Dreams

My son maybe the happiest person on the face of this earth. He always has a smile on his face and even when he gets into trouble he still has this smile. Sometimes it is very difficult to discipline him because he is so darn happy. He is even happy when he is half asleep. My wife has gotten him into the habit of waking him up before she and I go to bed. He still wears a pull-up (kid diaper) when he goes to sleep because he has a habit of not being able to get up and go to the bathroom and my wife was very tired of changing his sheets. Every evening before my wife and I go to bed she wakes up my son and takes him to the bathroom. Most people are little annoyed when they are woken up like my daughter but not my son. He walks half asleep to the bathroom does his business and always gives me a smile which makes my heart melt. He is so very precious and I love him so very much.

In Gamblers Anonymous I have heard many people say they have "gambling dreams" when they first enter the Program. I haven't had any gambling dreams when I first entered the Program maybe because I was pre-occupied with my other situation because I had many "other" type dreams. Usually these dreams had to do with my previous employment and people who I worked with. Last night was my first "gambling dream" and it was very vivid.

I was in a car going to a convenience store to get milk and bread but for some reason this convenience store was very far from my house and it was in a wooded area. I pulled up to the convenience store to find it was closed. I pulled my car around to the back of the store in a very wooded area and for some reason decided to call a bookie to place a bet. I dialed the telephone number, spoke to someone and started to place my bets. As I was placing my bets I kept hearing the voices of my son and daughter. I don't know what they were saying but I heard there voices quite clearly. As I put the bets in the voices kept getting louder and louder. I couldn't concentrate on my bets and I finally told the bookie to cancel all of my bets. I looked around my car for my children and they weren't there. Their voices were in my head and thank God they were.

I know this was only a dream but at least my subconscious is starting to get my recovery. Early on in my recovery I had a very wise man with 5 years of abstinence from gambling tell me; "every time you think about placing a wager you think about your family and what you are taking away from them as you place that wager and don't make that wager". As I was trying to place the wager in my dream I heard the voices of my children which stopped me from getting on that slippery slope to death.

My 20 plus years of gambling I didn't have these thoughts in fact I had no thoughts; I just placed wagers without fear of the consequences. There are some very significant consequences for me to gambling again and the most significant one would be losing my family. This is not a risk I am willing to take. Today marks eight months from my last wager and it really has been an incredible eight months. I look forward to many more and I know the road to getting there is paved one day at a time.