Reclass Notification

Yesterday there was another coach assisting our coach during the class. This other coach came from the level 1 yard and I presume she will be assisting the coach throughout the entire 9 day class. This coach was wearing very stylish running shoes and during a down moment before class started I asked her if they were trail running shoes or hiking shoes. She rather abruptly responded, “They are just shoes.” That comment ended the conversation because based on those four words she had no desire to communicate with me. I certainly didn’t press the situation and simply moved on to speak with a fellow instructor. No matter what my position in life was prior to arriving in prison, I am just another inmate and treated accordingly. I have been somewhat spoiled by our coach because he treats all the instructors with dignity and respect. Unfortunately, not many others share these feelings when it comes to the inmates. That very small conversation was yet another reminder to me as to my current status as an inmate. This is something I have come to accept and sometimes the reality does hit hard especially in circumstances such as this one; however, it is all part of my punishment.

The concept is very simple – steal and get punished. I stole no matter the reason and now I am being punished. Somewhere down the line, the punishment will cease and I will be allowed to live a life in freedom. It is entirely up to me how I live my life and I will live it with a very positive purpose one day at a time. I certainly believe I will be the exception to the recidivism rule and will not return to the prison system. I made a very large mistake and I do know the root cause of this mistake which was my compulsive gambling addiction. It is with the utmost urgency that I stay in recovery for a lifetime or the chances of coming back to a place like this are very high and there is certainly something worse which could happen. I have thrown away 2 years from my family due to my addiction and I am determined not to throw away anymore time from my family and myself. The only way to ensure this is to stay in recovery which I will.

I certainly don’t appreciate the way the other coach treated me yesterday; however, it is a by product of the incarceration. Some believe – not all people – that because I did something bad that I am a bad person. This is their view and I can’t change the way people think. I know I am not a bad person much like many of my fellow inmates. People make mistakes (some bigger than others) which I certainly did but this does not define me as a person. I know I am already a better person than I was 2 years ago and each day I try to do better. I believe there will many more moments like the one yesterday with the other coach but I will take it with my head held high and with dignity. Life goes on.

Prior to going inside, I was fortunate to be able to pick up my protein drink for the second day in a row. I will be able to pick them up 6 days a week and cut back on the PB&J sandwiches! I will need to monitor my eating habits because I can see myself actually losing weight by taking the protein drinks because I will eat very little of anything else. I have to remind myself to eat because of my screwy brain!

Every Sunday and Friday, a full length movie is shown on the prison channel. I had no desire to watch for two reasons – it was too late because “this old guy” turns in at this hour and the movie FACT AND FURIOUS – TOKYKO DRIFT looked awful. So I decided to call it a night. Again, for the third night in a row I was awake at 3:00 am. I observed my neighbor have a fight with himself as he was sleeping. He had his blankets pulled over his head (by the way this appears to be the preferred method of sleeping with many of my dorm mates, not me) and I watched him throw his arms as if he were punching someone. He was also kicking with his legs. It was somewhat fascinating because it lasted a good 5 minutes. I asked him this morning if he was dreaming about fighting. He said, “No,” then I proceeded to tell him what I witnessed. He laughed when he heard about his strange actions.

A little after 7:00 am, I went to the French toast breakfast but there was clearly no need for me to attend since all I had was the hot cereal which tasted and looked like dirty dishwater. I gave away the French toast to my “rapid eating tablemate”. I had no problem keeping up with him this morning because all I ate was the hot cereal. We were the first ones back in the dorm at 7:15 which included the 5 minute walk to and from the dining hall – that was fast!

Most of my dorm mates stayed inside this morning which meant a very short line for the shower. The wait was so short I let one of my neighbors in before me while I headed to the bathroom sink to wash my clothes. Yes, I had to wash my sweatshirt which was all sweaty and I didn’t want to experience the smell! As I was combing my hair I realized I needed a haircut since it has been 6 months ago that I had my “2 year cut” where my hair has been cut as short as it has ever been. Sometime this week I will get my hair cut from the barbershop on the yard which probably uses just electric razors and does not have access to scissors. Not many of my fellow inmates have hair like mine. In fact not many of my fellow inmates have hair!

Finally, last night I received a notice which was extremely positive. Actually, I received two “jail mails” (prison inter office mail) both positive. The first one was regarding my family visit with my wife. I received the “menu” which really is a shopping list which contains items such as milk, bread, eggs, chicken, etc. I need to fill this out and return it in 15 days and once it is processed I will receive the date for my family visit. I was very surprised to see veggie burgers on the menu. The food selection process is very easy for me because there are only a handful of items on the menu that I eat. Whereas my wife, who is much less pickier than me has a variety of items to choose from. I will have to make the choices for her because I want to submit this list as soon as possible and I won’t speak with her until Monday. Well, now that I think about it waiting one more day maybe a good idea so I will ask what she would like. The other “jail mail” was regarding my reclassification notice that takes place on Tuesday. This is the next official step in getting to a fire camp. It appears my counselor does indeed have all the necessary paperwork for me to attend a fire camp. The reclassification hearing SHOULD grant me full fire camp status on Tuesday. I say should because I have learned not to take anything for granted in a place like this because anything can happen so I remain cautiously optimistic.