Confucius

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall." --Confucius. Obviously Confucius was a very wise man who was born over 2500 years ago. Yes, I would consider what I have done to myself and my family as a failure but I must rise and move forward. Without rising and moving forward through positive purpose life would not have any mean. Living with a positive purpose and cherishing all of the blessings God has bestowed upon me makes life that much better. Also, living life in reality (not fantasy) and being in touch (which means being honest with myself) with myself makes a true life.

The fundamental virtue of Confucianism (say that three times fast!!) is love others. Fairly simple philosophy but sometimes is hard to put into practice. To love others one has to love themselves. How can you give something away that you do not have? Answer; you cannot. Over the past 20 years I have never looked inside myself and did not know the true person. I had an idea of who I wanted to be but I didn't know who I was. (Make sense?) Over the past 8 months I have looked inside honestly and truthfully; and I am starting to discover who I am. I know what I am not so now I have to work on what I am.

Some of the tenets of Confucianism are benevolence, charity, humanity, love and kindness. This works both ways internally and externally. I have to be these things to myself before I can give these gifts away. Self-worth is not determined by how much money I have in the bank it is determined by how I value my self. I am getting better and have a long way to go. I have so much more to learn and this will never stop as each day passes I learn more and more. I am enlightened by how much I continue to learn. Once I stop learning I stop living this is why I choose to learn something one day at a time.

Yesterday's article "Gambling Obsession Hurts Entire Family" is so true. My wife and children have been hurt by MY compulsive gambling actions. This is one of the horrible side effects of compulsive gambling. Not only does the compulsive gambler ruin their life but the lives of their loved ones. In many cases the loved ones leave the compulsive gambler and rightfully so. But in other cases the loved ones support the compulsive gambler. Thank God in my case my loved ones have supported me through this horrible ordeal. Every day I thank God for these wonderful people because without them my life would not exist. I thank everyone for standing by me through this terrible time. I will get through this and be the person I am destined to be because my life was awakened some 8 months ago.

Also in the article yesterday I referred to what is manageable. Manageable to me in regards to my compulsive gambling is to not a place a wager today; this is how I manage my obsession. I know there are many theories which may suggest "responsible" gambling but in my case "responsible" would soon turn into "irresponsible" in a blink of an eye. I now know one of my limitations which is to not gamble today and everything else will take care of itself.

I cannot think of yesterday only to put it in its proper context and who knows what tomorrow will bring so today is my most precious commodity along with all of my blessings. I am so thankful to have failed miserably because I would still be wondering around in the abyss of my life. This abyss did have a bottom and I am so glad I found it. I continue to rise after this miserable failure and this rise finally has substance.