Picnic

First off; a happy one day belated birthday to my sister-in-law; wow the BIG THREE ZERO (sorry couldn't resist); I hope you had a great day!!!! Happy birthday Jen and many many more.

Yesterday was the summer picnic for our Gamblers Anonymous regional group. It was a wonderful day. The picnic was held in a public park adjacent to one of the nicest bay and beach in the area. The weather was wonderful. When we left our house it was 95 degrees when we arrived at the park (some 60 miles away) it was 77 degrees. The children had a great time on the beach; playing in the sand and picking sea shells from the water. There were scheduled activities for the children but it was very difficult to get them away from the beach and if the children are having a good time then the adults are having a good time. Needless to say we didn't interrupt their good time; we let them play in the sand for as long as they liked. The children did break away from the beach for the magic show and my four year old son took part in the show as a volunteer. He made a rabbit disappear; actually the other volunteer (a little girl about the same age) made the rabbit multiply. It was so cute and one of those priceless moments when my son came running back to his seat with an ear to ear grin, so very wonderful!!

We went with dear friends of ours and their children as well. These friends have become a big part of my life and my family's life and we were so happy they joined us for the day. Everyone had a great time. I felt more comfortable at this picnic then I have ever felt at anyone of my previous employers picnics. These are good people and I am so very happy to have found them. I would truly be lost if it weren't for my family, friends and GA.

I read something today about compulsive gamblers and the research of this particular area. Here is the link; it is a very interesting article and gets somewhat technical; however; the point is very clear. Here is a quote; "We are finding that pathological gambling is very definitely a brain disease"; the researchers are still no sure whether a person is born with a brain that is hardwired differently than normal people or gambling changes the brain to react differently than normal people. I can only speak from my own behaviors. Why do I get a rush from placing a wager on a sporting event or even when I would venture into the casino and play blackjack; why would my body be constantly moving almost an uncontrollable twitch? I really don't know the answers to these questions but I suspect it is not normal behavior or the world would be filled with compulsive gamblers. Why would a person at the age of 18 who got into trouble continue this same type of trouble at a later stage in life? Is my brain hardwired differently? The answer is yes. Can a prescription medication help me control my urges; possibly but a more effective way is a behavior change.

Again, these are my opinions and take them for what they are worth. If science can come up with a pill that would take all addictions away would people or more specifically would I take this medication? Maybe; but I would have to understand the side effects and right now there are no known magic pills. The only way for me to not repeat my past behaviors is to not repeat my past behaviors. Makes sense, right? I have identified the things that have led me to where I am today and I am seeking to change those things. As I spoke about the other day; one is to remove the problem; DON'T GAMBLE for anything. Yes, I am doing this one day at a time. However; today as I was reading the Sunday newspaper and I glanced over the sports section some of my OLD thoughts crop up. Why? It is very simple I have done this things for so long it is inevitable these thoughts will come up. I obviously cannot act on the thoughts and I think it is good I am recognizing these thoughts. In the past after years of not gambling I let myself believe I could gamble again and we all know where this thought process led.

Maybe there is something in my brain that is hardwired differently than normal people. Maybe it is a genetic behavior and maybe it is a learned/conditioned behavior. However; it certainly does not excuse what I have done. I am searching to make myself a better person and I have identified many areas of weakness and I am working on these weaknesses to live a life with purpose. I got so complacent in my life I never recognized my behaviors and these behaviors led to bad things. Now I am taking the steps to recognize these BAD behaviors BEFORE they ruin my life.

Final thoughts; maybe I am being a bit repetitive but like I have written before I am a slow learner. I have one chance to make this negative situation a positive situation and I will take as much time as needed to get it right.