First of Many

Last night I had the honor and privilege to co-chair a one year Gamblers Anonymous birthday. This marks the first of six one year birthdays which will take place within the next month. I don't know what happened last year as to why six of us entered the GA Program at relatively the same time but I do know why I have stayed around. I have stayed around because the Program has saved my life and someone put it so well this afternoon it would be so selfish of me to leave the Program and not help others. I truly love this Program and the people within the Program. They have given me so much love and support it really is amazing.

At the one year birthday last night the room was filled with love and admiration. The person who was celebrating their one year birthday is a very special member and I was so honored when they asked me to help chair the meeting. The Program works if you work it and this member has worked the Program since day one and continues to work the Program each and every day.

We are blessed people to have found such a wonderful Program and I am blessed person to be surrounded by such magnificent people. The meeting went very well and wouldn't you know it we had three brand new members attend their very first meeting. The sad fact is compulsive gambling is really taking its toll on our society but the positive fact is that people are seeking help with their addiction.

This afternoon I attended the new Wednesday GA meeting which features a different speaker each week. Today we had a very long time member share their experience, strength and hope. I was mesmerized the whole time this member spoke. This member has seen a great many people enter the rooms of GA and some make it and some don't but that does not deter this member from making a lifetime commitment to the Program. It truly is a lifetime commitment. I will never be cured and as long as I have the GA Program in my life and apply the Steps in my daily affairs life will continue to get better. I listened to a person who lives and loves the GA Program and it has saved their life as well.

Before the GA meeting I met with my regular compulsive gambler group for an hour. I have been doing this for the past three weeks and it really gets to the core of my problem and also helps me in other areas of my life. It is a great supplement to the GA Program and the person who is in charge of the group is a long time member of GA as well. Today was a little different because this person who is in charge of the group was not there but we decided to meet anyway. We deviated a little bit from the group materials but it still was a great session. I was able to ask and answer questions at length and I believe the other members of the group had gotten something out of it as well.

I have always liked to ask questions because this is how I learn but in the past I was never very good at answering questions because I was not honest. Today I am getting very comfortable answering questions because I am honest each and every day. This is one of the keys to my recovery. As long as I am honest and open with myself I can be honest and open with everyone else. I found myself answering questions this afternoon and the answers just flowed because I didn't have to stop and think about any lies I might have told. It is so much easier to answer any questions when I am honest because I don't have to remember anything because the truth comes naturally.

The lies have stopped and in fact the lies stopped one year ago today. One year ago tonight was the first time I told someone about my compulsive gambling problem even though I was confronted the next day. I had to tell someone and I chose someone who I considered a very good friend. Unfortunately the events of this past year have prevented me from seeing or hearing from this former friend but I still remember telling this person what I had done. I put this person in a very bad situation and other situations have come up in the past year to further complicate this person life but I know everyone will work itself out. I don't believe I will ever see or speak with this person again but that is the price I will pay for inability to get help at an earlier time.

During this conversation there were many things brought up and this former friend made me believe everything would be okay. I was extremely delusional and wanted to believe everything would be okay which may have been one of the reasons as to why I told this person. Over the course of the next few days everything wasn't okay but over the course of this past year everything is really turning out very well. It really has been the worst and best of years. I won't go into the gory details but I know this has happened for a reason and no matter what the judge decides in the next few weeks everything will continue to get better.