Getting Noticed

Little things in an environment like this go along way. These little things may not seem like much to someone in the “Outside World” but they make my days even brighter. It all started last night as I entered the dining hall and requested my vegetarian meal. The relief CO was the same one last week on Thanksgiving who asked me about not eating turkey, asked me the same question last night but this time it was about chicken. I told him about the vegetarian meal and he said. “You don’t eat chicken?” My reply was no and he asked how long I had been a vegetarian. I said it was 10 years and his response was, “There is nothing wrong with that.” Now this simple statement by the CO may not seem like much in this context, but the manner in which it was said made a difference with me. He said this with absolutely no sarcasm or bias, he was very genuine in making that statement. It was almost as if he was impressed with the fact that I have been a vegetarian this long and am sticking to it. This means something to me because sometimes when dealing with certain CO’s, I forget I am a human being because I am treated like an inmate predominantly. However, with this simple statement, my faith was restored and I appreciated being noticed. As for the dinner, the chicken leg was replaced

with…you guessed it… two tubes of peanut butter – no I didn’t receive any extra mashed potatoes or vegetables because it seems that some days, I do receive extras and some days I don’t. Yesterday was one of those days I didn’t.

I took one more cold pill prior to going to sleep last night because my nose was running slightly. I did have a good night’s sleep for the second night in a row, but I still slept fully clothed with my sweats and socks on because I was still freezing. I normally sleep with a lot less on but lately it has been much too cold and maybe when I get released I will have to purchase some pajamas. I woke up this morning and my nose had stopped running and I was feeling much better. However, my poor – large – nose was very red and raw from all the nose blowing over the past two days. Yet, another unfortunate side effect about being sick here is the lack of Kleenex. In fact, there is no Kleenex available and the next best alternative is toilet paper. Of course, when I used the toilet paper I used the entire roll. The toilet paper is not exactly Quilted Northern or Charmin, it does resemble the very generic one-ply store brands. The problem with using the entire roll was that it was my only roll for the week. Yes, I only receive one roll of toilet paper per week. Fortunately our new roll is delivered on Thursday so my timing was very good. Otherwise, I would have had to borrow or buy a roll. Yes, some inmates hoard their toilet paper and sell a roll for one soup. Remember improvisation at its finest in a place like this!

Today I didn’t have the regular PFT class because according to the coach he had end of the month duties to attend to and class was cancelled. I really didn’t understand this because today is the first day of the month but I wasn’t going to question him. Apparently, there are reports which are due on this day so class could not be held. I didn’t have to concern myself with early breakfast and went to the regular breakfast which by the way was my favorite – pancakes topped with peanut butter ( I wonder what all this peanut butter is doing to my body) oatmeal and a banana. The pancakes fill me up and I am not starving the rest of the day. Yes, I did take the banana out again with no problems. In fact, I had two bananas which made for a very nice lunch. Again, I have resorted to “taking” fruit so I can enjoy it later on in the day. It does make a difference when I have a banana or apple at lunch because it helps to curb my hunger.

I almost forgot I must back up for a minute. After dinner last night our tier had evening yard. I hardly ever go out during the evening but I wanted to sign up for a telephone call so I could call my mom on Saturday. I ventured outside into the 36 degree chill. While I was waiting for the telephone sign up, I was speaking to a few inmates who I have come to know over the past month and as it so happens some of them are in the current PFT class. Two of the inmates came up to me and were asking me questions. I answered them the best that I could to give them some encouraging words. I could tell they were doubting themselves and I tried to keep them very positive. One of them was with another inmate who was in the previous PFT class and he too was offering words of encouragement. He also said some very nice things about me and how the other inmate should listen because I helped him in the last class. I don’t want this entry to sound like I am tooting my own horn but it does make me feel good knowing my positive attitude is being noticed. I was somewhat able to sign up for a phone call for Saturday night but the time of 7:15 pm is very questionable because most times the yard does not open until 7:30 pm.

Sorry for the brief back pedal – but back to today. After breakfast, I had the Friday morning – also the afternoon – PFT class which is the toughest and most physically demanding class of the week. In addition, we do need more instructors because three are leaving after this class and four people were testing in the morning class. Thankfully, I was feeling much better because I would need all my energy to get through the class. There are three rotations in the class and I was assigned to rotation number two. The key to this class is keeping the continuity as fast as possible between the exercises. This does not mean doing the exercises themselves as fast as possible – as I am prone to do – it means not having much downtime in between the different exercises. An instructor who has been doing this three weeks longer than me did the first rotation and during this I noticed his transitions were slow. I made a mental note to myself to ensure that these transitions were quicker. I went through my rotation and I thought my exercises were performed at the proper pace and the transitions were fast. The third and fourth rotations were performed by an instructor who has been doing this five weeks longer than me. Again it seemed that his rotations were also slow.

We finished all the rotations and out of the four inmates who tested, only two remained – the other two gave up during my rotation – and one of those two did pass (more on him later). After the class was over, the lead instructor – the one who is leaving in two weeks – was giving us some constructive criticism. This lead instructor is very detailed oriented and unbeknownst to all of us was timing these transitions of each of the three instructors. His first comment had to do with the transition times. He started saying that when he leads the class, his transition times between exercises are between 5 and 7 seconds. Then he went on to say the two instructors – the ones who had the first and third rotations – had transition times between 12 and 18 seconds. Then he pointed to me, my transfer times were between 6 and 9 seconds which according to him was “not bad”. Again I was being noticed in a positive manner and hopefully all this praise won’t go straight to my head! I do know I am getting more and more comfortable leading the class and any suggestions or comments I have been given, I try my best to implement them.

The inmate who passed the Instructor test this morning was also in the previous PFT class and I recognized him. In fact, I didn’t believe he liked my positive attitude because it seemed during the PFT class he was looking at me sort of funny. Well, I was completely wrong! I went over to him and congratulated him on passing the test and we talked for a while. I told him he was really going to like the job because it is truly a great deal of fun. Then he said, “Yes, I understand and it is something I want to do.” He went on to compliment me on my positive attitude and how I carry myself. He said, “I really like the fact that you are out here everyday with a big smile and encouraging everyone.” I thanked him and told him how it means a great deal to me that he said this.

I guess my positive attitude is being noticed, but as for the “big smile” I don’t know about that part but I certainly try to refrain from frowning. It’s good to hear positive feedback and it’s good to know people are noticing that. This is not why I do it. I do this because it is the right thing to do and it helps me so much get through each day that much easier. I have a time commitment to fulfill with the CDC for the next 19 ½ months and I want to make this time as productive and positive as I can. I am off to a very good start and faced with the alternate of hating my time here and cursing each day as it goes by, I believe I have made the proper decision by staying positive. I can’t fool myself in thinking I can change anyone’s life for the better. Each day that goes by, I do feel good about myself despite that fact that I am 3000 miles away from the three people I love dearly in this world – my wife, daughter, and son. Life will exist outside of this environment in a short period of time and I intend to carry this positive attitude wherever I go because it truly works.