One Month / Prunes

My goodness, it has been five years since that dreadful Tuesday. It was a day so many of us will never forget! I remember exactly where I was when America was under attack. I was at Gold’s Gym in Temecula working out. I had only been employed for two months and my family and I had just settled in our new house 12 days prior to this horrible day. My children were three years old and seven months old. Wow, certainly a great deal has changed in 5 years and that time has gone by very quickly.

I don’t need to rehash the events of September 11, 2001, but I do hope we as a country never forget what happened on that day. I don’t know if there are any special events commemorating the 5th anniversary because I am somewhat cut off from any news. I did notice the players on the sidelines in last night’s football game, between the Giants and the Colts, wearing NYPO and FDNY hats. I believe this was a way of memorializing the members of the NY City Police Dept and the Fire Dept who lost their lives five years ago, who were true heroes.

Living on the West Coast for the last 13 years has somewhat removed me from the real tragedy. Now my family is in the heart of where 9/11 took place and I wonder if my children are learning about this terrible day. I remember visiting NJ three months after this happened and saw all the flags on cars and houses. It was certainly a patriotic display and the feeling back then was awe-inspiring. I can imagine this feeling has somewhat subsided because time has a way of distancing tragic events and emotions. The saying of “time heals all wounds” comes to mind and I wonder how this applies to the many families who lost loved ones on that tragic day.

Does time really heal all wounds or does time make people forget what happened? The answer maybe a little of both, but I prefer never forgetting. I know in my own circumstance, time passed and I forgot about my compulsive gambling wound. I never addressed the wound and it just lay dormant until it was awakened with an insignificant wager. This all happened because I was not diligent in my recovery. In fact, the two previous times before my third and almost fatal time, I just said I won’t gamble which was a huge mistake. I had no plan of attack from my compulsive addiction. I didn’t attend GA nor did I do anything to focus on the real problem. I set myself up for failure and thankfully; I have finally addressed my addiction with a comprehensive plan. I must stick to this plan or that wound will be opened yet again. I do not want this wound to ever open because I know it WILL be fatal.

On this very tragic day, I hope there are some commemorative services going on. And, I hope the area that was destroyed five years ago in NYC is rebuilt with a memorial to all the heroes who died that day. We must never forget or the past will definitely repeat itself.

Of course, so much has changed in these past five years. No, I was not working out at Gold’s Gym in Temecula this morning nor does my family live in that house that we moved into five years ago. This morning I was working in the kitchen of North Kern State Prison and my family lives 3000 miles away in NJ. All of this happened as a direct result of not addressing my compulsive gambling addiction. I was so grateful to have finally addressed this issue and in spite of the many difficulties caused by neglecting this, my life has constantly improved each and everyday since I stopped gambling on February 28, 2005 and entered the GA Program.

It is hard to fathom that someone who is currently serving a four-year term for embezzling could have a life that gets better each day, but it is true because I am diligent in my recovery and try to be a better person each day no matter where I currently reside. I know if I constantly practice these principles and NOT gamble, my life is a blessing.

Now onto my day that started just as it has for the past 10 days. It is hard to imagine that it has been that long already and the time does seem to go by faster. On my first day, I had no idea what to do; now ten short days later I performed four separate tasks. I started out today working the ovens to help prepare the cracked wheat hot cereal which by the way is very good. I was helping out on the ovens, even though I was assigned to the food service line serving pancakes (no eggs, YAY!). As soon as I arrived in the kitchen, I started performing different tasks and only stopped when we were told to eat our breakfast. This is a far cry from my first day when I was just standing around looking for something to do. I went from the ovens to the food service line serving pancakes to side B. After this service was complete, the other side was missing a server. So, I jumped over there and served the prunes. They are usually served on Tuesdays and are served hot, but today they were on the menu and served cold. As I was helping out on the ovens, I opened a box of prunes and tasted one. It was very good and I started to snack on them like they were raisins. BIG MISTAKE!!! Today was Yard Day where I can jog. Let me put this delicately - prunes and running are not good mixtures. I think most of you know what I mean.

Back to breakfast – after serving the prunes on the A side, the B side was ready for their service, so once again I jumped back there and served the pancakes. This same scenario of me jumping back and forth happened three more times. During a lull, I went back to the ovens and mixed the cracked wheat hot cereal into the larger serving pots. Finally, after the food service and the ovens were complete, I mopped up the dining hall. Needless to say, the morning went by rather quickly. I couldn’t believe it was time to go back to the dormitory. When I returned, it was time to go out in the yard. But before going out, I had to fill out my “store” list. This is where I can purchase items such as shampoo, soap, toothpaste, deodorant, a real toothbrush, shower shoes, soap dish and some food items. Thankfully, I don’t have to purchase stamps, envelopes, or paper because my wonderful family and friends send these items each and everyday. Also, I am able to purchase pens (another YAY) which makes me happy because writing with a golf pencil is rather difficult.

“Store" happens once a month and I missed my opportunity last month due to my dormitory moves. Fortunately, I have been able to borrow all of the health and beauty products, but it will be nice to have my own along with a comb. I really don’t like borrowing a comb, but my hair has become a real problem and I do need my own. A month ago, I could get away with not combing my hair because it was so short. Now it has grown back and with my “new” hairstyle, the top of my hair looks like a helmet when I wake up in the mornings. I need to comb it to get rid of the helmet-head look. Having my own comb will be quite beneficial.

I filled out the store list and turned it into my CO. I should be able to go to the store tomorrow and receive my items. Normally this would have happened today, but due to the overcrowding, another cell block took up all the yard time getting their items so I will go tomorrow. After handing my list in, I ventured out into the yard to do my running. I think my plan of keeping a low profile has taken a little hit because of my running. As I mentioned previously, there are only a handful of inmates who run and out of those I am the only inmate who runs the entire time we are out in the yard. Due to running the entire time, the inmates want to know how many laps I do.

Hopefully, there will not be any problems because of this newfound notoriety but judging from the many positive comments I received today, this should not be the case. Many of the inmates who work in the kitchen with me and noticed me running implore me to eat more. They keep asking me how I’m going to gain any weight if I do all that running? Even in prison, people are trying to fatten me up! I guess it doesn’t matter where I am, this will be an ongoing comment with everyone.

As I was running, the prunes were doing their thing. Normally, in the “outside world”, I eat after running, but this isn’t the outside world and it certainly is not normal. Long story cut very short because no one wants to read the gory details of my running being not as efficient as it could have been. I hope no one’s imagination is running wild because there weren’t any “issues” but I was very happy when the CO called the end of yard time. This did not come a moment too soon. Hopefully, the prunes will go back to the Tuesday menu, so they won’t interfere with my running. But is they’re on the Monday or Friday menus; I will refrain from eating them. Who knew prunes could be so stressful?

It has been exactly one month since I arrived here at the reception center on August 11th in shackles and handcuffs. Does it really seem like a month? I am not sure but the biggest variables in this equation are my wife and children. I miss them so much and it has been over two months since I last saw them and a month since I last spoke to my wife. I finally received her letter, but it is not the same as speaking with her. I do want to know what is going on with my children especially how they are adjusting to their new surroundings.

I know in due time, I will be able to find out current information. It has been one month here and time is passing very quickly. Now there are more to the days than just reading and writing. Thank goodness for the job in the kitchen because this helps pass the time so very much. Soon enough, I will be back mentally and physically with my family.