Facilitator Class

Once the afternoon yard opened yesterday I couldn’t wait to get outside and workout. All morning I wrote and started a new novel POISONED ROSE by D. Daniel Judson. This is one of the books my mother had sent me and so far it is interesting. I am not quite sure where it is going which is a good thing. It is a shorter book of 308 pages and I should finish it in a few days. When I write on the weekends or like yesterday – which was an official day off for me – I tend to write even more. I guess the extra time provided me license to write about more boring events! I am not sure if any of this stuff that I write is interesting, but it provides me with a great release and without it I would be struggling.

When the yard opened in the afternoon I had my workout all planned. Incidentally the CO did not mention anything to me when I saw him for the afternoon unlock regarding the vegetarian card request that I made earlier. I was going to run 10 laps (3.3 miles) and only time myself on the last 6 laps (2 miles). After that I was going to do the Super PFT Plus sets which are 3 sets of 50 burpees, 50 push ups, 50 crunches, 25 jumping jacks and 100 mountain climbers. Once I finished that I was going to do an hour and 10 minutes on the Harvard Wall. Finally after all those exercises were complete I was going to attempt to hang on the high bar for 60 seconds. Of course these were my plans and are always subject to change. Unbelievably there weren’t any changes to my plans. As I was walking toward to the basketball court where I do some quick stretches prior to running I met the student who I was supposed to help yesterday. Once again he asked for my assistance which I wasn’t exactly willing to give because it was my day for exercising and I had plans. However, I did tell him I would help and at that point it was the best time. Apparently he was too engaged in a conversation to break free and told me he would meet up with me later. This was just as well because I was not going to wait around for him because after all he asked for my assistance.

I made my way over to the basketball court where I saw one of my fellow instructors who was doing an exercise routine. He asked me if I were going to run and I said yes, very soon. He told me he would catch me in the middle of my run and do 3 laps with me. This instructor is a good guy and normally I prefer to run alone but I welcomed his company. True to his word he met u with me as I finished 4 laps and ran the next 3 with me. We had some small talk over the first lap but I could tell he wanted the run to end and was having a hard time maintaining a conversation while running. The pace was a little quicker which was good for me and I seem to do much better when I run with someone as opposed to running alone. I needed a quicker pace and some competition. We finished that mile in a brisk (for me at least) 7 minutes and 20 seconds. The fellow instructor quickly pulled off to the side and told me to have fun with the rest of the run. I did have fun with the last mile which I completed in 7 minutes and 3 seconds which was my fastest mile here to date. This small 3.3 mile run felt great and not it was on to the calisthenics. As I was going through these exercises I try to rest very little and the key is to maintain the high heart rate. Also, do to the fact I ran the 3.3 miles prior and the nature of the calisthenics I was getting a great sweat. I also try to stay focused over the course of these exercises which means I try to block out everything. As I embarked on the second rotation I could feel a set of eyes on me. I did my best to ignore them but as I paused for a very brief rest during the push ups an inmate who I have never seen started talking to me. I don’t know if I have a sign on my back which states “If you see me exercising and sweating profusively feel free to start a conversation.” His seems to happen very often and this inmate appeared amazed at how hard I was working out. He asked me if I was going to fire camp (in between push ups). My response was “Yes” then he said, “Is this why you are working out so hard” (as he said this I could tell he was wondering if he would have to work out this hard in order to get to fire camp). I told him, “No, I am an instructor and like to stay in shape”. This seemed to put his mind at ease as he replied “Oh, good”. He then went on his way because I never stopped exercising during his conversation.

A few short minutes later the student who was seeking my assistance earlier showed up as I was doing mountain climbers. In the PFT class the students do sets of 10 repetitions for mountain climbers, I do sets of 50 repetitions. As I finished my first set of 50 (I do 2 sets each rotation) the student said he would do some mountain climbers with me. I am not sure if he did any repetitions because when I finished the second set he seemed amazed at the duration of this exercise and asked how many repetitions I was doing. I told him 50 to which he responded, “Oh, I can’t do that many so I will wait.” I then told him I had one more rotation to go which would only take me 10 minutes and then I would help him with anything he needed. He said to me that it was fine and he would meet me in 10 minutes. This was fine with me because I really wanted to finish all 3 rotations before helping him. I did finish the 3rd rotation without interruption. Once I finished I looked around and the student was no where to be seen so I went over to the Harvard Wall.

I did make it through the hour and 10 minutes without any further intrusions. It is odd because the lead instructor who works out harder than I do never seems to get interrupted or challenged while he is working out. Whatever the case I try not to show my annoyance outwardly during these interruptions but I am sure it still comes through. I was hoping to get a haircut which is why I stayed out in the yard after the 2:45 pm unlock. There is a “barber shop” which is located on the upper tier but it’s more of an area where inmates go to get their haircut. I made my way up to the “barber shop” but apparently it was closed for the holiday. Yes, the haircuts are free because the “barber” is an actual barber and gets paid by the prison. Please don’t misread that last statement because even though it is a barber he is also an inmate but I do understand he actually knows how to give haircuts. Haircuts for the majority of inmates are merely shaving their heads. As enticing shaving my head (not!) may seem, I prefer to keep my hair and I will take my chances on an actual haircut.

At this point I still had 30 minutes prior to the next unlock and my good sweat was turning cold. I had to put on my wool hat in order to keep my body heat level maintained. This unlock was at yard closing and the problem with coming back to the dorm at this time is getting into the shower prior to dinner. Also due to the holiday I lost my priority status on the shower and had to wait in line. I finally got into the shower 10 minutes prior to leaving for dinner. I knew I didn’t have much time so I took the fastest shower of my life. I think I was in and out in 3 minutes. I had high hopes for this dinner because I hadn’t eaten lunch and I didn’t pick up the protein drinks. I was very hungry but when I received my vegetarian tray the only double portion I received was the cottage cheese which I have never acquired the taste for. I received single portions on both the black-eyed peas and rice. This dinner left me far from filled and satisfied. Once I got back to the dormitory I made an “Elvis Presley” sandwich without the maple syrup. The “Elvis Presley” sandwich is peanut butter and bananas on bread. I have had peanut butter on bananas but never made the sandwich, now I have. It is a very tasty sandwich and did fill me up for the rest of the evening.

My evening was once again filled with reading and writing. I did receive a ducat to attend the Facilitator Class which I wrote about last week. This was incredibly quick and at first I thought it was a mistake but I double checked and it was not. The only issue I had with the class that it conflicted with my job and I would miss the 4 mile power walk and 2 mile run. I am not sure how many other instructors other than the lead instructor count their miles as I do and are truly disappointed when they miss the class like I do but I really don’t enjoy it when I receive a conflict with the PFT class. I do know this facilitator class is another good step in the process for me to move to a fire camp as quick as possible. It also opens up other options for me and ultimately it helps my fellow inmates. I have an idea what the facilitator class is all about, I am more interested in the process of becoming a facilitator which hopefully the class will fill me in on. More on the facilitator class at a later point.

I specifically monitored my lemonade consumption prior to going to sleep because I did not want to have a repeat performance of the previous night where I woke up every hour to use the restroom. I must have done something right since I slept all the way until 4:00 am before waking. I felt very refreshed when I woke up at 4:00 am but wasn’t ready to start the day because other than watching television there isn’t much to do at this time so I laid in my bunk until after 5:00 am. Then I started my day and this morning I had to pack my “blues” in a laundry bag because they were required for the Facilitator Training class and I had to change out of my PFT Instructor uniform after the first hour of the class.

The early morning air was very cold as I headed out to the dining hall for early breakfast. The temperature was a cool 24 degrees but thankfully the wind was not blowing. There was nothing to report at breakfast even though it was in the other dining hall with the pro-meat C/O. The C/O did not even give me a hard time regarding my vegetarian lunch maybe the novelty has worn off. I was also able to sneak out an apple and lately I have been enjoying an apple or banana later in the day. It was now time for the PFT class to start and due to the fact I was going to the Facilitator Training class I would only be able to get in 2 miles of the 4 mile power walk. I informed the lead instructor of my leaving and as always he understood. There are other inmates who have been waiting to attend this class for two months whereas I submitted the application last week. The Coordinator who is in charge of the class and the Program even commented to me regarding this and did say “timing is everything.”

The class is a 2 day class which means I will miss the PFT class tomorrow. I really don’t like missing the PFT class but from what I witnessed today this training class is well worth missing 2 days of exercises. There were 12 inmates in the class and we were there from 8:00 am to 2:00 pm. This class is to train inmates to become facilitator of the Pre-Release Program at the fire camps. I won’t be a teacher rather as the title infers a facilitator of the materials. The pre-release program administered at fire camps is very comprehensive and consists of 30 hours worth of video presentations. The subjects covered on these tapes are thinking skills, communication skills, job skills, victim awareness, parenting skills, alternative thinking, drug abuse, health practices, irrational thinking, job search, community resources, empathy, messages, relationships, and life plan among other skills. This is a very comprehensive program which meets 24 times. Some fire camps offer the class 1 to 3 times per week and it is designed for the inmate who will be released on parole in 3 to 6 months. The goal of the program is to reduce the recidivism rate within the California Prison system. This program was instituted in 1999 and 8,000 inmates have enrolled. Of those inmates 70% have not returned to prison and 30% have. These numbers are almost opposite of the current recidivism rate within the overall California Prison parolees which has 70% returning to prison and 30% staying out of prison. Yes, these are statistics which can be showed every which way but it does illustrate that the Pre-Release Program does work.

The Coordinator gave all of us a personality test and I have taken these in the past on several occasions. I was placed in something called “SJ Guardian” and received a printout on my characteristics. The printout covered topics on personality, career, home, midlife, mates, courting, sex, interpersonal, social and domestic. Overall the training class was very good but I have got to learn to be even more patient and understand my surroundings better. The Coordinator gave us the 70 questions personality test and I finished mine in a matter of minutes, however, many of the other inmates in the class struggled and had to refer to dictionaries as they answered the questions. I did find myself growing a bit impatient and this is something I need to work on.

In so many ways I am a “fish out of water” in this place. I have managed quite well so far and I am always hesitant to “stand out” when I am with a group of inmates such was the case today. However; I still have to be me and there is only so much I can repress. I hope I don’t come across as arrogant or aloof because this is not my intention. I am here because I committed a crime just like everyone else and I am no better than the next inmate. In the classroom setting today I saw first hand the glaring differences between me and most of all of the other inmates. These differences don’t make me better in any way, shape, or form, they just make me different and I must be aware of these differences at all times. Somehow I have fit in over these past 6 months because I found my niche. I believe obtaining a facilitator position at the fire camp will help me obtain another niche because it provides a valuable service and I will be helping others. When I first came to prison I wanted to be invisible but as time went by I realized this was next to impossible but more importantly this concept was a disservice to me because had I stayed invisible I would not have been able to grow as a person. I am no longer invisible and somewhat very visible but this has turned out to be an asset rather than a liability. I want to keep growing as a person especially in an environment like this because this is part of my recovery. I have always been a good person but I did a bad thing. This bad thing won’t make me a bad person because good will always prevail as long as I maintain positive values. I will continue to maintain my positive values one day at a time.