I entered the courtroom I saw a camera at the end of the courtroom and this was the first time I had seen a camera in the courtroom.

My attorney had an associate stand in for him to ask for the continuance so I met this other attorney as I walked in the room. I need to take a step back because it is interesting how the judge, assistant district attorney and my attorney can all have substitutes stand in for them but I am ordered to come to court at the necessary time each and every time or I will be in contempt. It is interesting because even though I know nothing will happen I must be there to say yes I waive my rights and will come back in a few weeks. It would be nice to send someone in my place but this is the lot I have drawn for myself and one of those things I have accepted because it is out of my control.

Getting back to meeting the attorney who was standing in for my attorney and the cameras in the courtroom. I met the attorney who I have met before and I must say he is a very nice man. He motioned for me to come to the back of the courtroom and we spoke briefly. He mentioned about the cameras and had asked someone else why the cameras were in the courtroom and who they were for; he was told the cameras were there for my case; just wonderful. The cameras were from the local television station and when I say local television station I mean LOCAL television station. In order to receive this television station you must own an over the air antenna because it is not shown on the cable network nor is it shown on the satellite network so I don't know how many people actually get this channel let alone watch this channel.

But nonetheless they thought my case merited some news attention and were there. I guess they didn't know nothing was going to happen and when my case was called and I could see them filming out of the corner of my eye but as fast as my case was called it was over just as fast. I think they were disappointed because I am sure it took them longer than one minute (which is how long I stood in front of the judge) to set the camera up and take down the camera because it was over that fast. I could see them filming me as I walked out of the courtroom but no one stopped me and asked me anything and I wonder if they will be back.

That was the bad part of my day but one part I have accepted because I caused this myself and no matter what happens I am getting better and will get through all of this a much better person. The reason I am getting through this and will be a better person is due to the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Tonight we had the first Gamblers Anonymous and GamAnon (for those affected by compulsive gambling) joint meeting. My wife has been a loyal of GamAnon the entire time I have been going to Gamblers Anonymous (10 months) and this was the first time the GA members and the GamAnon members were in the same room at the same time.

I had my doubts about this meeting because the GamAnon membership has been lacking in the past few months and sometimes it has been my wife and one other member but I am happy to report the meeting tonight was a success. My sponsor and a very long standing member in GamAnon chaired the meeting and much like every GA meeting I have gone to in the past 10 months I felt better after the meeting then I felt before the meeting. I gained a great deal of respect for the GamAnon people because they have taken the time to understand the addiction of compulsive gambling and in the course of understanding the addiction they are there to help themselves through their fellowship.

I know my wife had a hard time going to these meetings early on because I was the one who created this mess and why should she have to go to a support meeting. I am so happy she attends these meetings because they much like the GA meetings are making a difference. There are great people in the GamAnon fellowship and they truly want to help other members. I know it is making a difference with my wife because she was obsessing with what to bring to the meeting and decided to make a zucchini and banana bread; also she was very concerned that we had coffee at the meeting so I telephoned a GA member and the GA member was kind enough to bring the coffee pot to the meeting. It may only be coffee but it is the essence of each of these programs people helping people. This is what the world is all about and sometimes all of us get caught up in the dealing grind and sometimes life doesn't go our way but deep down there are so many more GOOD people in this world than bad people. I am so blessed to be surrounded by these GREAT people.

There were two sides to my day and both sides were caused by my inability to recognize I have a gambling addiction. I am so glad I have recognized my gambling addiction and I do know I will never be cured but I am so happy to have arrested this addiction with the help of the Gamblers Anonymous Program and now I know the GamAnon Program has helped my wife as well. In every bad situation comes good and I continue to see the GOOD each and every day.