Step Nine

Before getting into Step Nine of the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program I would like to make an announcement. It has come to my attention that although Gamblers Anonymous is an international organization and is in many different countries there are still parts of this country who do not have access to this wonderful Program. If there is anyone interested in starting their own Gamblers Anonymous meeting please contact the International Service Office of GA and request a new meeting kit. It is truly an amazing Organization and they will send you all the materials needed to start a meeting. I do realize GA is not for everyone but I need to sing their praises because they have given me my life back.

Enough of the public service announcement on to Step Nine of the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program; Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. This is the action step created by Step Eight where I made a list of all persons who I harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. I do need a great deal of courage to complete Step Nine because it means facing people directly who I have harmed. This step will require me to take my lumps because what I have done to some people cannot be easily rectified with a cash payment. Most of my harm was emotional and yes, there was the financial end but that is being resolved by the court system.

This step is going to take a great deal of time to finally complete but I do know I must actively pursue this step in order to continue my recovery. The emotional harm I caused my family cannot be easily rectified in one day, one week or one year it is a lifetime process. I believe as long as I continue to work my recovery to the best of my ability and follow the GA Program I will continue to make amends to my family. I cannot undue all my past deeds I can only live today with a positive purpose and I pray to God this positive purpose stays with me for the rest of my life.

I cannot take away the emotional harm I brought on to my mother, father and mother-in-law. I do know I have some tremendous support from all three of these magnificent people but I cannot screw up again or my amends (working my recovery) will be for nothing. I will do my best to not screw up and thus my amends is how I live each day with honesty, open-mindness and willingness to recover from my compulsive gambling addiction.

I don't know how to make amends to the people I worked with. I do know there are some incredible people whom I worked with that are still there and yet they have been supportive of me through this entire ordeal. They have been supportive even though they have been directed to have no contact with me whatsoever by my previous employer these are special people and part of my blessings. I guess I must have done something right when I worked there and I guess some of these people see the true Paul not the out of control compulsive gambler Paul who did those terrible things.

I have written letters to many of my co-workers because at this present time I cannot see them in person who they may lose their jobs. I would not put their jobs in jeopardy but I do foresee a time where all my legal matters will be resolved and one by one I will try to make amends directly to those I hurt.

I know no matter what I do or what I say there will be people who want nothing to do with me and that is okay because I cannot change people's thought processes. I can only do my best and hopefully it will come across as sincere and genuine. I did not set out to hurt anyone yet the madness over the course of 20 years hurt so many people. The financial part is insignificant to the emotional part. I will be making my amends each and everyday so long as I walk this earth.