Approachable

I am not sure if it is or if it is one of those prison things that I don’t seem to understand, but for some reason when I am working out during yard time, other inmates seem to feel the need to converse with me. Over the past two days – but not today – I was in the middle of my workout when I was approached by two inmates who wanted to talk to me. I knew one of them and he came here on the same basis as me. However, I had never seen the other inmate. I am not exactly happy when my workout gets interrupted but hopefully I don’t show my displeasure because this could be misconstrued as disrespect. One of the most important things I have learned is to never slight anyone. I have unintentionally insulted another inmate while I was at the reception center but luckily this was quickly clarified. I don’t believe I disrespected either one of these inmates because I was very polite and cordial.

The conversation was about working out in both instances. The inmate that I knew was having a hard time running a mile and I gave him some encouragement along with some training tips. The other inmate spoke about working out and he was giving me advice on exercise techniques. Unfortunately, this was not the type of advice I was seeking because in order for me to become a physical training instructor, I have to perform each exercise perfectly with no cheating. He gave me some insight on getting to a fire camp faster which I thanked him for. While I was speaking with this inmate I was wondering if I should give a four month commitment to stay here if I become an instructor. I am not sure if it is worth it because even though it’s a great job, I so want to get to a camp as soon as possible. According to his inmate and his inside information, I could get to a fire camp in less than three months. This may not be the precise camp that I would want to go; however, anyone will be fine because most of them are only a few hours away from where I used to live. Also, with my family currently residing in NJ, it really doesn’t matter where I go as long as I get there as soon as possible.

Again, these are only possibilities and whatever happens will happen. I do like the fact that I am learning how the prison system operates and with a bit of luck this will expedite my stay here. Whatever the case, my eyes and ears are always open and even when I am working out I am open to anyone who wants to talk to me. What is also interesting is when I am doing my running, many inmates ask me how many laps I have completed.
When I tell them 21 or 24 (3 laps equal one mile) they seem astonished. It really isn’t a big deal and I certainly don’t make a big deal about it; however, many of the inmates seem impressed and the conversation always turns to me giving encouragement on their running. Again, I always seem to stay positive (but not too much since I don’t want to seem insincere) and turn the conversation towards the other inmate. This does make for some interesting conversations and hopefully some of my encouragement stays with them.

Each day I am grateful for being a compulsive gambler in RECOVERY. Prison is a tough place for someone with a gambling addiction especially this time of year with the NFL Football season. Gambling on these games is everywhere and even as I write there are screams emanating from the television 10 feet away from where I sit on my bunk. Each week the dorm inmates have a pool on the NFL games and I believe the cost is two soups – which equates to 40 cents. I believe the winner receives 50 soups which means out of the 36 dorm members, 25 participate in the pool each week. Also, there are many inmates who sell squares to the games for the same price of two soups. Thanks to my recovery, I am able to say “No thank you” to all the offers. Unfortunately, there are no GA meetings available nor can I find AA or NA meetings which supposedly are offered. Happily, there are no urges for me to join these pools or make any bets. The reason why my life continues to get better is because of my recovery. I will not jeopardize that in any way. Sure there aren’t any GA meetings to turn to but I do have a whole host of reading material to turn to in order to reinforce my recovery. My mother, sponsor, and incredible GA friends have provided me with this material and when I am feeling a little down, I open up one of these letters and I am instantly uplifted. Life is not about making some inconsequential wager which would cause my life to end. Life IS about living with a positive purpose and to stay “gamble free”. I have no intention of repeating my horrible mistakes from the past and the only way for me to learn from these mistakes is to stay in recovery. This is a lifetime process and I love how the last year and eight months have gone even though I am in this “foreign” place. I can’t wait until the burden of my incarceration is lifted so I can continue my wonderful recovery in freedom.

The clocks went back this morning, consequently making today a 25 hour day. Normally, I would look forward to gaining this one hour of sleep. However, being here I did not welcome this additional hour. Also, for the first time in a very long time I didn’t have to set a clock back. For as long as I could remember, I would go all around the house and set the clocks back. I would do this in the late afternoon of the day before they were supposed to go back. This would drive my wife crazy because even though the time had not changed, it had changed on every clock in the house and the car. Now I just look outside across the yard at the two clocks. Much to my surprise, these clocks were set back at the precise time that they should have been. I did wake up at 4:00 am and wondered if it was truly 4:00 or 3:00 and I realized it was 4:00 am. I went back to sleep for another two hours and found the yard clock was correct when I compared it to the one on the TV. My life is certainly at the mercy of others when I cannot even rely on myself for the proper time. I do miss the little things such as setting a clock back and I know in the not so distant future, I will again have the opportunity to drive my wife crazy when I set them back too far in advance.