No "Grind" Here

My life is a joy. It is wonderful to be able to go for lunch in the park and just sit and watch all the people. Today after a very good GA meeting I went to a new store which opened up while I was “away” and this store (Henry’s Market) has been designed for someone like me. Yes, that is right they sell only peanut butter, oatmeal, beans and rice!!! Okay that is my attempt at humor as they sell a few other items!!! Henry’s Market is in the Wild Oats Supermarket family and I used to frequent Wild Oats often when I resided in Las Vegas.

I took my time walking through the store and browsed at my leisure. These are very simple tasks which I have so often taken for granted but ever since I entered recovery three years ago and certainly since my release last week I do my best not to taken anything for granted. Life goes by so quickly and it is so easy to get caught up in the day to day “grind”. I embrace the “grind” and to me there is no such thing as a “grind” since my life as been reawakened.

I do feel like a new person and the free world has not changed very much in the past 19 plus months. In fact I have gone back to my old gym and it is exactly how I remembered it even the people who frequented it over a year and a half ago are still there. The people who man the front desk treat me just like they did and I am fairly certain my membership expired last year yet I just walk in like I was just there last week. One of the trainers who knew me asked me where I have been and my replied was “away”. I had to reiterate this a few times before he caught on and said, “Oh, it is good to have you back”. It is good to be back and the picture in my mind of the gym before I got is exactly as I have envisioned. I believe a few other gyms have opened in the area which has taken away some business because the gym seems to have less people working out even at the early hour of 5:30 am.

I have been welcomed back to society with open arms. I have felt no negative feelings from anyone and it is so wonderful to be able to go to a real live GA meeting. Last Saturday was my first meeting away from the “camp” in over 19 months and there was nothing but love in that room. I have gone to three other meetings since that meeting (not including this morning’s meeting) and each meeting has been very special. There are many people who were new to me and there were the stalwarts who are very special to me because they are the epitome of GA people helping people recover from a compulsive gambling problem.

Next there will be a birthday celebration for four people. I will be celebrating my third birthday in the program along with a dear friend who is celebrating her third birthday as well. My boss will be celebrating his fifth birthday and another member will be celebrating her first birthday. On my first birthday I celebrated with three other members as well. Unfortunately, two of those members are no longer associated with the program. I don’t know if they have ventured back out into the compulsive gambling black hole but I do hope they are doing well. The statistics bear out that only 8% of the people who enter the Gamblers Anonymous make it to their first birthday and I would believe the percentage drops off from there as they approach their two, three, and four and so forth birthdays.

This is ashamed because I know for certain GA continues to save my life. I will not be in the position I am currently in had it not been for the GA Program and the incredible people associated. I am living with a dear friend from GA who has graciously lent me his car for as long as I need. I am working for another friend in the GA Program who has given me a second chance. He displays a great deal of confidence, support and trust in me and I am eternally grateful.

As I have mentioned I have restrictions which has been placed on me as I serve parole. The Parole Department does not necessarily believe in giving a person a clean start once the prison sentence is served. I cannot do what I have been trained to do because of these conditions. I can’t say that I disagree because they are protecting their best interests. They (the system) don’t know me from Adam and I am just a file. I am no different from any other ex-convict which is why my Parole Agent will not allow me to travel to New Jersey.

The sentiment is that I may not come back to California because of my restitution obligations. Once again I cannot disagree with this thought process because I am certain others have runaway after serving their prison term. I have no intention of running away because I am on the downward slope of this journey.

Yes, I have restitution obligations which I will address to the best of my ability. It would be wonderful to visit with my family and see my children while celebrating my daughter’s communion but I need permission to attend. I cannot push the issue because ideally I would like to go to New Jersey when my children finish school in June and drive back with them. Hopefully I will be able to do this. I do know whatever happens will be for the very best because this is how my life is; for the very best.