Same Scenario Different Result

Yesterday afternoon there was still a PFT Plus class to administer. We had our full complement of instructors so I didn’t have a chance to do a rotation. I did participate in the class and the Monday class is relatively easy. The class does get the heart rate elevated for about 20 minutes but it is no where near as difficult as the Friday class. I do have a difficult time breaking a sweat during this class. Some instructors are like me and don’t break a sweat but there are others who seem to sweat much more. The students (please keep in mind the PFT Plus classes are all volunteer – an interesting aside – the “Coach” was telling all the instructors last week that when he first started having the PFT Plus class his (the “Coach”) superiors told him if he got more than 8 inmates to volunteer for this class it would be a miracle; today we had 30 and some classes have had 50 inmates attend – I guess miracles do happen!) normally sweat profusely no matter the day of the class but this is a good thing because it means they are trying. Some of the inmates take this class in order to get ready for the PFT regular class and there are others who take the class just to get or stay in shape. Whatever the reason it is nice to see inmates taking advantage of a program.

I am going to take a time out and offer my opinion regarding the lack of programs in this prison. Judging by the talks the instructors have had with the “Coach” there seems to be a great deal of cynicism at the level of the Administrators in the prison system. Case in point could be found in the previous paragraph where an Administrator told the “coach” he was certainly providing a “miracle” by having more than 8 inmates attend a volunteer physical fitness class. Again this is my two cents and I am sure it is with a lot less; anyway I have heard the comment made by several C/O’s “how can you rehabilitate an inmate if they don’t want to be rehabilitated so why should we -prison system - try?” It is next to impossible to rehabilitate someone who doesn’t want it but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be Programs for those who do. I believe the vast majority of inmates do want a rehabilitation program and very few who don’t. It seems to me the dissenting inmates yield a great deal of power when it comes to the limitation of things in prison. A good example of this is the fruit which is no longer available with our lunches. My guess is there are a handful of inmates who would actually make “pruno” with the fruit while the majority would eat the fruit yet the fruit had been taken away. I do understand the lack of progress because of the overcrowding and the need to shift resources accordingly. However; there maybe some simple inexpensive solutions to this problem such as having outside volunteers in the field of addiction counseling come into the prison on a regular basis. These could be students in need of hours for their specialty and maybe they can be found at a nearby college or university. Well maybe someday this will happen and I will now go back to minding my own business.

The great part (there are many great parts in fact it is all great) of my job is usually I am finished with everything by 1:30 in the afternoon. This gives me the entire afternoon to do my own exercises or anything else I would like to do. Well realistically there isn’t anything else I would like to do but in the yard other than working out. So I have he entire afternoon to continue my Program. Yesterday, I did the Harvard Wall for only an hour because I wanted to make the 2:45 pm unlock because after that I would have to wait until 4:00 pm for the unlock. I purposely went much faster on the Harvard Wall and had no problem breaking a sweat. In fact my shirt and shorts were drenched with sweat and it felt very good. Other inmates do join me on the Harvard Wall but they invariably fall out after only a few minutes but during that short period of time I try my best to encourage them to do their best. I made my way back to the dorm for the 2:45 pm unlock and due to my work status I had priority on the shower. I had to let two of my dorm mates use the shower before me because I had to wash my shorts and shirt prior to showering along with having to shave. I finally shaved with a decent razor which was in my package. I have been shaving with a single (at least that is what the razor said) edge disposable razor and in my package was a Gillette Sensor 3 disposable (we are only allowed disposable razors) with a lubricated edge. What a difference this razor made even though I still have no shaving cream but the very simple act of shaving was made more enjoyable with this razor. I no longer felt like I was ripping the hairs out of my face, I was actually shaving not pulling the hairs out.

I did not intend to go to dinner last night because the main course was chili conquistador with spinach, bread and Jell-O. I thought I should just stay back in the dorm and make some rice with my new Cajun seasoning. However, one of my dorm mates who goes to early dinner came back and reported the cornbread was delicious. I thought to myself “cornbread?” There was no cornbread on the menu but my dorm mate always reports accurately about the dinner. I try not to miss cornbread because it is one of my favorites. I decided to go and at the very least I would still be able to make something if the dinner was not filling enough when I get back to the dorm. I got to the front of the line and noticed that the regular C/O was not there nor was her normal relief. It was someone who I had never seen before and I was ready to show my slip because I did not want a repeat performance of the lunch episode from the morning. As I got to the window I very politely turned to the female C/O and requested the vegetarian meal. She did not blink and eye and called into the kitchen for the vegetarian tray. I was very impressed with her manners (apparently she was trained differently from the C/O at breakfast). I received the tray with extra spinach and two pieces of cornbread instead of the usual one and the standard two tubes of peanut butter. As I was handed the tray from the kitchen workers the very nice C/O said to the kitchen, “Is that all he gets?” She seemed to be shocked that there wasn’t enough food on my tray. The kitchen workers answered, “Yes, this is what the supervisor told me to put on the tray.” The C/O just shook her head with incredulity. I took the tray and said thank you and went to find a seat. It is amazing how the C/O’s can be so very different in basically the same scenario. In the morning I was basically kicked out of the dining hall with no lunch because the C/O needed to see my slip. While in the evening of the same day a C/O was asking how come I didn’t get more food with my vegetarian tray without seeing my slip. Oh! The inconsistencies of prison life, it sure makes for an interesting day.

I ate everything with the exception of the two tubes of peanut butter at dinner and I was still hungry. I decided to make a soup (I now have two left) with some fresh carrots along with some tortilla chips. I do have some food from my package and it resides inside my locker which is two feet away from where I sit on my bunk. I know I should conserve all the food/snacks I have because there really isn’t that much and replacements aren’t exactly right down the street at the local supermarket. However; my taste buds seem to go into over drive when I eat this “outside” food and I seem to eat more than I normally should. The close proximity is really not a good thing. Unfortunately, I can’t just lock it in the kitchen downstairs and I have to live with it being just an arms length away. Like I have mentioned in the past I do eat to live but the lack of certain foods changes this to living to eat in certain instances especially when I am starving.

Last night was my lone television night and as I was sitting in the television area one of my dorm mates commented, “It must be Monday because Paul is watching television.” Yes, it certainly appears that the only time I venture into the television area is on Monday evenings to watch “Heroes”. I was somewhat concerned because prior to “Heroes” coming on some (actually many) of my dorm mates were watching a Music Awards show. For some reason these awards shows take priority over anything else on television that particular night. However, I was assured that the Music Awards Show would only be shown for an hour prior to “Heroes”. This was indeed the case and I got to watch the one television show of the week. I was sort of disappointed because last night’s “Heroes” was the last one of this calendar year and a new episode airs on January 22nd. What will I do with my Monday evenings for the next 7 weeks? I guess the same thing I do with the other 6 evenings of the week. I do have something to look forward to in the upcoming weeks. If anyone cares this last episode was very good and opened up many different scenarios. It will be interesting to see how the rest of the season plays out. When the show was over (10:00 pm) it was time for bed and I was asleep in no time after laying down on my bunk. I certainly like this fact and like someone (was it Ben Franklin) once said, “Early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” Well one out of three is not bad.

This morning it was the identical program as yesterday by waking up around 5:00 am and getting ready for my day. Tuesdays are laundry day and I had to strip my bunk and place my sheets and pillow case on the floor in front of my bunk prior to my departure, in order to receive new sheets and a pillow case later in the day. Also, I had to take my laundry bag to the laundry drop off in order to have my whites properly cleaned. Unfortunately, this only happens once a week and it would be nice to have access to a washer and dryer on a daily basis. I was speaking with one of my dorm mates who spent 7 years at another prison in southern California before being transferred here a month ago. He told me at that prison he did have access to a washer and dryer on a daily basis. He was very surprised to see that this particular prison does not have a washing machine and dryer for the inmates. Having these appliances certainly would make it more sanitary to wash clothes in rather than using the bathroom sinks. I made the unlock this morning because I was sitting right by the door with all my things ready to go when the C/O came by. I did in fact drop off my whites in the laundry drop off on my way to breakfast. (Hopefully I will get these back because two weeks ago my laundry was completely lost.)

I ate breakfast in the other dining hall again and I sat with my dorm mates who are in the PFT class. The breakfast contained sausage links but I did not want to go through the hassle of invoking my vegetarian special meal to yet another C/O so I decided to take the regular tray. I gave away the sausage links and in return I received more oatmeal so it did work out fine. Also breakfast contained the pancakes but they are rather difficult to enjoy knowing I am going to start working out right after eating them. The pancakes are just too heavy and need time to digest; however, the class starts 10 minutes after breakfast no matter what. I did eat the pancakes (for the calories) but I chewed them very slowly. On the way out of breakfast I was “armed” with my vegetarian slip from the doctor so I could display it for the C/O who gave me such a hard time yesterday. I didn’t want any issues when I received my peanut butter and jam lunch. Well, I presented the slip to him along with my identification card (wanted to cover all my bases) as I asked for the vegetarian lunch. The C/O glanced at the slip and paused (I think for dramatic effect) for a moment. After the pause he said, “I can’t believe you don’t eat meat.” My response was “Yes, I don’t eat meat as the slip states may I please have my lunch.” The C/O replied “God put us on this earth to kill animals so we can eat them.” After saying this he somewhat begrudgingly gave me the vegetarian lunch. When he gave it to me I couldn’t bring myself to say thank you but I reached down as far as I could and did come up with a half-hearted “thank you.” Also after hearing his last statement I responded as I walked out of the dining hall with the lunch, “I do respect your opinion and I was hoping you would respect mine on this particular issue.” I don’t know if he responded because I continued walking not wanting to hear his response.

Reading those statements in this context, one can make the judgment that the C/O was being sarcastic or joking. In my opinion he was dead serious because not only did his words express disdain or someone who does not eat meat but his body language reflected it as well. I did not want to engage in any discussion whatsoever with this C/O but I did feel the need to say something. Maybe I should have not said anything but “thank you” and went on my merry way. For some reason, most likely the way he said those statements I couldn’t let it be. I said what I needed and moved on. Again this C/O had the potential to ruin my entire day due to his extremely narrow views but I would not let it eat at me to give him the satisfaction. I did let it go and immediately started to concentrate on the PFT class. It looks like I may have to deal with this C/O the entire week and I wonder what other insightful comments he may have as I continue to receive my vegetarian lunch. Whatever they are I will continue to not let it bother me because once again this entire situation for me being in here is temporary and the C/O will be here much longer than me so his situation is somewhat permanent as is his ideals which is very unfortunate for him.

Once again the PFT class did get an early start and things are much more organized than they have been. All the instructors know their assignments and everything ran very smoothly. Once again I took the back pace and did enjoy it most of the time. The lead instructor who has finally taken over for the other lead instructor is a good guy and we do get along. However, he has a difficult time listening. He is good at giving directions but when it comes to feedback (to him) he seems to tune it out or develops a very definitive attitude. During the walk the front pacer was about 15 seconds ahead of the pace. Instead of telling the front pacer the lead instructor tells me. Unfortunately there is not a great deal I can do with this information because my responsibility being the back pacer is to stay 8 seconds behind whatever the pace of the front pacer which I was doing. (By the way it is not exactly as easy as it may sound.) When the lead instructor told me this I had a perplexed look on my face and really didn’t know what he wanted me to do with this information. I tried as best as professional as I could to ask him a question but he didn’t want to hear it. Basically I told him he should mention it to the side pacers who were near the front so they could inform the front pacer. But the lead instructor did sort of blow me off and finally did inform the front pacer too slow down. After this conversation I felt confused and my face may have shown it but I did continue on.

After all the walks and runs along with the exercises complete the class was doing their cool down. I went over to the “coach” and asked him about the charts for the class. (Somehow I have become the instructor who does the “paperwork”, go figure!) the charts weren’t prepared because the PFT clerk was fired (this is a long story and I only know it third hand so I will not mention much about it, however; I will say the “coach” seems to be on an island which is shrinking fast) and the charts weren’t prepared. After this exchange “coach” asked me how I was doing physically with the job. He was concerned that I may have problems with my leg even though I am a runner because power walking uses different leg muscles. I did tell him when I first started my legs mostly my feet were sore but everything is fine now. The “Coach” did mention he thought there was some stress registering on my face as I was doing the power walk, he thought this stressed look was me having problems with my legs. When he mentioned this I instantly knew what look he was referring to (the incident with the lead instructor) but I didn’t want to mention any specifics because it really wasn’t an issue. I told the “Coach” sometimes my face goes into a concentration zone where I try to block out my surroundings and focus on the task (this is true especially when I am running because I go into a state or zone and sometimes I look carefree and other times I look stressed.) I did reassure the “Coach” I am physically fine and he appeared to believe me. I guess I need to work on my carefree face much more or the “Coach” will think I am full of it. I must say again it was a pleasure that the “Coach” did notice me and showed genuine concern. This really does not happen in a place like this because it seems most people have their own agendas which include no one but themselves.

The class concluded and I spent an hour speaking with the other lead instructor. He also asked me how I was doing physically (he talks regularly with the “Coach”) and I explained my “zone face” which he completely understood. In fact he went into a long discussion regarding his “zone face”. Then one topic lead to another and an hour had disappeared while we were talking. I must say he did most of the talking but I was happy to listen. I am still not clear on why he is in prison because he is one of those inmates who most certainly don’t fit into the majority of the prison demographic. Whatever the case in a short few weeks his sentence of spending more than 4 years in prison will come to an end and he will be released. I do wish him well and very much doubt he will be part of the 70 plus percent who do return to California prison.