Feeling My Way

First off, Happy Birthday to my older sister. I hope she had a wonderful day. Second, I am still trying to feel my way around these new surroundings. It is very difficult to be invisible in this environment. The dormitory is very small as I explained the other day and found out these dorms were initially built to house the inmates on single beds when it was opened some years ago. Now the dorm houses 36 inmates in 18 bunk beds. I was wondering why there were only two showers (only one is in use due to privacy concerns, thank God!) for all these inmates, now I understand why.

It makes it very difficult to become invisible with 35 other inmates all around. Last night I decided to take a break from writing and watch Game 1 of the World Series with some of the inmates. The television area now houses 2 sets of bunk beds and I would imagine this configuration should have been a great deal better when there were only 16 inmates in the dorm. Now the 19 inch television – color but no remote – sits in between two of the inmates lockers. There is a bench on each of the walls surrounding the room. The benches can seat 14 inmates uncomfortably and 10 comfortably. There is one positive feature of the television area and it is the plug-ins for headphones so the television does not have any exterior sound. Each inmate has headphones which I bought last night for $2.00 which equates to 10 soups. This is the only way to hear the TV through the headphones and a much better system than any other institution I have been in. In the county jail and the reception center, the television was situated in such a large open area; it was next to impossible to hear, no matter how much the volume was raised. Now even though the TV is smaller, the sound can be heard very well through the headphones. In fact, it was the first time in over three months, I was able to hear every word on the television.

I did indeed watch most of the Game 1 of the World Series until the game was a blowout. Someone did change the channel to a movie. I wanted to stay so I watched the end of this movie – Species – and after it was over there was a vote on the next one. Bourne Identity was won out over the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. As many of you know I am a big Harry Potter fan, but I did vote for the Bourne Identity. I watched the entire movie and felt like I was one of the “guys.” What I have to be careful of is being too different. Let’s face it, I am already different in the way I look, speak, and handle myself. I don’t want to just stay on my bunk and write, I do need to mingle - I am not sure if that is the right choice of words but I guess it will do – with my other dorm mates. It is also quite clear to everyone that I am different, but I suspect just like what happened in county, I will find my way and everything will be all right.

I do my best to be pleasant, courteous, and positive to everyone. On my very first day – Friday – I made a mistake. After I had been in the dorm a little less than an hour I had set up my bed and I was waiting for my Bunkie to put everything in his locker so I could set mine up. I saw a pile of very good current magazines – Fortune, Business Week and Time sitting on a cabinet in front of a bunk. Normally, the lockers are in the rear of the bunks so I thought these were common magazines to be used by anyone. I just thumbed through these as they sat on the cabinet. I didn’t pick them up, but I was interested in them. As soon as I thumbed through them, another inmate called out to me and yelled, “Hey, why are you touching my stuff?” By the way, he was of a different race which I need to explain. Anyway, I didn’t know these magazines belonged to him. As soon as I heard this, I profusely apologized and said it was all my fault. He did make a comment to another inmate about “Damn First-Termers” but he seemed somewhat okay with my apology.

Yes, it was completely my fault and I had no business touching anyone’s magazines. One of the first rules in prison is - if it is NOT yours, don’t touch it, a very basic rule which I had forgotten. I did know better and it was not the start I was looking for. However, during the movie, I had a brief discussion with this same inmate and I did make him laugh. I think this was a good recovery from Friday.

I am not sure if I laid out the rules for the races and if I have, please forgive me. Before I get to these rules, I must say my dormitory’s racial lines are extremely balanced. I believe this is done on purpose and in my opinion, it is a good thing. Back to the race rules which are also very simple. There are five races as defined by the prison system: Whites, Blacks, Mexican American, Paisa (sp?) (Mexicans for Mexico) and others (all the other races). The Whites get along with the Mexican Americans, Paisas, and some of the others. This means a white inmate can share food and other items with these races but no other races. This doesn’t mean the races don’t speak with one another (as I first thought when I went to the reception center, I was so confused) the races do interact and thankfully very well in the dorm. I did not make these rules, but I must abide by them or I will really be alone. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am all about not making any waves, doing my time, and getting back to my family in a safe manner. As long as I am mindful of these rules, I will be fine. I do know that if I see anything which is NOT mine, I will NOT touch it.

In the category of everything happens for a reason, I have found out that even though I have been assigned to a level 2 yard, it is apparently better than the level 1. I was speaking to a fellow dorm mate who has spent considerable time in both yards and he said level 2 is much better because everyone is older and has been here before. Whereas on the level 1 yard, there are many youngsters who are first termers who want to make a name for themselves and there are more fights there. Patience is the key and I have learned not to freak out about something I cannot control. Fortunately, I have learned something in this process which is no matter I will get through it and be a better person.

From my observations of this dorm and walking around the yard, it does appear everyone is older and more mature. One of the concerns I had was being with a group of young inmates which has not happened. Someone is watching out for me and I am forever grateful. I will be safe and will be strong throughout this entire process, no matter what challenges I may encounter.