Anger and Frustration Cease

The holiday weekend is upon me today but these holidays really don’t have the same oomph (if I may?) since my family will be celebrating Easter on the other coast tomorrow. I am eternally grateful I don’t have to spend another holiday completely separated from society. Missing two of my wife’s birthdays, two of my children’s birthdays, two Christmases, two Thanksgivings and one Easter Sunday was more then enough for me. I don’t have any plans tomorrow so I will spend the day with Rudolph who is the dog I have been dog sitting for our dear friends this week. He is a very good dog and if I were to get a dog it would be this same type of dog a Golden Retriever.

He did leave me a little present this morning but hey accidents happen. I had heard him walking about but went to brush my teeth and by the time I came out the present had already been delivered. Oh well, I picked up the present and let him outside. I do enjoy his company and all he wants to do is play fetch. He really doesn’t have the whole concept down because he doesn’t let go of the ball. I have to pry the ball out of his mouth but I think this is all part of the game. I think he will play fetch from sun up to sun down. We played last night and he seemed to enjoy himself.

I had a quiet evening by myself (yes, I was with Rudolph as well) yesterday and I did have the opportunity to watch one of those movies my mother had sent. I watched “Fracture” with Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling. Anthony Hopkins is an extraordinary actor and is good in any role he plays. It was an interesting storyline and Mr. Hopkins played a diabolical character that tried to kill his wife and get away with it. Ryan Gosling was the up and coming deputy District Attorney. I haven’t seen many movies with this actor but from what I saw last night he seems quite accomplished. The storyline had some twists and turns but those twists and turns seemed obvious to me. It was an entertaining movie and that is what matters most.

After the movie I took the time to compose an email and send it to someone I had done business with in the past. I thought it was well crafted, concise and to the point. However; I was met with much resistance and was called “badgering”. It is amazing how different people can interpret same things in diametrically opposed views. This all goes to perception and my perception was certainly much different from the person’s perception I sent the email to. Once again, there is nothing in the world I can do to control another person’s thoughts and truly it is what it is. I didn’t get angry or even the slightest bit mad. I hope I could resolve this amicably but apparently this other person doesn’t share my sentiments.

I did want to respond in kind when I received the reply but after a few minutes of thinking I did not. I didn’t see any benefit in a terse reply from me. I do believe anger has a place and is a human emotion but I don’t have any of this inside of me. I am not implying I am the Dalai Lama by any stretch of the imagination. However; anger is missing inside of me and I do believe this is a positive side effect of recovery. This does not mean I am dispassionate because I do have feelings just not anger. I think I was a bit saddened by the response because it wasn’t done on an adult level.

I am not sure where to go from here and it seems the unfinished business I had will remain unfinished for some time to come. My hopes were to resolve some of this fairly quickly but much of this is beyond my scope. I can only ask the questions and hope for a positive response. I am missing the positive response in all of the unfinished business. All of this only amounts to money which I was hoping to collect. A circumstance that they are this is very difficult. I haven’t lost hope and my hope does spring eternal. Life will continue to work out for the very best and I know this will be wonderful.

This morning was the regular Saturday morning GA meeting and it also marks where I attend four GA meetings in four days. These are great meetings and the Saturday meeting has a special place in my heart since it was the very first meeting I attended over 3 years ago. This morning there was a new member and the pain was so evident. The new member was ensconced in the fog of compulsive gambling and certainly couldn’t see the forest through the trees.

The hurt is awful when a member first comes to GA but GA is an amazing program which has given me my life back and so much more. I have seen my share of new members who never come back for a second meeting. I am not about to pass judgment on anyone so I do hope this new member because a regular member one day at time. The Program does work and it works wonders.

Recently I did an interview with a website Encognitive.com and it is billed as “where researchers go to research”. The website used to be Gamblerhelper.com and was strictly devoted to helping compulsive gamblers. The owner has expanded in to other forms of addictions and is geared at the clinicians who treat addictions. The title of the interview is “Everything You’ve Wanted to Know about Gambling from an Insider” and can be found accessing the previous link. The interview was done via email and yes, those are all my words. It was a lengthy process but I think it came across well.