Possibilities

It is interesting how things around my new environment continue to evolve. Last night I went outside for the evening yard for only one reason - to sign up to use the telephone on Wednesday. This afternoon I have a call reserved so I can finally speak with my mother. Later today I will again sign up so I can call my wife and children on Thursday afternoon. Having a three hour time difference actually works out better because three hours earlier here makes it easier to telephone the east coast. It would be more difficult if the reverse was true. I did obtain a 7:45 pm time on Wednesday so I can call my wife.

As I was waiting for the telephone assignments, I was speaking to a few of the inmates who came with me on the bus from the reception center last Friday. One of the positives with coming with a large group – 22 in all – and mostly of the same race (which in prison is a built in common bond) is that I get to see familiar faces. As I spoke with these inmates, they introduced me to other fellow inmates from their dorm and other inmates who they knew. Me being me, I do venture out into the yard without anyone from my dorm. I do like to do my own thing when I exercise or when I am just roaming around so I didn’t have anyone to introduce them to. As it turns out, there are many fascinating stories from these inmates and it does help to pass the time much quicker listening to them.

One particular story came from an inmate who is in his early 40’s and has a drug addiction. He comes from a very wealthy family – at least he claims to but when he mentioned some names, I instantly recognized them. He could be fabricating his background, but I like to believe what people are saying to me is the truth or close to it. He has been in and out of recovery 8 different times. Obviously, he has been in trouble with the law and this is not the first time he has been to prison. We were talking first about my running ability which someone from the reception center mentioned to him. Then we moved to the “Gee, you don’t look like you belong here,” statement. I explained my gambling addiction and as we were discussing this, the inmate told me about a very close family member who died from compulsive gambling. Yes, you read that correctly. It wasn’t a suicide, but this family member gambled so heavily for over 30 years he neglected his health even when he was diagnosed with cancer. He continued to gamble and as the GA Combo states: compulsive gambling will lead to prison, insanity, or death (in some cases all three). This person died at a blackjack table in Las Vegas!

As I was listening to this story, I thought about how fortunate I have become in my recovery. Yes, it took me three times to finally understand the depth of my compulsive gambling and yes, I am in a not so good place for almost the next two years; however, I do know what it takes to recover from my illness. Not only do I know, but I am doing what it takes. Knowing and doing are two different concepts. I can say, “I know I have a problem with compulsive gambling” yet if I don’t do anything about it I am doomed to repeat my past mistakes. However, if I get up off my ass (pardon the language) and do something about it each and everyday, I will recover and have a positive life.

After listening for awhile, I asked the inmate what brought him here? He explained his drug addiction and how he has been in and out of rehabs 8 different times. Please keep in mind that this addiction affects the wealthy with unlimited resources just as it does a homeless person with no resources. Addictions of any kind are horrendous and it does not matter what economic or social sector one comes from – it can strike anyone. He continued to explain his story and he kept saying I am through with drugs. I know he means what he says but I didn’t hear a Program associated with his statement. Yes, there are people who can quit their addiction cold turkey without any programs and I say “God bless them.” I am not one of these people and I am grateful I am not. I don’t mean to be taking this person’s inventory; and this is just a personal opinion. This person has been in and out of 8 different rehabs which were not successful. How this person can stop their addiction on their own is beyond my comprehension. I do understand the first step is acknowledging the addiction which this inmate has done and part of the process has got to come from the person himself. However, for some people, (just like me) this is not enough and need a Program of Recovery whatever it may be.

I did not preach or give any lectures to this inmate and I wanted to give him the address of the Las Vegas Recovery Center – the place that offered me the job. I remember for my interview with them, I learned the owner was from a very wealthy family and had suffered from a drug addiction. He was able to recover and has been in recovery for over 20 years. However, the owner’s sister was not as fortunate. She tried and failed on many different occasions just like the inmate I spoke to tonight. So, the owner decided to take what worked best for him and apply it – also with a healthy capital investment – to his recovery / rehab center. His sister has been in recovery for a few years, thanks to these techniques which are based on the Twelve Steps.

This inmate made an impression on me and the conversation was very positive. He also told me about becoming a Physical Conditioning Trainer while I am here. There are inmates who train other inmates for the physical conditioning part of the firefighting training. It is a job five days a week each morning for two hours. I have no doubt I can do all of the physical requirements right now so I am very interested in this position. He gave me the name of the person in charge and tomorrow morning I will seek him out. He did mention that a four month commitment is necessary for this position which seems viable because it looks like I will be here this long. At the end of this time period I can supposedly choose the fire camp I would like to attend. Who knows if any of this will come true, but I do like the possibilities.

It appears that just like in the “normal” world, prison life is almost the same. The saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” applies to prison life as well. I don’t want to get caught up in any games or favors. I want to do things the right way; however, I do want to ensure the playing field is level for me. I don’t want to struggle against the system, I want the system to work with me. This may sound strange but there are many things I am very naïve to and I don’t want to get blindsided in any way. I need to keep my head up, eyes and ears open, but most of all I need to be safe and strong.

I will find my way around eventually. Right now this is one large learning process. It is again like being dropped into a foreign country and not knowing the language or the customs. Over time, I will learn all of these things and continue on my way back to my family. It is still very early and I will be as patient as I can in order to fully understand the environment.