Store

The routine has kicked in and it is in full force. The wake-up tap now comes at 3:50am (new wake-up person) and lately this time has come rather quickly which is good. I am still having trouble sleeping more than the two hours at a time but lately during this routine I am able to fall back to sleep as soon as possible. I wouldn’t say I am used to the environment, but on the same token I am familiarizing myself and being able to sleep in these conditions.

The weather has flipped back to being warm at night after a few days of being cool. I will take the cool over the hot anytime, but somewhere along the way as the calendar continues to turn the weather will be cooler. I would rather add blankets to get comfortable as opposed to taking them away.

The kitchen has become routine in the short two days Taz the trainer has gone. The ovens (which were my assignment again today) seem to function better and the commotion factor has subsided tremendously. I did make a mistake this morning and I am still not sure how it happened but I took full responsibility for it. One of the storage trays was pushed outside with pans still in them. Because I was responsible for the storage trays it was my mistake in spite of having someone else move the trays outside. It was my fault because I didn’t check the contents of the storage trays. The mistake was no big deal because I readily admitted it to the kitchen supervisor. The kitchen supervisor (who by the way is a very nice lady) just smiled at me and told me it was no big deal.

In the Gambler Anonymous Program I have learned when I make a mistake to readily admit it. This has now become second nature and makes life less complicated. There have been a few occasions of mistakes being made by either inmates and I am fascinated by their reactions. Many of them look to blame someone else and they do not take responsibility for their own actions. Thank God for GA because even in a place like this I can apply so many principles of the program to my daily affairs. After we finished the breakfast service and cleaning up we had some downtime as we waited for the CO to take us back to the dormitory. I sat down with three other inmates and much to my surprise two of them were having a recovery conversation. The recovery was regarding drugs but it also applies to my addition of compulsive gambling as well. They were talking about spirituality and how to be better people. I just sat and listened because I was very interested in their point of views. Their point of view was very similar to mine and along with spirituality the underlying theme is to break the chains of an addiction. Each of us at that table was given more than one warning sign and to some that warning sign was a prior prison sentence. I had prior warning signs all along my adult life but ignored them until it brought me to a place like this. Now the other inmates and myself at the table have learned and will continue to learn a new way of living without our addictions.

There are no magic bullets or potions, addictions of any kind are very difficult to live with. They are certainly not impossible to deal with but it takes some type of program to discover a new way of living. I have been so fortunate to find the GA Program which is my program that has showed me a new way of living. This new way of living is phenomenal and everyday is a gift even in a place like this because my days are no longer clouded with gambling.

On the flip side to this conversation I was speaking to my new bunk neighbor about addiction. My bunk neighbor has been in and out of jail for the past 25 years and has already served a 20 year sentence for drugs. We were talking about why I am in here and I told him I never did drugs but I gambled compulsively which led to my demise. He certainly understood and said “all he knows is the good feeling he gets when he does drugs.” He doesn’t care nor does he think about the consequences associated with the high, all he wants is the high. This is very sad because it sounds as if he is destined to keep recycling through the prison system. He doesn’t know any other life. He only knows a life with a drug induced high. I can fully understand his thought process because all I craved was the next bet which meant I had to keep stealing in order to perpetuate my fantasy life.

It was a fantasy life much like many of these other inmates who live n the same unrealistic world. It did take handcuffs, losing my job, house and other material possessions to finally realize I have a problem but sometimes even this is not enough to seek help. I was beaten down by my gambling addiction and have finally done something about it. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees to my recovery only the pledge I make each morning which is I will not gamble today and each evening I thank God for making it through the day without placing a wager. As long as I do this life continues to get better each and everyday.

After work it was finally my time to go the “store” or as it is known in the prison lingo “canteen”. I was supposed to go on Monday but it was postponed until Tuesday; however, on Tuesday I was not called for my turn so I waited until today. Much to my surprise my name was called as soon as I got back from the kitchen. Then I went right next door to the “canteen” and picked up my items. I finally now have my own deodorant, shampoo, shower shoes, toothbrush, toothpaste, washcloth, soap (Irish Spring), soap dish and comb (actually it is a palm brush, the only item that would act like a comb other than the afro pick). The only food items I ordered was peanut butter, crackers, flour tortillas and some vegetable soups. All of this along with coffee, which I gave to my Bunkie, cost $48.40. Believe it or not most of the items were reasonable prices; the highest dollar item was the coffee, $6.00. Even the shower shoes which are called Bob Barker’s (yes, the same Bob Barker as in the Price is Right, apparently he is a purveyor for the California Prison system) only cost $2.80. Hopefully these shoes will prevent any fungus from accumulating on my feet.



Yes, I have written about how the little things in life mean so much to me now and how I have taken so many things in my life for granted. In fact I have taken my entire life for granted up until 18 ½ months ago. Now I understand the value of freedom and of how it can all be gone at anytime. I also understand how great it feels to drive down to the store and pick up virtually anything I need. Now I have to wait once a month to get items like toothpaste and soap. If anything, a place like this has taught what a great life I had and I can’t wait to get back to it because it will be even greater.

As I was waiting my turn next door to go to the “canteen” I was waiting in the yard area. This yard area belongs to the main-line inmates five (Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday) days a week and today these inmates were in the yard as well. Many of them were exercising with playing basketball, handball, jogging, or using one of the exercise bars. Most of these inmates are remanded to this prison for a very long time and this yard is part of their “program”. Their program is their daily routine and along with daily routine must come a very special mindset. This mindset gets them though each day and having a program is essential.

My mini-program has helped in passing the very short time I have been given. I am thankful for this program because it has given me a very good mindset which tells me I can make it through this horrible ordeal. I will not only make it through but I will be a better person for it.

The two new movies this week on the prison channel are Madagascar and Dreamer. Of course both of these movies remind me of my son and daughter. Madagascar is a movie I saw with my family and it was a great time. Dreamer stars Dakota Fanning (the 11 year old blonde girl who seems to star in every movie) and Miss Fanning looks like my daughter Lauren. But I believe Lauren is much cuter and of course I am biased! There will be constant reminders each day until the end of my term which is very positive. I love my family very much and being reminded of them warms my heart.