My Dear Wife Happy Birthday

The most important person in my life is celebrating a milestone birthday today – my dear wife. We are not physically together due to my horrible actions as I sit in a California Prison some 3000 miles away from my wife. She is an incredible person and she has endured so much as a result of my actions yet she has been with me every step of the way. Her support and love never wavered. I have not seen her in over five months and we will be physically separated for at least the next year. Of course, I should be right by her side celebrating her birthday today but I am not. I can say, “I am sorry” until I am blue in the face which I certainly am. However, my actions are what counts, not words.
Thankfully, I have been in recovery for 22 months which is why my wife has been by my side. Without my recovery I know I would be alone without anything. Now that I am in recovery the world is a better place and I am truly blessed because of my wife. She is out there in the “real world” taking great care of our children and providing them with magnificent love and support. She is a great wife, mother, and friend. I love her so much and miss her so much. I hope she had a wonderful birthday and I look forward to spending many more with her both physically and spiritually. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I was feeling so very good after my visit yesterday. The entire weekend was very different because I did not exercise on either day. I think these old bones needed these two days off and I would gladly trade a day of exercising for receiving a visit anytime!
I walked back to my dorm with a huge smile on my face. A few of my dorm mates had asked me about my visit and I told them it went great. It was interesting because when I told them a friend came and visited me, I also used the word “she” a few times as I recounted the visit. Some of them didn’t quite understand how I could have a friend of the opposite sex without it being a girlfriend. One of my dorm mates asked if my wife knew about my friend who visited. I said, “Of course and she was very happy about my friend coming to visit.” The dorm mate looked at me sort of strangely after I said this. I was going to tell him about how this friend is part of recovery, but I thought better of it based on his non-understanding of having a friend of the opposite sex.

I do realize how special my life has become to be surrounded by so many wonderful people and it is ashamed many of my other inmate friends don’t experience this. This is a by-product and a huge benefit of my recovery. I am so grateful to experience this love, friendship, and incredible support on a daily basis. I do know I will make it through this unfortunate situation a very fortunate person because I have already become one.

After returning to the dorm from the visit, I wrote and continued reading my book. Then it was time for dinner where the main entrée was turkey ham with black-eyed peas, yams, salad, and an icee for dessert. I was focusing on the peas because I do like them. I made my way to the front of the line where the very nice CO greeted me. She told me I would get extra yams and no black eyed peas because they contain meat by products. This was news to me and I asked her when they started putting meat in the black-eyed peas. She told me, “Tonight is the first night because the kitchen staff wanted them to taste better.” I then told her I liked them the way they were to which she laughed. I thought to myself– great, one more item I can’t eat. I took the tray filled with yams – even though I am not crazy about them, but I really had no choice because the only other items on my tray were salad and icee. I could only manage to eat a few yams before I tired of them. I gave away my icee and ate the salad. I was done very quickly with this meal and needless to say I was less than satisfied. I almost forgot I was also given the standard two tubes of peanut butter. When I got back to the dorm I made myself a peanut butter and jam sandwich because I only have two hot dinner meals remaining in my locker. These are both pasta with vegetables which are heat n serve. Based on the weekly menu which is posted Sunday night for the following week, I am going to need these meals later on in the week so I opted for the PB & J sandwich.

It was a very mellow evening and after eating the sandwich, I was going to watch the Sunday night football game in the television area with many of my dorm mates. However, one of the teams playing was the San Diego Chargers and there are many Charger fans in the dorm. I have watched games with my dorm mate Charger fans before and it seems as the season progresses they get louder with their cheers. At first, I did like how they were rooting for their teams but last night it seemed to go overboard. In the past games, it was easy to decipher when the Chargers made a touchdown because the cheering was very raucous. Last night it was hard to tell a touchdown from a decent play made by the Chargers because the rooting / cheering was equally as loud. I decided to stay on my bunk and read. I am almost finished with HOUR GAME by Daniel Baldacci and the last half is moving very quickly. Yes, it is a good book. As in the case most nights I turned in at 10:00 pm because my work week was starting today. Prior to my turning in I received a ducat informing me of an appointment today with the medical department. This is what I have been waiting for since last month. This is the follow-up visit with the doctor from November 2nd who was very nice to me. Thankfully, I did follow up with this myself by putting in a request last week. I hate to think what would have happened if I didn’t. I do know there are many things I cannot change in a place like this, but I must ensure all avenues are exhausted before accepting this. I had a few options remaining and thankfully the appointment was finally scheduled. Also the time seemed to work out well – at 10:30 am right in between the PFT Plus Class and Day One of the new PFT class. I was very excited to see the doctor.

The morning was a very typical work morning. The PFT Plus class went off very well and it felt good to bet back to working out. About ten minutes after the class started, the lead instructor arrived and seemed very pleased to see the class had already started. He said he was pleased that class was started before he arrived because it showed good initiative. After he said this my fellow instructors all looked at me and one of them patted me on my back. It really wasn’t a big issue because I was doing what comes natural and it seemed like common sense to begin the class. It was nice to be appreciated by my fellow instructors and a good way to start the week.

Now it was time to make my way over to the medical area for my appointment. This meant I had to change from my PFT clothes to my “blues”. I tried to get there early for 10:00 am but was denied access through the gates by a CO because I was too early and was told to come back 30 minutes later. At that time I was permitted to enter the medical area. I was right on time for my appointment. The waiting room was filled to capacity. I was hoping they were not all here to see the same doctor as me. About 45 minutes of waiting, I regretted not bringing my book because I could have finished it already. After 50 minutes, the nurse called my name – actually a near facsimile of my name – and I went to the nurse’s area. I was told to get on the scale and weigh myself. Well, it looks like the peanut butter and bean diet is holding because I actually gained a pound in six weeks. I weighed 149 pounds fully clothed with six pound work boots on. The last time I weighed 148 with almost the same clothing. My blood pressure is 106 over 68 with a pulse rate of 58 beats per minute (I must have been stressed after waiting 50 minutes) and my oxygen level is 100%. The nurse asked why I was here and I told her it was a follow up appointment to receive clearance for fire camp. The nurse said I seem very healthy and the doctor should see me shortly.

At noon the doctor called me and thank goodness it was the same doctor that I saw back in November. He quickly examined me with his stethoscope. He also asked me to pick up my pant legs and he examined my legs. After the brief check up he opened my medical file and began writing. The first thing he wrote down was “CLEARED FOR FIRE CAMP AND NO FURTHER TESTS REQUIRED.” I watched as he wrote these words and couldn’t believe my eyes. He wrote this several times through my file and as he continued to write I could feel myself becoming happier by the second. I didn’t think I would receive this medical clearance today. I was just hoping to receive the additional test in a more expeditious manner. This was a pleasant shock. After the doctor was finished writing I was almost afraid to speak with him because I didn’t want anything to spoil the moment. I just walked to medical clearance so I could get out of there. I did muster up the courage to bring up a totally unrelated point to my medical clearance. I asked him about the protein supplements not for myself but for two of my fellow instructors. They were given protein supplements but were taken away a few weeks ago. I asked the good doctor if he was aware that these supplements were taken away. He was not and became very concerned as to why this happened.

He went into a brief discussion about how the process to receiving protein supplements goes through various channels before being dispensed to the inmate. However, he was visibly upset why someone other than him would halt the supplements. He said he would look into it and asked me if I would like these supplements as well. I jumped at the chance and said, “Yes” because not only are these supplements full of protein but they are also full of vitamins and minerals. He asked how many cans per day I would like. I asked how many calories these cans contain before giving my answer. He said he thought it is 700 calories and when I heard this I said one can per day would be fine. As it turns out one can contains 250 calories according to the lead instructor who was taking them. If that is the case I hope the doctor adjusts my prescription accordingly. I won’t know until tomorrow when I receive my first dosage.

We finally wrapped up the discussion on the protein supplements and got back to my medical clearance. The doctor made it official as he dictated a note into his Dictaphone so he could officially write my fire camp clearance notification. Our meeting had ended and needless to say I was elated as I walked out of his office. I wished him a very Happy Holiday Season as I departed his office. He thanked me when he heard this but it was me who could not thank him enough for doing what he did today. This was very unexpected and now expedites the process for going to fire camp. Assuming all the necessary paperwork is filed in a timely manner conceivably I could be in one of two PFT classes held in January as a student instructor. Now my next item of concern is receiving the letter from the county clearing up my charges report in order for me to move to the next stop after PFT which is FFT – Fire Fighting Training. Hopefully, I will hear something from my counselor very soon if not I will make an appointment to see him on Thursday. Today was truly an outstanding day – not only did I receive some surprising news – my lovely wife celebrated her birthday. Every thing continues to get better everyday and I am so grateful.