Writing And Resting

After the PFT Plus class, the coach had a critiquing session. He critiqued and praised all the instructors. He has a pet peeve with doing jumping jacks incorrectly. My shoulders needed to touch my ears as I brought my arms over my head. He praised each and every one of us as to our fitness level. I am very fortunate to have the position of instructor.

When the session ended, I headed for the pill call line. But this time instead of waiting 30 minutes, I asked if there was any protein drink available and were told they were still out. Also, I needed to make my way to the telephone to make a call. I was going to call my very good friend but I recently received a letter from him and he was not available yesterday afternoon. I thought I should call my wife and inform her I finally received all the paperwork necessary for my full fire camp clearance. I called at this time so I could speak with my daughter and son. When I call at night, it’s too late for me to talk to them because they are sleeping. It was just so wonderful to speak with my children. My son is such a happy boy and I can’t help but to smile while I speak with him. My daughter is equally as happy but she is much more loquacious than my son. She asked me if Santa said hello. “Of course,” I replied to which she beamed “I knew it!” My daughter is 8 years old soon to be 9 in a few weeks, and she is reaching the precarious stage of whether she believes in Santa or not. She told her grandmother (my mom) prior to Christmas that she had her doubts about Santa, but as Christmas arrived, my daughter quickly affirmed her belief. Based on our conversation yesterday, there is no doubt in my mind she still believes. She was so happy Santa told me hello, I am sure it made her day. Also, we will both look for the North Star on Saturday and when we see it, we will think about each other. These are truly special moments and I am so blessed with an incredible family. Everything is working out very well. Once again my telephone call ended very quickly and I said good-bye and I love you to my wife.

Once the call was over I decided to work out until the yard closed at 4:00 pm. The good part about the workout was that I got to wear shorts and a tee shirt which meant less clothes to wash. It makes a huge difference when I don’t have to wash sweatshirts or sweatpants; this saves at least 20 minutes of doing laundry. I know I sound like a broken record by now but doing my laundry in the sink is the worst part of the day. Speaking of laundry, one of my laundry bags was lost and I had to fill out a “shortage slip”. The only issue for me is that all of my undershirts were in the laundry bag and I have become accustomed to wearing an undershirt to sleep. I really don’t like exposing any part of my body in this environment and if I weren’t so uncomfortable, I would wear my socks to sleep. One more day and I will have my tee shirts so I can rest easily.

My entire day was pushed back so last night I did my writing most of the evening. I started another novel COLD CASE by Stephen White. I only read a few pages before falling asleep. I am so thankful to be physically tired at night so I don’t have any problems falling asleep. Sometimes I wake up at 3:30 am which is very dangerous because my mind starts to wander and I can’t seem to turn it off. This was the case this morning and it took me an hour to fall back to sleep. No matter how hard I try there are times – not often thankfully - where my mind drifts to my lovely family and how much I miss them. It has been awhile since this has happened and I do try my best to re-focus. I am sure it will happen again but I will be fine. I finally fell asleep only to wake up shortly thereafter. As I woke up I looked outside to the pouring rain. It appeared that the forecast was correct which meant no work or exercise for me.

After eating some cold cereal for breakfast (which was not enough because I was still hungry) I went back to the dorm and started writing the first of five letters. Even though it was still raining the yard normally opens. I needed to see my counselor regarding the paperwork and the family visit. Also, two weeks ago my counselor told me to come back today and he would have all the necessary answers. Communication to us is not a strong suit of the prison officials - maybe this is by design. The unlock came and along with 3 other of my dorm mates I ventured over to the counselor’s trailer. When we arrived there we saw a sign which read CLOSED. Thursdays are the only day of the week all the inmates can see their counselors and it is called an Open-line. Any inmate can see the counselor and all we have to do is put our ID cards in the box and then we are call to see him. I did this two weeks ago and due to my position as an instructor, I was called right away with a minimal wait. It would have been nice to know two weeks ago that they were closed and I would come back in three weeks. But again communication is certainly not a strong suit here. I may not like it which is why I will continue to work my recovery everyday in order to NEVER come back to this awful place.

Now I have no answers regarding any of the questions especially the family visit. I was certainly hoping to have an idea when my wife can come to visit. She needs to make a whole host of travel arrangements and the more advance notice the better. It is also approaching a critical time - whereas does it make sense to visit here or when I get to a fire camp? The travel plans would be much easier for her if I am stationed at the fire camp in Southern California. My wife can also visit with some very dear friends in the area. Oh well, it looks like one more week of waiting. I do know one thing, I am always astonished when things go smoothly because it is a rare occurrence in a place like this.

I returned to my bunk and composed the next 4 letters over the next 3 hours. I will need cosmetic surgery to remove the permanent indentation on my right middle finger from all the writing I do but it is well worth it! I discover so many aspects about myself through these letters and I am thankful to everyone. Today was the perfect day to write and rest. I have worked out fairly hard over the past 4 days and certainly needed the rest. The writing I did today was as therapeutic as my exercising and amazingly enough the day passed quickly. I am not sure who or what but someone is certainly looking after me and keeping me SAFE and STRONG.