Skeletons in the Closet

I am not sure how many skeletons I have left in my closet from my gambling days but a few of them may have been released today. There is so much wreckage in my past from my compulsive gambling not including this recent legal struggle I have truly lost track of the damage I have caused to one very special person in my life. I was speaking with this person earlier today and I was asked a question which I couldn't answer.

My initial reaction was to deny the actions but I have learned through the Gamblers Anonymous Program that my life is so much better when I tell the truth so I thought about the question for little while longer. The dates didn't make sense but then again my compulsive gambling didn't make much sense for the past 20 years so anything was truly possible during this time period.

I hope the dates were incorrect because that would mean I was a horrible person with no regard for anyone but myself. The last part of this sentence describes my compulsive gambling days to tee; I didn't care about anyone but myself so I would do anything to stay in action which included but was not limited to lying, cheating and stealing along with a whole host of other bad behaviors. I will find out soon enough if the dates were correct and if this was indeed linked to me which I am thinking it probably was; this is terrible behavior and no apologies can fix this damage of the past.

I can only concentrate on today and pray to God that those days are in the past. I know right now I wouldn't think of doing anything to harm anyone so I could place an insignificant wager because my life became unmanageable when I was gambling; I am and will always be powerless to gambling. I no longer have to live this way but there is so much wreckage from days gone by that it will take a lifetime to repair all of this damage.

I can only repair this damage one day at a time and look forward to each day as a gift from God. These gifts are enormous and knowing the amount of damage I have done to so many people it truly amazes me how much love and support I have in my life. I am forever thankful to everyone for this love and support.

There maybe more skeletons in the closet that will come out at a later point but I must ensure that I do not ADD anymore skeletons to the closet. The saying in Gamblers Anonymous is to "put the shovel down". I put the shovel down one year three months and one week ago; since that time there have been no more skeletons added to the closet. As long as I stay in recovery and work my Program the closet will some day be empty. I do look forward to that day but I must remain focused on today because today I did all the right things which means to NOT gamble, go to a meeting, help another person and live honestly. As long as these positive traits stay in my life I will continue to recover.

If I stray from these positive traits and the negative ones creep back in I am doomed to failure. I am tired of failure and want to succeed which is why I choose to live in a positive manner with a purpose. I know it is not going to get any easier as these skeletons keeping popping up but I will keep trying my best to keep my closet clean.