God Grant Me....

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. First off yes, this is me (Paul) making the post but please don't take this as good news. Unfortunately I was not sentenced today even though there was every indication that I would be. There are still two lingering non-sentence issues remaining and if the Judge sentenced me today those two issues would have been disposed of without any recourse. So those issues and the sentencing will be held on May 31st. Also, based on the Judge's comments this afternoon I WILL be remanded to state prison because I (rightfully) am a thief and I stole and in our society shall be punished. The compulsive gambling issue had nothing (according to the Judge) to do with my stealing.

He is correct in one way I did commit a crime and should be punished plain and simple. In our society (again this is according to the Judge) we view white collar crime differently than any other crime and we should not because it is a crime. Again; whether I stole from senior citizens on welfare or a casino it makes no difference because it is a crime. He is again correct; what I did was wrong and like I teach my children when you do something bad you will be punished. I have no qualms with his reasoning whatsovever because he is the one making the decision and I will respect that decision.

My case has become a high profile case and this has become a detriment to the sentencing. There are a great many people watching this case and the Judge knows that so his sentencing is not only predicating on punishing me but sending a message to the community. I do need to say one thing in regards to the high profile nature of my case; there was a case not too long ago in fact it was settled last June where a city employee from my city (Murrieta, CA) embezzled roughly $280,000 and spent all of the money gambling. He was confronted and confessed but showed little remorse and did nothing in terms of getting help for his addiction.

This man was sentenced by the same judge I have to probation where he served 13 days of the one year sentence. Yes, I know my dollar amount is higher but the principles of the case are virtually the same but I believe I have done some good in this past year and will continue to do good no matter the outcome of my case yet I will be facing state prison. I am not sure why the huge discrepancy in the sentencing of the cases but I will accept the decision when rendered.

Enough of the negativity; today I was blown away by the support I received from all my friends. There were 25 people in the courtroom all in support of me and my wife. These are great people who had to suffer through 2 1/2 hours of testimony not to have any closure to the matter. There was a certified gambling psychologists who testified on my behalf and she did the best job to her ability. She wasn't really briefed by my lawyer as to the questions he was going to ask but she did her best. The Assistant District Attorney did his best to discredit her and me along the way. She held her own but I believe what she was saying about pathological gambling being a certified mental disorder fell on deaf ears.

The facts of the case are simple as I stated previously there is no doubt I stole from my employer whether I used that money to gamble or for cancer treatment it doesn't matter I STOLE the money which makes me a thief and thieves are punished in state prison. Like the Judge said; I let my wife, my children, my employer, my friends and my family down by my actions. There is no denying these facts.

Getting back to the incredible support I received in that courtroom; people I did not know even existed 13 1/2 months ago took time out of their busy day to show their support; I am forever grateful for everyone and I love each one of you so very much. My dear sponsor also spoke on my behalf; he did an excellent job and he is a great person. My mom spoke on my behalf and also did a great job. Finally; my angel; my wife spoke on my behalf and did an outstanding job. She is so solid it is truly remarkable; I love her dearly. Each one of these special people said some very nice things about me; however; I am not so sure that it even matter what they had said because I felt the judge's mind was made up because afterall I did steal and there is no getting around those facts.

I am truly impressed with everyone and even though my character was cut to shreds by the Assistant District Attorney and the Judge I felt so much love and genuine affection in that courtroom I know in my heart I have done the right things in this past year. I will continue doing the right things and will get through this horrible stage a much better person because I have learned so much from the Gamblers Anonymous Program and one of those things is I cannot change my past I can only concentrate on today. Today I did not gamble and I worked the Program to the best of my ability and even though it was a very difficult day in the courtroom I know I am on the right path to recovery.