"Inside" "Outside"

I can see the weekends are going to be the hardest part of the week while I wait for my family to rejoin me in June. I have absolutely nothing to complain about and I am so grateful to be a free person. I am doing my best to make everyday count and I am enjoying every moment. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch in a park I have never been to before. After lunch I started reading “The Innocent” by Harlan Coben while sitting in the park. The day was glorious and in between reading I observed people walking, playing and doing what “normal” folks do on gorgeous Saturday afternoon.

I walked around the neighborhood and took notice of all the “For Sale” signs. The real estate boom has hit this area of Southern California very hard. It was a good thing I was able to sell our house when we did almost two years ago because that appeared to be the top of the market. We sold our house for $550,000 and now a similar house (identical and it is only around the corner) is now listed at $330,000 and there aren’t any buyers.

As I walked around the neighborhood near the park I noticed the “For Sale” signs and most of those houses were vacant. I wondered where all of the families are going. Two years ago the area was booming and the housing prices had gone through the roof. In the almost five years we owned our home the price of the home doubled. Of course due to my compulsive gambling addiction there wasn’t very much of the proceeds available because I had taken out second and third mortgages.

I always found it amazing how in my case the Prosecution displayed how I had put a pool in as if this were the reason I was embezzling. The pool was paid for by one of those second mortgages and I wouldn’t dare use my “gambling money” for any other types of expenditures. Yes, my mind was sick and twisted.

Anyhow as I walked around I went into an open house just to see what was available (I have no delusions that I will be able to afford a house anytime soon as I have significant other obligations to address before even contemplating purchasing a home. I will say I know I will be a homeowner again and it will be sooner as opposed to later. This is part of the Power of Intention and I know good things will continue to happen.) I was amazed as to how much the values of the homes have dropped. I had heard horror stories how the previous owners would trash the home before moving out as a way to take out their frustrations or get back at the bank.

I really don’t understand this logic because it is only a house which is a material possession so destroying makes no sense to me. The house I went into was not trashed and was basically in good shape. There was an oddity as I walked through the master bedroom I noticed a window air conditioner placed in one of the windows of this master bedroom. The house was only 3 years old and had a working central air conditioner so I asked why the stand alone air conditioner. The Real Estate Agent surmised that the owner was trying to save on their electric bills so they would huddle in the master bedroom on hot evenings. I do remember the astronomical electric bills and I do understand the theory.

Yes, the housing prices have fallen and I am guessing they will continue to fall at least for the next year if not longer. I wasn’t looking for a house and I guess I decided to take the walk because I could. It is so nice no, that is too mild; it is wonderful to be free and to be able to do just about anything I want. Having lunch in a park, walking around a different neighborhood and looking at homes may not sound like a great Saturday afternoon but it was. The only part that missing was my family. This is the difficult part but I know it is only temporary and the next three months will pass soon enough.

I think what makes this extra difficult is the fact I am back in the same area where we were altogether less then two years ago. I miss the soccer games, the cheerleading contests and I miss my wife, daughter and son. I have spoken with them everyday since I was released which helps maintain a much better connection then the previous 19 months. It is great speaking with my wife, daughter and son daily. My daughter has called me the past three days and I love hearing her voice as she says, “hello, Daddy”. The connection continues to grow and before I know it the activities will resume in full force. Now my wife is the sole provider or “chauffeur” for the activities and I can tell it is taking its toll on her. I will be able to give her a respite when they come out and there will not be one complaint from me.

Today I worked out in the morning at the gym and it feels great to be at a gym with normal weights, treadmills, bicycles and other exercise equipment. I went for a 10 mile run on the treadmill and the endorphins were really popping. I most certainly enjoyed the time outside when I was “inside” but for whatever reason I feel I get a better workout on the treadmill. I do intend to go for more outside runs now that I am “outside” but for the time being I do enjoy the statistics on the treadmill. I can really gage the intensity of my run on the treadmill and today was an intense day.

I spent most of the morning in the gym but it was much too nice outside to be inside today. I broke down and went to Starbucks for the first time since my release, today. I don’t have much excess capital and with the restrictions of my parole I have to be very careful how I spend my money. I am now a cash and carry person which really isn’t a bad thing but when my cash runs out my wife needs to send me a check. With her residing on the other coast I must be judicious with the funds I currently have. However; today I did go to Starbucks for a combination breakfast and lunch since I skipped eating anything before I worked out. It wasn’t too costly and I had my old usual of a chai tea with soymilk. It tasted just like it tasted over 19 months ago and the blueberry oat bran bar was delicious.

I walked around the mall after sitting in Starbucks trying to get online. I am so far out of the loop that I thought Starbucks offered free wireless internet service (I think they should for the prices they charge!). I brought in the laptop and tried to connect but the service cost $9.99 for 24 hours and there was no way I could purchase this since I am prohibited from owning a debit or credit card. I doubt very much if I would have purchased the access if I had a debit or credit card. That would have been a very unnecessary expense so I went for a walk around the mall.

I never realized how nice the local mall is. It was very clean and there weren’t many people in the mall. There weren’t many people because the day was so beautiful. I took this as a cue to go outside. I drove through our old neighborhood and much to my surprise there was only one house on our old block which was for sale. However; as I went down the block I discovered 7 other for sale signs. I did notice a house for rent and I called the agent to see how much rent was going for but I had to leave a message and the agent has yet to call me back. From here I went to a local park with a very nice lake. I took out my book and sat by the lake reading. I was enjoying the warm sunshine and enjoying watching all the families walk by. My life is incredible.