It Is What It Is...

As I laid in bed last night for what could be the last time in a long time I thought to myself; oh my this really wasn't how I envisioned my life but instead of tossing and turning and dwelling on the past I said to myself; "it is what it is". I can't change those past horrible deeds and I certainly can't live in the past I can only live in the present. Well today being the present wasn't the most fun day I have had in a long time but it was as I had expected it to be. The movers showed up one hour late which would lead to later problems but more on that later.

I packed up the mini-van with a load of boxes which I took to our dear friends house. We now have two garages in virtually the same neighborhood that all filled with my family's belongings along with a storage facility not exactly the best way to move but we are truly making the best of it. Thanks to our dear friends the move could have been a great deal worse instead it is moving (no pun intended!!) along just fine.

The movers put in a 10 hour day moving our furniture and some miscellaneous items into the storage facility. There were two men; one man in his forties and one college student who were very polite and did a great job. The older man has 11 children; 9 boys and 2 girls and now I understand why he works 15 hour days! The younger man is in college and was very respectful and his day was made when I offered him all the left over beer I had!!! Unfortunately due to their tardiness we weren't able to complete the move into the storage facility because the storage facility closed at 7:00 pm and we arrived at 7:50 pm. Now we have to go back tomorrow morning to finish the move but that is really okay. We still have some more boxing up to do in the house and we need to figure out what will fit in the car for our drive across country.

Tonight my children are sleeping in their tents in their own rooms and my wife and I will be sleeping on the floor. There is no furniture anywhere in the house the lone appliance is a television that we are taking back to New Jersey. There is no place to sit except on the floor or a box because all of the chairs have been packed. It really is a strange night and I do feel like a stranger in strange house.

My wife and I chose this house almost five years ago and after searching two weeks for the right house we happened to find by chance. We followed a few signs and instead of making a left we made a right. We instantly fell in love with the house and decided to buy it. This decision was a great decision because of it we have met so many great friends and these friends are still are friends even knowing my faults. Yes, the house was perfect but I did screw it up as the house appreciated I continued to tap the equity so I could live my compulsive gambling fantasy life and when I grew tired of tapping the equity I turned to crime and we all know where that has led me. I will be sad to leave the house much like I was sad to see my car get towed away but really they are both immaterial possessions the only material possessions that matter to me are my family.

I will be sharing a cross country journey with my family and the fact that we all will be together for the next few weeks keeps me going each and everyday. Also knowing I have gotten my life back on the right path and I continue to make the right choices each and every day which is to NOT gamble makes my days very bright. Yes, this day wasn't the brightest and it really is difficult knowing what I have done to my family and myself but I pray to God those days will stay in the past and the present will continue on its bright path.

I will maintain this blog to the best of my ability as we make our way across the country. The postings may not be made each day; instead there maybe some days where there are no posts and some days where there are many posts. I will continue to write because it has helped me so much in my recovery and it really is therapeutic. Finally; I would like to thank the many people who have emailed me with such kind and generous words. These comments mean the world to me and thank you so very much.