Breath of "Fresh" Air

Hump day and now I am gearing myself for “hump” month as I look forward to my family’s arrival at the end of June or early July. The “plan” is for me to fly out to New Jersey and drive back with my family. I am not so sure this “plan” will “cut the mustard” with my Parole Agent. It does appear I won’t be given permission to go back for my daughter’s communion at the end of April. I don’t know what type of reception I will receive if I ask about going back at the end of June.

Most likely it will be the beginning of July because I am attending the National Council for Problem Gambling’s Annual Conference at the end of June. I have been invited by the Executive Director of the Council and hopefully I will get the opportunity to speak. I am fortunate because this Conference which is held each year (hence the “annual” moniker!) is being held in Southern California so I shouldn’t be prohibited from attending.

I really don’t want my family to drive across country without me and having the car shipped is much too expensive and add in the airfares for three people; driving across country would be a much less expensive alternative. Once again I have no control of the situation and I will accept the decision. I do know that whatever happens will be for the very best and this is the case for me not being able to go at the end of April. I still will ask again when I see my Parole Agent next month so I still have hope.

The hump month would be May because that would leave only one more month before my family rejoins me out here in California. It is odd being out here without my family but I am managing. My dear friends have opened up their home to me and I do feel like a family member. In lieu of a rent payment I have offered my services as a babysitter for their two little ones and have been taken up on this twice already. Babysitting for two little ones does bring back memories for me and I can say I am very happy my children are older. Babies and toddlers are wonderful but they do take up a great deal of energy.

A few years ago I decided with my wife’s consent that we were done having any more children since we had one daughter and one son. While I was in prison I did have some fleeting thoughts about having another child but as I stated those were fleeting thoughts and now I am very happy with my decision not to add to our family. I am not getting any younger although I still feel the same way I did 10 years ago but I will enjoy every moment with my children as they grow up. My daughter is 10 and it is amazing how fast those 10 years have gone and I shudder to think that in only another 10 years time she will be 20 years old. Wow time does go by quickly and I must stay in the present relishing every moment.

My new position is moving along and I do question the longevity of this position. My boss has run a very successful counseling practice for a number of years. However; in recent months due to the financial crisis of the state of California the center has fallen on hard times. Things are very difficult and I had the uncomfortable task of breaking the not so good financial well being of the center to my boss.

I am very happy to volunteer my services and I am eternally grateful for the opportunity but at some point I won’t be able to survive as a volunteer nor will the counseling center. As always I don’t know what the future holds and I will live one moment at a time. My days are very fulfilling and like I have mentioned previously those days go by in warp speed. My boss practices the principles of “The Secret” and he firmly believes things will turnaround. I do hope he is correct because it is a great place to work with amazing people.

Today in order to remain “present” I took a walk for about 30 minutes in lieu of a lunch break. In years gone by I would stay indoors in an office environment for 10 straight hours and that was no way to live. The weather in this part of the country is wonderful and 30 minutes outside during the middle of the day did wonders for me. I do see changes within myself because I would have never thought of doing this in a previous lifetime. My time in prison taught me to love the outdoors and getting outside is vitally important. The sunshine was so much better then the florescent lights and the warm breeze was so much better then the air conditioning. As I walked I smiled knowing everything in my life is incredible.