Well Now?

I have been using the term “once again” a great deal over the past week and especially over these past two days because it is the most appropriate way to describe the repetiveness which exits in my daily life. I will use it now; once again yesterday I was relegated to the dormitory all day as there wasn’t any movement. I guess the search continued on the Level 3 yard but there seemed to be enough C/O’s on the yard yesterday as opposed to the day before so we could have a normal “program”. However; for whatever reason we stayed locked inside the dormitory. I don’t mind one day taking off from exercising but two days is pushing my limits. I decided to exercise inside the dormitory. I had to wait until after 11:00 am to start working out because anything before this time is considered “quiet time”. Everyone in the dormitory is very respectful of “quiet time” and I too understand the need for quiet during the hours of 11:00 pm to 11:00 am. If it were up to me I would make “quiet time” between the hours of 10:00 pm and 10:00 am since I normally fall asleep around 10:00 pm. Also, in my opinion there really isn’t any reason for anyone to still be asleep after 10:00 am but I don’t make the rules, I follow them.

When I completed the exercise session I had to wash my clothes which is one of the downsides of working out, but my need to exercise far out weighs my hatred for doing laundry in the bathroom sink. I didn’t mind washing the clothes and I certainly didn’t mind shaving since it makes me feel human. Oh, how I now value the clean and hot shower I took for granted all these years.

Yesterday, unlike Monday, I did make the walk to the dining hall for dinner. I really wasn’t very hungry but decided I needed some vegetables and salad in my diet. Along with these items I received plain pasta noodles and back came the two tubes of peanut butter. It was good to get out of the dorm finally after two days of staying inside. I was also looking forward to night yard so I could call my wife and get outside once again. Evening yard did arrive a little late but I still had time for my telephone call. I hadn’t spoken with my wife since last week and I must have caught her on a down day. She didn’t sound like her jovial self. Also, I wasn’t myself because of having to stay in the dorm for the last 2 days and the uncertainty surrounding the PFT class. My wife did tell me about her birthday dinner last Friday which sounded very nice and very feminine. I am very happy my wife had an opportunity to celebrate her birthday with family and friends because she certainly more than deserved a special celebration.

The phone call ended quickly as usual and then it was time for me to secure a telephone sign up for Thursday, my son’s birthday. As fate would have it I could not secure a slot because they were filled prior to my card being selected. My friend did secure a slot but it is very late 8:45 pm (11:45 pm Eastern Time). I will try to get out tomorrow afternoon and ask the regular tier C/O if I can have an emergency telephone call in order to speak with my son on his birthday.

The evening yard ended and it was back to my dormitory. I was able to fall asleep and awake at my usual time of 5:30 am. I was very anxious when I woke up to see if the rain had started. I was excited as I looked outside and didn’t see any rain. I had a glimmer of hope that the PFT class would be held. The next anxious moment came when I realized we would not be kept inside the dorm like it has been the case for the past 2 days. We would indeed venture out to the dining hall just like regular program.

Upon returning to the dorm I decided to write in order to keep my mind occupied on something other than the impending rain. An hour went by and the C/O unlocked the door for the workers and I went to the door and asked about the PFT class. At first the C/O said “Yes, come outside”. When I heard this I was very happy. However; this happiness lasted only a few seconds as the C/O told me to go back inside after talking with another C/O. He told me the class would start at 11:30 am. While I was waiting one of the Instructors called to me and told me he heard my name announced over the PA system. I made my way toward the yard office and out came my regular tier C/O and told me I needed to put my “blues” on because there was someone here to see me. He didn’t know who - all he knew was I had to change and go out to the Plaza area to meet this person. I entered the visiting room and instead of going left toward the visiting area I made a right and was led into a conference room. This is where I saw the person I knew I was going to see and normally meeting someone from this organization is never a pleasant experience. Well, now this person was supposed to arrive tomorrow so their arrival was somewhat unexpected. Also, I was hoping this person would not show up since I wrote them a letter last week stating the meeting would not amount to much. It looks like my letter meant nothing because this person came anyway and one day early because she was in the area.

Does anyone know who this person is? Actually I was never formally introduced to her nor was I given a business card so she could have been an imposter. She never used her name at all which was odd. Anyhow, the interview started with the nameless lady saying “You do know why I am here.” This was more of a statement then a question; however, I did answer; “You are with the I.R.S.” After I said this she nodded in agreement. She had a yellow notepad and a black pen. She had nothing else, no pre-printed questions, no files, no anything else. I don’t know if she wasn’t allowed to bring these things into the room or she just didn’t have them but I found it rather peculiar. I must say she was very nice, polite, and respectful.

Our meeting/interview lased 15 minutes. Obviously I didn’t have any of the records she requested and she seemed to understand. She appeared to be at the very beginning of my case because she had me tell her about the whole crime. I was very polite and respectful as I recanted the entire case for the thousandth time. She asked a few questions along the way as I spoke and I answered her questions. She did comment to me that she thought I was being “honest” with her and she commended me for this. I thanked her and went into a little bit about my recovery which is based on honesty. She asked a few other questions and as I answered them she took a few notes. She seemed to be fishing for names of others who could have been involved in the crime along with me. I assured her I was the only one involved and now I am suffering the consequences.

The interview ended rather unceremoniously as she ran out of questions. We didn’t shake hands because neither one of us knew the proper prison protocol. As I was walking away I told the nice lady to drive safely and she responded “be safe”. My guess is this will probably be the first and only time I meet this lady. The correspondence will be through the mail and I should expect a rather large bill in the near future. Yes, the interview conjured up things from my past which I would like to bury but I cannot. There are far-reaching consequences of my actions which will keep coming up. I must face the past; leave it there and live for today in order to have a much better tomorrow. I do not want to dwell in the past because it does me no good and has no place in my recovery. I now live an honest life and gone is the deception, my life now is better then it has ever been and keeps on getting better.