Step Eight

As I walked into the Saturday morning Gamblers Anonymous meeting I was immediately asked to chair the meeting by another dear member. This member knows that this will be my last Saturday morning GA meeting for awhile and they wanted to ensure I was fully involved by asking me to chair the meeting. It was my honor and privilege to chair the meeting for a Program that has saved my life. This meeting has a very special meaning to me because I attended the Saturday morning meeting over 400 days for the very first time and from that first time I was instantly hooked into this fantastic Program.

We have subsequently changed locations of this meeting and the location is much more conducive to a truly anonymous meeting but the people who have been attending this meeting over the past 400 days with me are some of the greatest people I have ever met in my life. We are the fortunate ones who are doing something about our problems and arresting our addiction through a tried and true Program. Some of us like myself had to hit a very serious rock bottom before admitting we were problem gamblers but I am so very grateful to have made the decision to get help with my gambling problem over 13 months ago because my life has been forever changed for the better.

Today's meeting was extremely good and as always was filled with love. These fantastic people have opened their arms and souls for me and I am forever in their debt. Each person in that room I consider a dear friend and I am blessed to have had this time to get my life back together. I know I am a much better person today than I was over 13 1/2 months ago because of the people in the Program. I have learned who I really am and I like the person I have become. I would like to thank everyone for believing in me and giving me the tremendous support over this past year. I love everyone in that room without exception.

Now on to step eight of the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Program; Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. This is going to be quite a list because I have harmed a great many people over the course of the last 20 plus years of gambling. First on this list has to be me; I have harmed myself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically and financially without a doubt. Next on the list is my wife; I have harmed her in all of those previous characteristics as well. Then my children; although they may not feel harmed at the present I have taken away their ability to live their lives the way it was intended; instead I stole from their future as my gambling controlled my life. Next on the list is my mother and father; I have affected them emotionally; no parent should have to go through what they have gone through. They raised three good children and one of them turned into a thief and this has no bearing on either one of them. The decisions were mine and mine alone.

My sisters; even though both of them are tremendous people and great souls I harmed them emotionally with my misdeeds. They have stood by me and have come through in very critical periods but I had no right to put them in those type of situations. My mother-in-law; I harmed her emotionally as well; she had to worry and continues to worry about things that she should not have to worry about; I put her in that position and I had no right to put her in that position as well. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law; I put them in a position of emotional harm very early on in my predicament and I had no right to put them in this position as well. My grandmother; I hurt her emotionally as well; I had no right to put her in this position.

I harmed my co-workers with shock and dismay and yes, there was certainly emotional harm done. No one thought I was a compulsive gambler and no one thought I was thief but I was both of those things. I tried to be genuine in dealing with them but my horrible actions have wiped away any genuine feelings they may have had toward me. There are quite a few people I have harmed at my previous employment and it will take time to make amends to them all. This Step only tells me to make a list of those I have harmed and in the next Step Nine will be the action by actually making amends to those I have harmed.

Along the same lines as my previous co-workers is my previous employer because I have harmed them financially with my actions. I am in the process of making amends to them and it will be court mandated to make full amends.

Finally there is a long list of friends who I have harmed emotionally by my actions. Most of these friends are true friends and have stayed with me this entire time. Some other friends have faded away but I did harm them emotionally and must be included on this list. This list must include ALL the people I have harmed. This Step is starting my return to society. If I do this Step correctly; all fear will dissipate and I will be free to talk and move about as a normal person. This is not something that is done overnight it is a lifelong process and as long as I continue working these Steps my life will continue to get better each and every day.