Healing

I received a comment to one of the postings I did last week regarding my previous job. Here is the comment posted by Anonymous; "Whether you think so or not, there are people at your previous job that miss talking to you also. " Also there was another comment posted by Shannon in reference to this comment"Why don't these anonymous people talk to you? There are cell phones, home-phones, e-mail. I can't understand why there is no interaction going on. What is the real reason why people are not talking? Paul did a terrible thing, but isn't he the same person with the same kind traits and the same caring personality that you all know? He didn't do any of this to hurt anyone. He was too immersed, too involved with his problem. Is he the type of person who would intentionally hurt anyone? I can't imagine that and I have not seen this in this individual. Can you honestly agree that he is an incredible and sincere listener with non-judgmental skills? I am excited to find out someone is actually reading these blogs!!! Awe, this is not true I know some people do read these postings but I am very happy to see comments being made.

In reference to the first comment; it is so nice to hear people at my previous job DO miss talking to me as I certainly miss interacting with them. I had a good thing in my previous job and I took it for granted. I can honestly say the people I worked with were wonderful in every sense. They were diligent hard working and fun to be around. My motto was treat people like adults and they will act like adults. Unfortunately, this didn't work on me but it certainly worked on the individuals I worked with. They were adults and did a remarkable job. So to see someone posting a comment stating they DO miss me helps my healing process. I am not a terrible person, yes, I did a terrible thing but this is not a reflection of the people I worked with and it is NOT a reflection of my true character. I am finally getting in touch with my true character and I like the results.

As for the second comment; I think people are still afraid of repercussions when they contact me so the contact is done anonymously in this forum. Yes, there is still a legal case pending and I don't know if the conspiracy theorists are still at it but it is better to be safe than sorry when corresponding with me. Also; my previous employer gave strict instructions to my previous co-workers to NOT contact me. I have had contact with a few via telephone and email and some through third parties but most are afraid they will lose their jobs.

Also, I am certainly NOT someone who would INTENTIONALLY hurt anyone and I hope my previous co-workers would agree with this statement. Compulsive gambling is a disease and it is a progressive disease which makes some people do DUMB things and I did some DUMB things. Additionally; as for the last statement/question regarding my listening skills and being non-judgmental; I wouldn't say I have incredible listening skills because I am working on being more humble. I would say my listening skills are above average because why would most everyone at my previous employer come to me when they had a problem and would not seek out anyone else? I know the answer to this and I think my previous co-workers know the answer to this as well. Yes, I always listened even though I had a demon living in my head I always listened and tried to solve the problem. One of my main problems was I didn't listen to myself, I completely fooled myself into thinking I didn't have a problem. Now I understand one of my many character defects which is to be honest with myself. The second part of the last comment regarding me being non-judgmental; I have been somewhat non-judgmental in the past and now I certainly do not pass judgment on anyone. I have no right passing judgment on anyone; I am still trying to completely understand myself. How can I take personal inventory on others when my own "house" is so screwed up?? Even before I came to the realization I was fooling myself I would always lend my ear to listen and not pass judgment on others this hasn't changed it has actually gotten better thanks to my family, the grace of God and Gamblers Anonymous.