One Month into "Freedom"

Being indigent does have its perks!!! Yesterday evening I had a lovely dinner with a very good friend of mine. This friend of mine goes back to a time where I certainly lost my mind yet this friend has always been there for me. We have had a very peculiar relationship from the start as I believe we were once related in a previous life. There are people in my life who are extraordinary and this person is certainly one of them.

The dinner was good but the conversation superlative. I can’t remember the last time I sat in a restaurant for over three hours just talking. I was filled in on the past few years and there was a great deal to fill me in on. This dear friend is connected to me through a previous job and we do have a long history. All of this history has been positive in every aspect. I was blessed with good people who I worked with through and through. Now we have developed a very special relationship.

I can’t reiterate enough what I did was wrong; however; the reception I have received from most people (if not all) has been positive. A few messages were relayed to me and it was good to hear their names along with their well wishes. My actions are very hard to understand for most people who don’t understand the compulsive gambler.

I did a very good job at what I have termed “professionalizing” my compulsive gambling over the years. I hid it from just about anyone, my wife has subsequently said to me she knew I was gambling but did not know to what extent. This good friend last night did not know I was compulsive gambling at the time of my crimes and this was certainly my intention to hide it from anyone. I even hid it from myself as my denial raged on for 20 plus years. Thankfully, my denial came crashing down over three years ago and life continues to get better.

It is difficult to not play the “what if” game and people do ask me the “what if” questions. There is nothing I can do to change or alter my past, “it is what it is”. Having the “what if” discussion may make interesting conversation but it has no place in my psyche. Many things have transpired at my previous employer since my departure and many of those things aren’t so good. I’m not sure if my fall from grace had anything to do with those things but I would guess it is not a coincidence. I did work with and for some very good people. Many of those folks are no longer there for various reasons. I wish no ill-will on anyone and hope everyone finds peace and happiness.

Yes, the dinner companionship was excellent and the evening went by so quickly. I returned home (to my dear friends’ house) and quickly got ready for bed. Recently I was presented with a book on how to sell cars and started to read this book last night. The book is written by one of the (if not the leading) trainer for car salespeople. I don’t know if I will venture into the car sales industry but I do need to keep all of my options open. Car salespeople don’t have the greatest reputation in the world but this book does present a very doable way to sell cars for the long haul. As usual I will take it one step at a time.

I didn’t have a very good night sleep as I was tossing and turning all night long. I think I ate too many peanuts during the day because my stomach was in knots. I was up and down all night long. This was the first time since I departed prison (incidentally one month ago today, where has that time gone!!) that I had difficulty in sleeping. I had all intentions of working out this morning since I took yesterday as a day off but I felt horrible this morning. Rest was in order and it has taken all day for the knot in my stomach to partially release. I had a non-dairy smoothie for lunch along with a shot of wheat grass (which is pressed grass and it does taste exactly as its name-sake). This seemed to have helped but I am still not 100%.

One month since my release and wow what a month it has been. I have been able to do so many things and time is moving by so quickly. The best part of the past 30 days has been the fact that I have been able to speak with my wife and children each one of those 30 days. Also; being able to use a bathroom with a door on it does have its benefits!!! Life is moving along quite nicely and the novelty of being in the “free world” has yet to wear off. I do hope it is more then a “novelty” because it is so wonderful to enjoy my freedom, life is spectacular!!