Two Months in the Reception Center

Today marks two months and counting that I have been here. All of the things I heard prior to coming, led me to believe that I would be here a little over two months. I am still on this schedule and I am again looking forward to the “trans-pack” list on Friday. Again I am hoping to be transferred next week but the way I figure it, if I am not on this week’s list I should be on the list for next week. If I’m not the list for next week, I may start to panic a little. I know all of this is out my control and I do accept it, but this does not mean I won’t be disappointed. I still have human feelings and no matter how much I recite the “Serenity Prayer” I will still be let down, but not really as much as I have in the past. The GA Program has taught me to accept things that I cannot change and the power to change the things I can. I am in a situation which is completely out of my control and sometimes it does get difficult to stay positive and know everything will continue to work out fine or to become negative or paranoid which causes my stomach to do flips. I choose to stay positive because the worry is for nothing and there is no reason to put myself through this in a negative manner.

Yesterday the CO announced that there was no mail bag and I was really disappointed. The mail is a very significant segment in my day and not having that for the past three days made me look forward to “mail call.” At the designated time of 2:15, there was no mail-bag. However, three hours later the bag was delivered and we received our mail! I received three pieces of mail from my very dear friends. One letter in particular from a dear friend made me smile rather brightly which was the first time this person wrote to me. I love receiving unexpected mail and this letter along with the other two made my day that much brighter. I know I go on and on about this, but I am truly blessed with the incredible friends I have in my life. I am so fortunate to have so many people who care about me in my life. These are great people and great friends.

There is one inmate who I see each time I go up to the podium to receive my mail just about everyday. His bunk is on the way to and from the podium. He normally just shakes his head in amazement as to how much mail I receive. Also, each time he walks past my bunk he always sees me writing. We had a brief conversation earlier today and he asked me who I receive letters from and who I am writing to. I explained to him it is a combination of family and friends. It seemed as if this was a foreign concept and I did not want to belabor the point so I moved on. There is nothing I can do if another inmate is envious of my mail and the love I have in my life. I will continue to be safe and be strong no matter what others may feel about the mail I receive. I will not flaunt this and keep going about my business. I am forever grateful to everyone who writes to me!

As I was walking by the television seating area, I noticed the inmate who I wrote about a few days ago; the one who firmly believes all the non-violent criminals will be set free in 90 days due to overcrowding. This inmate is a well educated person and I am not sure what his initial charge is but presumably he was found guilty of something. He violated his probation by not reporting to his probation officer. I have no idea why he didn’t do this, but he didn’t comply with the terms of his probation. This earned him a 16 month (actually 8 months) sentence. This inmate is miserable and when I looked at him I think this could have been me if I did not enter into recovery.

I am not saying the inmate needs a 12 step program and I have no idea if he even has an addiction; however, life is all about choices. I made some horrible choices in the past and now I try to make the right ones everyday. One of these choices is my attitude - I could choose to be miserable just like him, but to me who would I be hurting? Obviously, myself~ I could mope around and say, “Woe is me”, I could also sit around hoping for a miracle or I can do something about my attitude. I do something about that each day by making the choice of having a positive attitude. Yes, this is a tough place and there are so many inmates who are so negative. I figure if I can stay positive all through the term, I can stay positive no matter what life throws at me.

Life is filled with ups and downs; many of these are out of my control which is why I choose a positive attitude. I understand there are many miserable people in and out of this place which is a horrible way to go through life. I can’t control these people nor can I control the miserable inmate. I can only control myself. It has taken me a very long time to realize this and I love this change because it keeps me at peace. I like my choices now and I fully understand I finally do have a choice and I choose a positive recovery.

In one letter I received yesterday, my kitchen exploits were mentioned as well as it becoming the next reality television series. I thought this was a great idea and someone should contact Mark Burnett (creator of Survivor and The Apprentice) so we could pitch the idea. I am not sure the California Prison System would be too happy about this idea so in lieu of the television series, I will continue my daily updates on the comings and goings of the kitchen.

Today was one of those “three oven item days” –scrambled eggs, potatoes, and cracked wheat. There are two of us who are permanently assigned to the ovens – myself and another inmate of a different race. On three item days, we need a third person to optimize efficiency (these are my words and it sounds much more important than it actually is). It is someone who is assigned to the grills. This person is of a third race. The “normal inmate” who helps cover the ovens on these days took off today. Thankfully, we had another grill person come in today to help us on the ovens. This person works well with both of us much better than the regular inmate who helps us out even though they are both of the same race.

This morning went smoothly because everyone worked well together. Each one of us took an item and yes, I took the cracked wheat. Somewhere down the road, I am going to have to let someone else mix the hot cereal, but for now everyone is happy that I take care of the cereal. There were no issues with any of the services or clean up. I cleaned all five ovens because no one else seemed to want to do this, however I didn’t mind. The two other oven guys cleaned the floors and the prep stations.

I have mentioned the inmate who always opens the food items and ovens. Yesterday he did it once again and this time I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask him a question. After he opened the potatoes and nearly burnt his hand. I said in a joking manner, while laughing, “I need to know why everyday you seem to come over and open the pans. Why do you do this?”
He answered back in a very sheepish way, “I just can’t help myself most of the times - I don’t realize what I am doing.”
My reply, “That’s fine but I just don’t want you to burn yourself.”
We both laughed and after a few minutes of conversation, he moved on. Today he came back to where I was mixing the cereal and opened one of the pans again. However, this time he was doing it as a joke and right after he did it, he said, “Gotcha!” I guess my question permeated his subconscious and he is now aware of his need to open things. Interesting enough, this was the only time he opened anything all morning which is a huge departure from the past. Who knows, maybe I helped?

It appears the dormitory has turned over yet again with all the new faces who have arrived here this week. There are only a handful of inmates who are here since I arrived in late August. Thankfully, the “normal inmate” is still here and as I have mentioned before, hopefully we will depart together in the coming weeks. It would be good if we were both assigned to fire camp, but he does not have enough time – his release date is November of next year. The minimum requirement for fire camp is 15 months left on your term and unfortunately or fortunately depending on your point of view, he has 13 months left remaining. Yes, there has been tremendous turnover and I imagine it must be very difficult for the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation to keep track of all the ins and outs. Nevertheless, they have a great deal of experience and hopefully my out is coming soon.