Two Stories

We only have a few days left in Southern California and thank goodness we are not a strict time schedule so we don't have to kill ourselves (I should say my wife does not have to kill herself more on that later) to have everything ready to move by Thursday. We are moving all the furniture on Thursday to a storage facility nearby and whatever we have left over we be moved either into that same storage facility or one of our dear friend's garage. I would like to be on the road by Friday but if we need to move more things it will be okay to leave on Saturday.

We will be taking our time traveling cross country with two planned stops; one in Las Vegas to visit two of our very good old friends and one in Denver to visit my sister and her family. After leaving Denver we will take our time traveling towards New Jersey. One stop will be in either Kansas or Missouri with the other stop in either Ohio or Pennsylvania. I am not sure but we may stop at the Grand Canyon on our way from Las Vegas to Denver because we haven't been there even though we spent 8 years living in Las Vegas some three hours away from the Grand Canyon and who knows when all of us will be back this way.

This afternoon I spent three hours retelling my story to a newspaper reporter who has actually become a good friend. I have been dealing with this person for over one year now and even though this reporter has written only one story which by the way was at the very beginning of my ordeal my wife and I feel very comfortable with them. I am anxious to see the final story which presumably will be published when I get sentenced hopefully in mid July.

As I was retelling my story for what seems to be the thousandth time I found myself reflecting at how bad my compulsive gambling really was. When I was in the throws of my compulsive gambling I would go to great lengths to ensure no one knew what I was doing. I was very good at lying which in retrospect was exhausting. I had to keep track of so many details it was truly amazing I could function as a person. I tried to protect myself at all costs to ensure no one knew that I was gambling. I remember having conversations with people about gambling and saying to them that I don't gamble anymore and they should be careful when they gamble because it can do bad things to them. Then I would turnaround and no less than five minutes later I would be back at the computer placing my bets forgetting everything I had just said.

It truly was like I had a split personality. On the one hand I was the devoted family man and the go to guy at my work but on the other hand I was the reckless out of control gambler and thief. Thank God those days are over and I have found a way to live in peace, serenity and most importantly with honesty. I was everything but honest when I was gambling because I would do everything and anything to perpetuate my gambling fantasy which included lying, cheating and stealing. I also thank God everyday I got caught because had I not gotten caught I would have died a horrible lonely death. Also I thank God for the Gamblers Anonymous Program because it continues to teach me how to live a great life without gambling. Yes, it is a great life even though in a few short weeks I will lose my freedom and become a prisoner.

I was a prisoner of my compulsive gambling now I am no longer a prisoner to my compulsive gambling because of the GA Program. The GA Program has given me a new life and new positive outlook on life. I know as long as I practice the principles of the GA Program in my daily affairs my life continues to get better and better. The way I lived when I was gambling compulsively was no life and now I have a wonderful life which is filled with so many blessings. I get to truly experience these blessings each and everyday.

I want to close with two stories. The first one is about a woman in Oklahoma who left her grandson locked in a car so she could go and gamble. The upsetting part of this story for me is there is no admission of responsibility by the woman and there is no mention of a compulsive gambling addiction or treatment for the addiction. I can only speak for myself and say this disease of compulsive gambling left untreated will only get worse never better. I pray this woman gets help because this may have been the wake call she was looking for or it may not be. If it isn't I don't want to think about how bad it can get because I fairly certain it will get worse.

The second story is from Michigan and it is a question and answer. The question is about compulsive gambling and the answer is very good. The person who wrote the answer hits on all the key points; one great point is; " There is little you or anyone else can do for him until he decides he has an addiction and needs help to overcome it." Unfortunately this is the case for most people including me. It took a horrendous ordeal to finally I admit I am powerless to gambling and my life is unmanageable. I thank God I sought help for this horrible addiction because it has saved my life. Reading this answer portion really hits home to me and hopefully many people out there who suspect they have a gambling problem will seek some type of treatment. If they do there lives will changed for the better; I know because my life has.