Super Bowl XLI

My intention was to workout all afternoon. However, as I was running I decided not to kill myself because the PFT test is Tuesday. I certainly don’t want to injure myself so I went for a 9 mile run and decided to call it a day. The run was great as I accomplished the first mile in 7 minutes and 42 seconds and the 9th mile in 6 minutes and 41 seconds (fastest mile since I have been here). I certainly could have run more but I want to be fresh for the test on Tuesday. Also, as I ran, one of the instructors let me know the protein drinks were available. I had to stop at the 9th mile because the pill call line was dwindling and closing soon. I had a minimal wait and was happy to receive them. After consuming the drinks the instructor who informed me about them also told me something else. I am going to keep this a secret for now because it is a surprise for my daughter and son. I will say there are some inmates with very special talents and my children shouldn’t be disappointed.

The day was absolutely beautiful and I ran in short sleeves the entire time. I still have a “fan club” as I run around the track and receive many positive cat calls. The odd thing is many of these inmates who know me - I don’t really know who they are. A quick aside – earlier this week I had the back pace during the 4 miles power walk. The key for the students is not to get anywhere near me during the walk because if they do, it means they aren’t doing very well. One student fell towards me and I offered some words of encouragement as I got nearer to the student. He then realized he was getting dangerously close to me and looked back and said, “I heard about you. You run the marathon on the streets and make this stuff look easy.” I just smiled and told him it has taken me years to get to this point. I guess he didn’t want to listen to me because he sped up and rejoined the pack. As I mentioned many times there aren’t any secrets in here and everyone seems to know everything about everybody. As I ran around the track today it was clearly evident many inmates know who I am but this is good because each one that made a cat call to me had a smile on his face. I think this is a compliment. It does make me feel good in so many different ways as I run around the track. This situation is working out for the best and it is all thanks to my recovery.

Once again I bought something for an inmate that I didn’t necessarily need. An inmate who I have known from the reception center was selling new deodorant for soups. The price was discounted 50% because he really wanted the soups. I didn’t really need the deodorant but I do have a surplus of soups. I am beginning to believe I could be the only inmate who has a surplus supply on the entire yard. I decided to buy this and help out this particular inmate. I think this is the second time I have bought something from someone that I didn’t need only to help the inmate out. I guess I am just a sucker and like to help out. Is this bad?

I had a couple hours till dinner so I listened to the radio and discovered the state of California is now sending inmates out of state who did NOT volunteer. Apparently these inmates have immigration holds and are not necessarily US citizens – thus they are not protected by the US Constitution so California is sending these inmates to prisons outside of the state. I am not an attorney but I can see an injunction being filed in the near future. According to the report these transfers only involve 5000 inmates and according to the Federal Judge, the system is overcrowded by 73,000 inmates so the state still has to address another 68,000 inmates in the next 4 months. It is going to be interesting to see what is going to happen on June 4th when the deadline issued by the Federal Judge is reached. The decision could be precedent setting and whether it has a direct effect on my status, only time will tell.

There wasn’t any evening yard last night and I was about to start a non-fiction book titled A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING GENIUS (great title by the way) by Dave Eggers. My neighbor asked me if I wanted to read the December issue of MEN’S HEALTH MAGAZINE. Well if there was only one magazine I could read, it would be that one. Over the years, I have been an avid reader of this monthly publication. To say I love this magazine would be an understatement. I jumped at the opportunity and I was immersed all evening. This magazine is incredible every month because 97% of the articles I can relate to. I have been reading this for a number of years and each month I am amazed at how many articles are relevant to me. I had a very enjoyable evening reading the magazine from cover to cover.

This morning, I had time to write before breakfast because this afternoon is Super Bowl XLI. The Super Bowl has always been the same age as me. This doesn’t mean it started in the same year I was born; it just means my age at the time of the Super Bowl will always be the same. I know it’s a useless piece of information, but my brain is filled with these useless pieces of information! I plan on watching the game with many of my dorm mates and oddly enough the urge to gamble is nowhere to be seen by me. Way back in my history of compulsive gambling in Super Bowl XVIII when I was 18, I made the biggest bet of my life on this game of $1250.00 and lost.

Soon thereafter I got into trouble for the first time due to my compulsive gambling addiction. My parents made me see a psychologist and during this one and only visit he told me my compulsive gambling addiction will always be with me no matter low long I abstain from gambling. He said I could have a few clean years and then the Super Bowl would roll around and I would want to bet on it. Back when I was 18 years old I was wrong and dumb. I heard his advice but had my own spin on it. After that one and only session and not entering GA I thought I could just stop gambling on my own. I did stop for the next 4 years. I was totally abstinent and I wasn’t gambling everyday. Then after 4 years of being away from the madness, I jumped in with both feet. However, anytime the Super Bowl came around I always thought of that game for the “amateur” bettor and I was a “professional”. There were some years where I had only a $50.00 wager on the game because of the advice I received from the psychologist when I was 18 years ago. I thought if my largest bet was not on the Super Bowl then I couldn’t possibly be a compulsive gambler. How is that for delusional thinking? What never entered my mind at the time was I had 10 other bets going on other games on Super Bowl Sunday for thousands of dollars. Was I thinking rationally? Obviously not. I thought that placing a minor bet on a “big game” such as the Super Bowl meant I wasn’t a compulsive gambler. Now I know some 23 years later that I cannot place any wager on anything because it leads to total destruction of my life.

There are a number of “grid pools” floating around the yard. Back when I was gambling I hardly ever entered into these pools because I thought it was childish and not professional enough for me. In other words I thought I was better than those silly pools because only people who don’t know what they are doing enter these pools and I know what I am doing. Obviously, I had no idea what I was doing because I ended up in a place such as where I write this blog from. I still have disdain for these “grid pools” not because I think I am better than them but because I know the consequences of putting my name on the sheet. This is why I had to tell my dorm mates on 5 separate occasions “no.” I have said this before and it bears repeating. It is not the Super Bowl game that I have to be afraid of; it is the St. Mary’s / Pepperdine College basketball game on a Saturday on the middle of February that I have to be very weary of because one simple seemingly innocuous wager can and will lead to utter self-destruction. I have not made a wager in 23 months and 6 days through the grace of my higher power and the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I have no intention of making a wager on any game today including the Super Bowl. Yes, I will watch it because I want to see the commercials!

Barry Minkow who was convicted of a large scale fraud back in the late 80’s and early 90’s when he was 18 years old has turned his life around and is an ordained minister living in San Diego. He was incarcerated for 8 years and uses the example of being in prison for 8 Super Bowls. I can completely understand his thoughts. However, for me the Super Bowl is way down the list and at the top of the list is Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, one of wife’s birthdays and this coming week I will miss my son and daughter’s birthdays for the first time. There is a wonderful family out there waiting for me and I don’t want to miss these special times anymore. Due to my recovery I will be them, hopefully, in less than a year.