Never Enough

I received an email earlier today from a very good friend of mine and the email contained this story. I had to read this story a few times to completely understand what was going on. Although this appears to be a very short article there are so many moving parts and my guess is it will someday be a novel, movie or both. This story represents the notion of it really is never enough to the compulsive gambler. I am not saying this person is a compulsive gambler because I try not to take inventory of others; rather, I see my own compulsive gambling addiction in this story which was certainly was no matter the dollar amount it was never enough.

Here we have a person who seemingly hit the motherlode of jackpots; $315 million before taxes I am sure it was somewhere around $175 million after taxes. One would think this is enough money to last several lifetimes. However; as a compulsive gambler myself there are so many other issues I have to deal with and money is way down on the list. If my thinking was completely out of whack (which it was) when I was gambling what would a big win like this do for me? Probably not much because I would have continued the horrible behavior; I certainly did not know any better until committing myself to recovery some fifteen months ago.

This would have been a license to continue the insanity and that is no way to live. It really wouldn't have matter how much money I won; I would have continued to gamble and risk my life. According to this story there appears to be a whole host of issues surrounding this "lucky winner" and I know for myself this type of win would have been a death sentence. I know now that I can't ever gamble again because it only leads to heartache and despair. I am interested to see how this story unfolds and I am sure one of the movie studios will pick up the rights to this story adding more problems for this "lucky winner". Hopefully, this person seeks the treatment they desire because life is so much better in reality as opposed to fantasy.

I am somewhat happy to report that this morning I woke up to only have one eye encrusted with the protein mucus (sorry!). Like I mentioned yesterday it is an allergic reaction to something and hopefully it will get better over the course of a few days. I did take an allergy medicine (Claritin) before going to bed which seemed to help a little. Enough of my physical maladies I am being to sound like an octogenarian on to positive matters. This morning I joined my wife at the park with my daughter's second grade class. My wife was there a few hours and I came there with my son to help the teacher walk the children back to school.

It was about a one mile walk and I was entrusted to not lose any children. I am happy to report all the children got back to the school in one piece even though we had some issues with the boys during the walk. The boys wanted to walk close to the traffic which is never a good idea and they were having a heard time paying attention to the teacher. I did have to raise my voice (and for those of you who know me understand how loud this little person (me) can be!!!) and then the boys fell into line.

Later on this evening we attended my son's pre-school graduation pageant. Yes, his school year is over on Friday as well and he will be attending kindergarten in August or September depending on what happens to me next month. It doesn't matter what month he starts kindergarten because he certainly is ready for the next grade. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday and only five years have passed but where have those five years gone??? Those five years were filled with ups and downs and I am sure the next five years will be filled with ups and downs. Hopefully, those ups and downs won't be as dramatic as these past five years. Nevertheless he is growing up so fast.

The pre-school put on a great ceremony. His teacher had asked me to do the narration like I did for their Christmas play in December. Of course I said yes, because it was my honor and privilege. The children did a great job and I almost broke down when they all walked in singing "The World is a Rainbow". If you have a chance try and download the song; it instantly brings tears to my eyes. My son is part "ham" and was living it up as he walked in and went to the stage. He was singing loudly and he was having a great time. He is quite a character with a wonderful personality. After the children went on stage they did a few other songs and acted out a story which was read by one of their teachers. Finally, they were given their certificates of graduation from Pre-School.

The evening was wonderful and after the ceremony the kids had a clown come to the stage to entertain them. Even my eight year old daughter had a blast with the clown. It made a great touch for a fabulous evening. I am so grateful to have been given this "extra bonus time" because I certainly did not believe I would be able to witness these events a few months ago. I am blessed to have been given this time and I am touched to finally be a real part of my children's activities.

They are both great children and I love them so very much. I know I will miss some of these activities in the near future but that time will go by and I will be back in their lives soon enough. With that said; it is so important for me to keep reiterating the fact that I must work my recovery because no matter what happens or where I am in the next few years I have to stay focused or all these blessings get washed away. I intend to keep doing what I have been doing and I look forward to many more special moments with my family.