Into The Flow

Sunday morning arrived after a rather peaceful sleep with minor interruptions from the weekend C/O’s. There was the usual disruption at 2:45 am but other than that I was in a fitful sleep. The weekends make me stay on my bunk until 6:00 am because there is no where for me to go unless I want to watch the Spanish channel (which by the way is very racy and shows scantily clad females in bathing suits dancing on some unidentified beach. I am fairly certain some of my dorm mates who watch this program don’t even speak Spanish and it makes no difference to them because they are enjoying the view. I have caught glimpses of this program and when my dorm mates watch the Spanish news in the evening and it is apparent univision believes in the motto “sex sells” because it is all over their programming and their shows are very popular in a place like this.) Even though there were scantily clad young ladies on the television I had no desire to subject myself to watching. As is the case each weekend once I perform my morning ritual of brushing my teeth, washing up and getting dressed to remain in my bunk until a few minutes prior to the breakfast unlock where I move into the television area nearer the door. While I lay in my bunk I listen to the radio and do listen mostly to the news station. At this point in the morning this news station does a recap of the weekly national news and it does keep me informed. At least now I feel more connected to the outside world than I did at my two previous stops. I do know there is an outside world and also do know what is going on.

The breakfast on Sunday morning is always the same, eggs, sausage, roasted potatoes, two slices of bread, hot or cold cereal, apple, skim milk, and orange/grape/apple juice. This breakfast does gross me out because of my great disdain for eggs. I can’t seem to get the eggs off my tray fast enough. I most certainly have many takers for the eggs and sausage but sometimes the eggs contaminate the potatoes or bread and I won’t eat them either. Lately I have given up on the faux wheat bread for breakfast. I have no choice for lunch other than eating the peanut butter and strawberry jam directly from the packet. This bread might as well be white bread because it is definitely enriched which isn’t so healthy. I guess when the menu us submitted it looks good that the prison serves wheat bread but in reality it is white bread with brown food coloring. The hot cereal yesterday was farina and it was a bit thicker than its usual soapy dishwater consistency. It doesn’t matter that the farina looks and somewhat tastes like soapy dishwater I still eat it as was the case yesterday. Remember it is all about consuming calories and I do wonder if my tastes buds have been effectively killed by the dull tasting food, I guess time will tell.

My “program” on the weekends has been going very well and yesterday was no exception. After returning to the dorm I had all morning to write and I started as soon as I got back. I do like to finish the installment for the blog on Sunday mornings so I can get it in the mail on Sunday which means it will go out on Monday morning. Hopefully the mail hold-up has been resolved by now and my wife and mother have received everything I have sent them. Along with writing the blog I composed four other letters and amazingly the entire morning flashed by as I finished up. I do enjoy the flow of things on the weekends much better now than I did even a month ago. I have decided to workout on both days because I did not like the down period and exercising makes these days go by much faster. There is an obvious theme here for me which is to make the best out of each day and make those days go by as fast as possible. Everyday has 24 hours in it no matter if I am at Sierra conservation Center or New Jersey or Southern California. Those 24 hours will pass no matter what I do but I better be doing something to make the most of those 24 hours. I have and continue to make the best of each day which makes this journey move along. I have encountered other inmates who have been incarcerated for long periods of time and still have much longer to go than I have. These inmates do their time in many different ways; some are very active and some are inactive. It appears those who are active have a much better attitude then those who are inactive and I much prefer to be active. Sure I could lay around all the time and “catch-up” on my rest like some of my fellow inmates but this would be a contradiction to my recovery. I want to stay as active as possible and I have been very fortunate since arriving here over 3 months ago. Presumably my Instructor position will be ending soon with my graduation of the PFT class but this does not mean I stop being active. I will transfer my “program” from the weekends to the weekdays and everything will be fine.

After finishing the letters I watched a few minutes of the Bears/Saints NFC Championship football game prior to the yard opening in the afternoon. There was a time in my life when I would have camped out in front of the television all afternoon to not only watch this game but the one following it. Also, there would have been several wagers on both of these games even though I really didn’t have an opinion. There are some days (like yesterday) when I look back at my previous behavior (which was most certainly compulsive) and shake my head as to how “stupid” I was. As I analyze that behavior farther I realized I was not so much as stupid but I was “trapped” into this compulsive behavior. It was something I had to do no matter what. Now, thankfully I know there is a better way and I am no longer trapped within my behavior. Yesterday, I could watch the first few minutes of the game, go outside and not concern myself with the game whatsoever. It is a great feeling that in spite of my surroundings I have my life back. I can’t wait to share this feeling because it has been a long time coming. I did go outside and had a great workout and not once did I think about the football game. The day was beautiful with temperatures in the high 50’s. I ran 10 laps (3.3 miles), did the Super Session of PFT and finished on the Harvard Wall.

As I was doing the calisthenics one of the students who had failed the PFT class last week (this is the same person who has asked for my assistance previously but never showed up) asked me to help him. It was good timing because he waned to do some of the same exercises I was already performing. I told him to join me and he did. Well, he didn’t last very long because after 20 seconds of doing calisthenics he quit stating he hurt his back. I am not sure if he actually hurt his back because I did not notice anything unusual or any limps as he walked off. This was unfortunate for him because exercising is much like life where a person gets what they put in and if he is not putting in the effort he may fail the class again. I did want to help him but I cannot do the exercises for him which I thought that was where we were heading. Hopefully, he did not injure himself and will be ready when the class starts this week. I don’t mind helping anyone as long as they put the effort in, I am not exactly sold on if this particular inmate was putting enough effort in. After he departed I continued on with my workout. Oops, I almost forgot while I was running there was another much younger inmate (late 20’s) who was running on the track as well. I somewhat know him and he does run very fast. He doesn’t run very far but he does run fast. I was on my last lap and he was on his first lap. I decided to use him as a pacer and speeded up in order to keep up with him. I was able to keep up with him and ended up doing a very fast last mile of the 3.3 I had completed. The last mile was in 6 minutes and 43 seconds, in contrast to the first mile in 7 minutes and 36 seconds. Interestingly enough the inmate I used as a pacer only completed one more lap and he usually runs between 3 and 6 laps. My legs aren’t built for speed but it was good to “air” them out and this provided a nice change of pace. Also, I am not sure if running around the same track with the same scenery is conducive to effective training. I much prefer running on a treadmill and running on the streets outside these four walls. However; running inside here does put my mind on hold and does effectively clear my thoughts. In essence running has kept me sane and I am very grateful.

I thought I should get the protein drinks after performing the calisthenics prior to the Harvard Wall exercise. Although there is no way I can run after consuming the protein drinks but I can tolerate doing the Harvard Wall The wait in pill call line was not too bad at 15 minutes. I did figure something out yesterday while waiting for the protein drinks regarding my peculiar eating habits. I have a habit of eating only when I am hungry. I am not sure how this has developed but it is something I have done for a very long time. In fact, I have to go grocery shopping while I am hungry other wise I won’t want to purchase anything. This is contrary to the popular idea of only going shopping when a person is NOT hungry otherwise they will spend too much. I guess my case is extreme. I consumed the 2 protein drinks and knew I wouldn’t eat anything until dinner time because the drinks satisfied my hunger. I was right because after I finished almost an hour on the Harvard Wall and received the unlock into the dorm I headed directly to the sinks to wash my clothes. After this I showered and was not hungry. I was all finished writing for the day and I could have read but I opted to watch the AFC Championship game between the Colts and Patriots with my dorm mates. Once again, I viewed this as a fan and realized I like good teams. When I was a kid I became a fan of the Miami Dolphins because they win 2 Super bowls. I was not a fan of the local New York (Giants and Jets) teams when I was growing up because they weren’t very good back then. After the Miami Dolphins I became a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers because they won 4 Super bowls. After the Pittsburgh Steelers I started my inauspicious compulsive gambling career and only cared about the team that covered the point spread.

As I watched the game the New England Patriots and Indianapolis Colts I realized I was rooting for the New England Patriots because they have been so good over the past 5 years much like the Miami Dolphins and Pittsburgh Steelers were when I was a kid. I have always admired great players and great teams. My compulsive gambling habit clouded this fact but looking back I was always a fan of Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Michael Jordan in basketball because of their greatness. While watching the game yesterday, I realized many of my dorm mates were rooting for the Indianapolis Colts. This isn’t quite correct; my dorm mates were rooting AGAINST the New England Patriots. I found this interesting because many people root against the great teams such as the New York Yankees. I have always been a New York Mets fan but over the past 10 years I have admired the Yankees because they have always performed well. I am not the type of person who begrudges others for their success rather I do admire them which is why I could be labeled a “front runner” when rooting for certain teams. (One thing about prison; it certainly has given me time for introspections and I have learned a great deal about myself. I am not so sure how earth-shattering these discoveries are but at the very least I have no self-destructive thoughts and all my thoughts are positive.) Thankfully I enjoyed the football games as a fan and even though the Patriots lost my life will go on. I was happy for Peyton Manning (quarterback for the Colts) and Tony Dungy (head coach for the Colts) because both of them have been so close to going to the Super bowl in the past, now they finally made it, good for them.

While the game was going on I passed on going to the cheeseburger dinner and made the usual “rice and beans”. For once I was able to take my bowl and eat the dinner in the television area while my dorm mates were at dinner. The television area is only 10 feet away from my bunk but the change of scenery was nice as was the quiet since only 3 other dorm mates stayed in the dormitory.

I was able to get a few hours of restful sleep and when 5:00 am came I was awake. This morning was just like every other Monday morning ad I looked forward to starting my work week. After returning to the dormitory I finished “Blinded” by Stephen White. The book was 493 pages and the story was wrapped up in 1 1/2 pages. There was literally 491 ½ pages of “back story” and 1 ½ of conclusion. The novel was very well written and the writing style was much better than “Cold Case” however, this story line had something to be desired. In summary, the prose was excellent but the story was terrible. The one positive about the novel was it moved along rapidly and was written at a very high level but I would not recommend it.

While I was waiting for the morning yard unlock I received notification of the books my mother sent me. The books did arrive here 10 days ago but this was the first time I was notified of their arrival. Now it may take me awhile to pick them up because this being the beginning of the quarter means many inmates receive their quarterly packages. The receiving area is very busy and I may have to wait until the weekend to pick them up. It was perfect timing because of the 13 books I received the last time my mom and sister sent books, I have read 11 of them. The 2 I haven’t read are still being read by my dorm mates. I have been like a library since receiving those books and my dorm mates have been very respectful by not keeping the books too long. Only one dorm mate has had a book for almost the month but he is still reading it and should be done soon. I look forward to picking up these books because I don’t know anything about which titles my mom sent, it will be a nice surprise.

I did spend most of the lunch hour listening to the news on the radio in hopes of learning the “land mark Supreme Court ruling” regarding prison sentences in California but I didn’t hear anything. Apparently many of my fellow inmates have heard but I have no idea if this “landmark ruling” applies to me and I will stay focused on getting to fire camp when I will receive a new release date.