Two for the Money

After the Conference ended this morning my wife and I continued our anniversary weekend. Our wonderful friends were so kind to watch our children for the weekend (THANK YOU!!) so we decided to make today a day for ourselves after checking out of the hotel. First we had a lovely breakfast and then we decided to go the movies. I am very finicky when it comes to going to the movies and this is why I don't see many movies. There is a movie out on sports gambling called Two for the Money starring Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey. When I saw the previews for this movie a few weeks ago I was intrigued but I was worried if I did see it would it bring back the old feeling or would it bring back bad memories? Since my wife really wanted to go to the movies and this is probably one of the only movies I sort of wanted to see we decided to go see it.

My quick review; it was a so-so movie and I would give it a B-. Al Pacino is a fantastic actor and as always gave an outstanding performance; his performance was very reminiscent of his character in the Devil's Advocate where he played the DEVIL; in fact the story of both movies are almost interchangeable. Matthew McConaughey did a very good job as well but his performance didn't seem like a stretch for him; I would expect the character in the movie and his "real life" personality to be the same.

Enough of the quick review on to a few points from the movie. There were three points in the movie that compulsive gamblers would really understand; one; Al Pacino's character is a recovering compulsive gambler who sell sports selections which means his company "tries" to give out point spread winners on college and pro football games. Matthew McConaughey character picks the winners but does not bet because he once lost everything he had on one bet a few years ago and has not bet since.

One of the scenes has Al Pacino going to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting and he makes a great point in relation to a fellow member's therapy. The fellow member was talking about how gambling has ruined his life and he is in debt up to his ears. Al Pacino tells this member he doesn't have a gambling problem he has a "mental problem' he is a lemon just like everyone else in the room including Al Pacino. Of course the scene is a bit over the top and Al Pacino's character gets kicked out of the meeting because he gets recognized as the point spread picking king but the point he was making is very valid. Yes, gambling appears to be the problem but if I am not open and honest enough with myself I will continue down the road to ruin. If I get help and continue working the GA program like it is meant to work I have a chance at a full and purposeful life.

Another point in the movie is that compulsive gamblers want to lose to punish themselves. Al Pacino's character takes this concept about as far as you can without killing himself. All aspects of his life is spent teetering on the edge even though in theory he is not gambling but he is still seeking the high gambling gave him 18 years ago when he quit gambling and joined Gamblers Anonymous. The third and final point was a statement made by Al Pacino's character when he was talking about the "high" of any addiction; to paraphrase; "the anticipation of the turn of the card, the passing of the dice, the spin of the slot machine and beginning of the sporting event gives you the greatest rush/high of any drug". This means it is not the actual turn of the card, spin of the slot machine, the outcome of the craps table or the final score of the football game it is right before all this happens the high is produced.

For me this was so true; I spent each day for the past 7 years waiting for the lines to come out and scouting those lines for the games I was going to bet, this is where I got the high from not the final score or the game the anticipation of the bet. In fact sometimes I didn't even care who won or lost the game I just new tomorrow would bring the new rush and I craved this rush for all of my adult life. I had to be "cracked open" to finally discover I was a "lemon" and could no longer live this way. I am so grateful to have found Gamblers Anonymous to finally learn about my gambling behavior. I know if I saw this movie last year before all of my "problems" I would have denied all of those points in the movie because I was so good at lying to myself that I believed everything was fine. Denial is a vice and the truth will set me free.

After seeing the movie I didn't have a sense of woe is me but it did bring back those old gambling memories. These old gambling memories were examined with openness and honesty. It made me realize what a "lemon" I really am and as long as I continue working the Program and living honestly I have a chance at arresting this disease. I must continue this thought process one day at time and continue working the steps in my recovery. Life has gotten so much better in the last seven months and I thank God I was "cracked open" to finally I realize I have a problem and need help. Without getting "cracked open" I would have kept living a life of denial and the people in my life I love so very much would have disappeared. The last seven months have been an awakening and I am blessed to experience everything life has to offer.