The "Talk"

Last night I had the "talk" with my daughter and son. There are some situations in life that you hope and pray you never have to deal with and last night's "talk" was one of them. The simple fact of the matter is my inability to control or rather address my compulsive gambling problem has caused a few too many of these situations. However; I have caused this devastation and destruction and I must continue to deal with any and all situations as they arise.

I decided last night with my faithful day less than one month away to tell my children about my pending departure from the family. I had both my daughter and son in the family room in the E-Z chair with me. I told them I had something to say and they sat down right next to me. My daughter was the first to speak before I started the "talk". She said she knew what I was going to tell them and I asked her what would that be. She replied; you are going to tell us we have to move. She is a very smart 8 year old girl and I told her she was partly correct. Yes, we in fact do need to move but that wasn't exactly what I had to tell them.

I went on to explain to them that I made a mistake and I will have to go away to pay for that mistake. I will be gone for awhile but I will be back before they know it. My son was disinterested from the start; he is five years old and if it doesn't have to do with superheroes or trucks he wants no part of it. As I started the "talk" he became bored and went over to my wife and asked her to tell him a story. My wife told him to listen to Daddy.

My daughter on the other hand was very different. She listened intently and of course had some questions. She asked me how long I would be gone and I replied awhile but I would most likely miss Christmas and her birthday but I would be back very soon. She wanted to know if I was going to miss Halloween because we had talked about me being Willie Wonka and unfortunately I had to tell her I would not be around for Halloween. She seemed most disappointed at this not Christmas and not her birthday but Halloween, what I feel as an adult as important is very different to an eight year old. She wanted me to go treat or tricking with her while I was dressed up as Willie Wonka; I felt my heart drop of few feet when I heard her words about Halloween.

As I went on with the "talk" I brought up that I had to "pay" for my mistakes and when she heard "pay" she instantly asked me how much. I didn't give her a dollar figure because I tried to explain to her that it is more than money but the fact that I have to "pay" in terms of time and being away from the family; I tried to tell her it is not about money but about making sure those mistakes never happen again. Then I quickly changed the subject to something else which prompted her to ask me if she could sleep in my bed with Mommy when I was gone. I told her she would have to ask Mom but I wanted her to keep sleeping her own bed because that is her bedroom and it is important to have things of her own.

I could see the sadness in her eyes but I think she will be okay and as long as she keeps some normalcy in life for whatever time I am away which will go by quickly and I will be back before she knows it. Yes, it is absolutely horrible I had to have this discussion with my children but there is nothing I can do to change the past. I made these horrible decisions so I could live a fantasy life of compulsive gambling and I will now pay for it with some terrible consequences.

I know I have altered the life of my family with what I have done but hopefully with all that I have learned and continue to learn this alteration of my family's life will turn out positive. I do know this past year has turned out positive and no matter what happens in the next month it will continue to be positive as long as I continue doing the things I have done in this past year which means working the Gamblers Anonymous Program.