I Should Be Used To This By Now!

For the first time in a very long time since my arrival here I stayed inside the dormitory the entire day yesterday. We were not allowed to go to breakfast in the dining hall and were served a cold breakfast inside the dormitory. I didn’t even venture outside for dinner since it was the filet o fish meal and I was better served making a bowl of rice and beans back in the dorm. I have been regulated inside the dorm in the past; however, these times were weather related. Yesterday I stayed inside the dorm the entire day and unbelievably it wasn’t so bad because I kept myself busy the entire day reading, writing, listening to the radio and even watching television. It became obvious to me that I would be spending the entire day inside when the food was delivered to the dormitory. At this point around 7:00 am I made the suggestion to change the channel from the endless cycle of local morning news to putting on the “Today Show”. Amazingly my dorm mates agreed and I realized my dorm mates have a great deal of respect for me since one of them told me, “We were only watching the local news because we thought you wanted to watch it.” This was interesting because I thought they wanted to watch the local news, communication is always a good thing.

When I first arrived here almost 4 months ago I was very quiet and said very little. Over those months I have gotten more comfortable with my dorm mates and myself. I am no longer afraid to say things and it is working out very well. In my dorm everyone is treated with respect and not to sound arrogant but I seem to be treated with more respect than others. I am not sure why or how this happened but I believe it is a positive. I won’t let it go to my head because I don’t want to be perceived as arrogant or aloof. I will continue doing what I have been doing over these past months because the results are very positive.

I wasn’t very productive yesterday and seemed to have eaten more than usual. I spent most of the morning writing. After writing I listened to news on the radio because the California State Legislators were supposed to announce their plan to curb the overcrowding of the prison system. Apparently myself along with my fellow inmates are very interested in this plan, however, the general public does not seem to care. I couldn’t find any news on this all afternoon and all night yesterday. I was able to ascertain some news regarding this earlier this morning. The plan didn’t sound like much of a plan and more like political posturing. The Republicans and Democrats in the California Sate Legislature appear to be at odds regarding a plan. (Gee what a surprise!) Nothing definitive was announced as the clock ticks closer to the June 4th deadline. I did hear one thing which stood out; over the past year and a half I have heard the figure of 173,000 mentioned in every article and news cast. This number represents the total population of the California prison inmates. This morning the figure of 174,000 was mentioned. Over the past year and a half I could not understand how the number would always be the same. I thought that it would fluctuate with inmates entering the system and inmates being released from the system. However, this number has been steady and it would represent a zero-sum gain, meaning for every prisoner entering the system one would depart. Now it appears based on the information I heard earlier this number is rising which is not a good thing in the eyes of the Federal Judge who called for a plan alleviating the prison system by June 4th. Obviously being an inmate of the California Department of Corrections I am very interested in what is happening with this issue. Once again whether it had any bearing on my current status who knows, that is why I want to get to fire camp a soon as possible. Getting to fire camp quickly means it is my last stop before joining my family which means everything to me. I am eagerly waiting the transfer.

It appears I will need to be less eager as I wait for the transfer to fire camp. I really should be used to this by now because delays have been the overall theme for my case from the very start. Now here I sit on February 6, 2007 the day in which I was supposed to graduate the PFT class in order to get into the firefighter training class. I have no idea if we will be testing in this class since the yard has been closed down these past 2 days. The weather forecast is not promising, as rain is predicted for the next 5 days. This could wash out the test and mean another 9 day session thus delaying me into late February. The serenity prayer has come in handy over these past 2 years. In all the delays which have surrounded my case there was NOT one thing I could do to change any of them and now I am in the same situation.

The most difficult part of this entire situation which also goes all the way back to the beginning is the not knowing. From day one as I confessed I had no idea what was going to happen and today I have no idea what is going to happen. Communications along my journey from the county jail until present have been non-existent. I am not sure if this is done by design or if it is just the way it is. I must say I thought the not knowing ended on the day of my sentence; however, it has carried forward throughout this process. It does get very frustrating at certain points and right now I am at one of those points. However; no matter how frustrated or aggravated I seem to get I know this situation has an end date of July 17, 2008. I was hoping to take off a few months from that release date; however, I need to be patient and serene. This situation will end on either that date or sooner and I have to continue to remind myself of this daily.

I did have difficulty falling asleep last night since I didn’t do any physical activity all day. I lay in bed at the usual time of 10:00 pm but didn’t get to sleep until well after 11:00 pm. I seemed to toss and turn all night which brings to mind another thing I am grateful for, exercising. Normally I can fall asleep fast due to being physically exhausted and hope the lock down days don’t last very long. This is another test in a long line of tests on this journey. All of this is making me a better person and I look forward to the day when my life is my own.

I received 5 pieces of mail yesterday which helped my day go by faster. The mail is still about 2 weeks behind but I was overjoyed to see the 5 different pieces of mail. I had so much time yesterday that I was able to write each person back and get it in the mail last night. If there was a day in which I needed mail it was yesterday, my spirits were lifted instantly as I read each letter. Once again, the little things in my life such as receiving a letter mean so much to me and I am constantly reminded as to what a great family and what great friends I have, I continue to be blessed.

It looks likes my day will consist more of the same, writing and reading. I will have to fit in an exercise session somewhere over the course of the day because I really don’t like the inactivity. I sure hope this is the last day for the lockdown but then again the rain is coming so I very well maybe dorm-bound the entire week. I made 31 days without much activity while I stayed in the county jail. At least now I have much better food, books, writing material, and conditions so a few days won’t be so bad. Sure it will most likely delay my fire camp status but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Life goes on and this situation will end soon enough, Thank God!