Eggs

I guess I didn’t screw up yesterday because I got the 3:45 am nudge to wake up for kitchen duty. I really didn’t need the nudge because I was already awake hoping for another day in the kitchen and I was happy to be asked back. Apparently Sundays are a very popular day to work in the kitchen because the Sunday special is fried eggs. There were 3 too many volunteers and the CO had to ask 3 people to “unvolunteer” themselves. Not many inmates were willing to give up their fried eggs but luckily before I “unvolunteered”, three people stepped forward and went back to sleep.

As we walked over, I thought about the fried eggs and wondered if I would get on this station. A little background on eggs in my life~ not only do I not eat eggs, I am somewhat repulsed by the smell let alone touching them. This goes back to when I was a baby and my mom would feed me eggs while making faces and negative comments. My mom hates eggs and when she would feed me as well as my older sister she would make these comments. We were too young to understand what she was saying, but somehow subconsciously these faces and comments stayed with us as we both got older. To this day both my sister and I cannot eat eggs. Interesting fact, my younger sister who was fed eggs by my father, who made no faces and made no comments, has no problem so I guess there is tremendous power in the subconscious mind.

I was somewhat stressing about handling the eggs but I thought if I got assigned to the fried egg station I could just switch with someone. I didn’t have to resort to this plan because I was assigned the milk and orange juice station. The assignment was a double bonus because I not only didn’t I have to handle the fried egg station, but I was as far away as I could be from it. I didn’t have to look at them even though the smell was mixed with the smells in the kitchen. I was very happy not to gag or vomit throughout the entire breakfast service.

The time passed once again very quickly. We did not serve any inmates directly because the main-line prison was on lock down. This meant we would prepare the trays which were placed on a storage cart. This cart was then moved to the main-line prison dormitories where the inmates would serve themselves. After breakfast was over, we had to retrieve the trays. I went over to one of the main-line prison dorms to retrieve a cart but the CO’s had not collected the trays when I got there. I had to wait at the entrance of the dorm which was more like a cell block. I peeked in and saw individual cells on two levels much like the county jail. I looked around the dayroom and saw the familiar stainless steel tables and stools but I didn’t see the familiar central TV set. As soon as I looked around, my heart dropped. I thought the main-line prison here was a level 1 or 2. I will most likely be sent to one of these levels, hopefully a level 1. Instantly, I thought how would I be able to handle the next two years in a place like this? Then the CO came over and gave me the cart with the trays. When he walked up to me, I had to ask him a question, in spite of my plans to stay under the radar. I asked what level it was. His peasant response was, “Level 3 and some level 4’s.” When I heard this, I was very relieved because the inmates housed in this facility are serving terms greater than 10 years and some are there for life. I was relieved but when I realized these inmates were here for that long a period of time, a cold chill went down my spine.

I am sure if I can say this episode today along with the entire situation has been a humbling experience. It has been so much more I do not know the right words to explain it. I really have been broken down due to my actions which put me in this place and I completely understand the phrase, “Before the Grace of God go I.” All of the people and things I took for granted have a whole new meaning to me. I cherish each and everyone!

Needless to say, the entire situation has been sobering and eye-opening. I do realize gambling is all around me which is why I must stay sober and focus on my recovery techniques. These will continue to save my life as long as I apply it to my daily affairs no matter where I am.

This new dormitory does things a little differently than the previous one. In the other one, they made a big deal about the transfer assignments on Friday nights. Here there are no announcements at anytime. They post a list on Saturday morning for the upcoming week’s transfer assignment. There are 12 people on this list and 2 of the 12 are going to a Fire Camp. The inmate who I wrote about earlier in the week who has very similar charges to mine – was on this list. After 10 weeks of being at the reception center, he is being transferred to a level 1 facility about 30 minutes south of here. If you recall I wrote about him and how the counselor recommended a Fire Camp, but unfortunately he is not going probably due to his age of 52. These camps are very physical and the two inmates who are going are much younger – 38 and 42. He also has knee problems which can also be a contributing factor. But the truth of the matter is ‘I just don’t know’. I really should just shut up about these camps because I believe the determinate of where I am going has already been made. I still need to meet with a counselor and they might recommend a fire camp, but it doesn’t mean anything until I see my name on the list. I need to trust God’s plan and wherever I get sent, everything will work out.

Of course I look forward to seeing my name on the board but this won’t happen for at least another month or two. Patience is the key and judging by my past experience is definitely a virtue I need to have. No matter where I get transferred, I will finally be able to speak with my wife. I look forward to hearing her lovely voice along with the voices of my children. These three people are so important to me which is why I need to come out of the situation better than when I went in. I am trying my best each and everyday. I know deep in my heart, everything is going to be great when we are all back together.