The One Meal

When I came back early from the yard, I was debating whether or not I should have my daily peanut butter and jam sandwich because last night at dinner was the one meal I could eat without modification. Yes, it was time once again for the pizza and pasta in a marinara sauce dinner. The pizza is listed as vegetarian pizza on the menu which I guess separates it from non-vegetarian pizza? As I was debating whether or not to save my hunger for dinner, I just couldn’t. Once again I was too hungry to wait so I decided to make a PB & J sandwich knowing full well I would still be hungry for dinner because lately I am always hungry. I’m beginning to wonder if I have a tapeworm inside my stomach! Eating to live seems to reach a new level each day. Not only did I have the PB & J sandwich I ate another granola bar and had some baked potato chips. Two hours later, one hour before dinner, I was hungry once again. Incidentally, I asked a couple of the other instructors about my hunger issue and each of them reported the same condition. It seems none of us can get enough to eat. A few weeks ago, the Medical Staff discontinued the protein supplements for the instructors who were receiving this. One protein supplement is the equivalent of 500 calories and the instructors receiving this were taking two per day and not gaining any weight. I don’t know the reason why these supplements were stopped and I was hoping to see the doctor soon so I could start my own supplement. In the next week or two I should be able to see the doctor and hopefully I will get some clarification of my own protein supplement. In the meantime I will most likely continue to be hungry.

It was time for my favorite dinner. I didn’t have to request my vegetarian meal and went straight to the window to receive a regular tray. Much to my surprise, included with the pizza and pasta marinara was black-eyed peas – probably left over from last night’s supper. These were all my favorites on one tray! Of course, being my favorite in here is far from being my favorite in the outside world – thus it is all relative. The slice of pizza was oversized and had no taste. The pasta in the marinara sauce was overcooked but it did have small slices of green peppers and tasted fairly decent. The black-eyed peas were the same as the other night and I was able to receive two extra helpings from my dorm mates sitting at the table. I did have to trade away the strawberry cake to receive one of the extra helpings but I wasn’t going to eat the cake anyway. I ate everything on my tray and I was still hungry! Now I am beginning to think this hunger issue maybe mental if it were not for the hunger pains. I did snack on some tortilla chips when I got back from the dorm.

While I was snacking on the tortilla chips, I finished CAT AND MOUSE by James Patterson. I may have reached a saturation point with Patterson because this novel had such promise at the halfway mark but fizzled out at the end. This novel like all his others I have read moved very fast. It may have moved too fast because there were points I needed further explanation but did not receive it. All in all I was somewhat disappointed with this book. I have one more Patterson novel which I will read but after that one I will give him a rest. I need to expand my literary horizons and will try after I finish the next novel.

This morning – Friday – marked the end of my workweek. I woke up at 5:00 am and decided to get out of my bunk at this time. I was finished sleeping and wanted to watch the morning news until it was time to depart for the early breakfast. My decision to wake up was predicated on watching a different network news from the five o’clock hour to six. This really sounds sad but it was my reason for getting up early. I watched the news and was unimpressed even though it was a major network –NBC – as opposed to the newscast which comes on at 6:00 am. I think being raised in the NYC area has spoiled me when it comes to local news broadcasts. Also spending considerable time in the Washington DC and Los Angeles areas had also spoiled me. Even when I spent 8 years in Las Vegas, their news broadcast seemed very non-professional and low budget. This is exactly how the Sacramento news broadcast appear to be – second rate – where big news is a cat caught in a tree – no, this is not a joke – Nevertheless the 6:00 am broadcast at the CW Network was much better than the 5:00 am NBC broadcast and I didn’t gain anything by waking up at an earlier time. Thankfully, the early breakfast unlock came and I proceeded to the dining hall. Once again it was the regular dining hall and it appears those two days earlier this week were the exception where I attended the other dining hall.

The breakfast this morning consisted of a fruit Danish, oatmeal, a peanut butter packet, banana, apple juice, and non-fat milk. I quickly gave away the Danish for some oatmeal. Once again I sat with my dorm mates who are in the PFT class and all of them are aware of my peculiar eating habits. One of them is always asking me questions as to why I don’t eat certain things. This morning he asked me why I wouldn’t eat the Danish and I talked about the high sugar content. He listened but as he listened he happily took my Danish. Once again I am very perplexed as to why we receive items like the Danish, coffee cake, and cinnamon rolls for breakfast – although the cinnamon rolls are made of whole grains so it isn’t that bad. Sure I am perplexed but in the grand scheme of my life what does it really matter. I am still able to eat somewhat healthy concentrating on the hot cereals and fruit. As long as I receive the cereals and fruit I will be fine. Yes, I will continue to be hungry but I need to learn how to deal with this better, otherwise I will go crazy thinking about hungry I am. As long as I can maintain my strength and endurance I will be fine and as long as I don’t get sick. I am getting enough food even though I am hungry all the time. Somewhere along the line I will be able to purchase filler foods such as rice and beans, and everything will be okay so if a good wind does come along I won’t blow away!

The drill was the same as it has been all week with the PFT class starting early. I had my concerns about the class starting early because I had a 10:45 am telephone call scheduled. I was half expecting something to go wrong so I would be prevented from making the it. Everything was going along smoothly with the class. I am feeling very comfortable with my role and I do enjoy what I am doing. Once again I had the back pace and I think I enjoy this better than the front pace because I have more interaction with the students. If they fall behind me they know they could possibly pass the test so I am always encouraging them to speed up. There is one student in particular who has been at the back of the pace near me all week. He is in his mid 50’s and is really trying hard. Invariably, he will start in the middle of the pack and fall to the back near me. I will tell him he needs to speed up and does but a few seconds later he starts falling back once again. The pattern goes on for all 12 laps. Unfortunately, for him today he did fall behind me only to speed up but to fall behind again. He was telling me about pains in his lower legs and all I could do was encourage him. The good thing about the coach is he is aware of all the students in the class. He knows who is really trying and who is not. I do know he knows this particular inmate is really trying. I’m not sure if this student will pass the physical examination but he will certainly try his best. I’m not sure if I mentioned this and if I have please forgive my senility. On Tuesday we had a student pass out during the PFT class and had to be removed in a wheel chair. The student arrived with me from the reception center over a month ago. We are the same age. During the power walk, he felt his left arm go numb and decided to sit down on the bench. While he was talking to the coach, he blacked out and was escorted to medical in the wheelchair. It was serious enough for him to be transferred to a local hospital for the last two days. I am happy to report those tests came back negative and he is back here. Obviously, he is no longer part of the PFT class. The fascinating part is presumably this inmate had as EKG just like I did, but apparently he was cleared on his, while I need further tests. Maybe all candidates who are over 40 should not only undergo an EKG but also a stress test. This may eliminate events like this taking place. By the way, I am still awaiting my stress test and echo results in order to receive my fire camp clearance. Yet I continue to feel very good and log many miles.

Just like yesterday, I was pulled out of the regular PFT class to do the PFT Plus class. This being Friday means it is the most difficult class of the week. Also, we had three people testing for an instructor position. Due to this fact we had three different instructors do the three rotations. I had the third which is the final rotation. This rotation has the most exercises in it and usually makes or breaks the person taking the test. The coach didn’t want the three instructors to do any of the rotations other than the one we were assigned. He wanted everyone as fresh as possible to ensure the test was as tough as possible. Normally, I would want to do all three rotations as a test for myself but I understand the coach’s philosophy. I waited until the third rotation so I was indeed fresh. I had an exceptionally good rotation with very minimal downtime and also my form on the exercises was very good. At the end of my rotation, the lead instructor – the one who is departing – came over to me with a big smile on his face and told me he really liked how I performed the rotation. It certainly has been a good week with a great deal of good feedback.

Once the class ended, the coach had our post-class meeting with the instructors. He does like to talk and I had a watchful eye on the clock so I could make my 10:45 am telephone call. The coach talked about the intrinsic rewards of both his and our positions. He said, “I can draw a salary anywhere but when I make a difference in a person’s (inmate’s) life it is all worth it.” He was talking about how happy most of the inmates are when they pass his PFT class. He noticed wholesale changes in inmates when they started the PFT class to when they finished. He has seen the looks of joy on the inmates faces as they receive their certificate of completion. He also spoke of how so many instructors have offered that little word of encouragement which pushed the student that much further in the class. He is correct because in my very brief time associated with this program I have noticed these things as well. I have also been stopped by fellow inmates who ask me questions about exercise and the PFT class. I had one inmate who I have never seen before stop me and we talked about the class and running. He went on to tell me I was an “inspiration” to him because we are both the same age and he sees me out on the yard running and exercising everyday. As I mentioned this inmate was a perfect stranger to me and is of a different race. Of course hearing I was an “inspiration” made me feel good but the best part was when he said this I could feel some of those archaic prison / inmate rules crumbling right before my very own eyes. Everything does happen for a reason and I am finally realizing what God’s plan is for me. Sure I do miss my family and I am certainly not where I thought I would be at this stage in my life, but I do know as long as I work my recovery to the best of my ability, I will be with my family and in exactly the right place.