Happy Thanksgiving 2006

This is the first time I have been separated on Thanksgiving from my wife and children since my daughter was born over eight years ago. Unfortunately, I couldn’t even call them today because the yard closed 15 minute prior to making the phone call. Apparently, on major holidays the afternoon yard closes an hour earlier than normal. It would have been nice to know this when I signed up, but now I’ll know better. My wife and children are with my wife’s family for Thanksgiving dinner and I am sure they are having a wonderful time. On days like today I can’t help but to think about my family and how much I miss them. I miss them dearly and yesterday I received pictures of my family which were sent by my wife. I have one of the pictures - which is of all three of them sitting in a pumpkin patch - taped to the bunk so everyday when I wake up and go to sleep, I give them a kiss.

My children are growing up very quickly and by the time I get to see them – hopefully they will visit next summer – they will continue to grow. The pictures were very beautiful and they are doing very well in NJ. Their lives are continuing in a loving and caring environment.

I have so much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving in spite of residing inside the CDC. I am thankful for my recovery which has been provided by the wonderful GA Program. I am thankful for my wife because she truly is a magnificent person and I owe the world to her. I am thankful for my daughter and son because they are outstanding children and I am so blessed to have them in my life. I am thankful for my mother who has shown nothing but love and support through this horrible ordeal. I am thankful for my mother-in-law because she has opened her home and her heart to my wife and children. I am thankful for all my family members – especially my younger sister - because they have been there for my family and me in this difficult time. I am thankful for all my friends for their generosity, support, love, and teaching me the meaning of the word friend. Despite my current lot, I am a blessed person because there is so much positive in my life and I look forward to each and everyday as I move with a positive purpose. I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

I forgot to mention a critical item regarding yesterday’s post. I didn’t mention that one of the participants in the PFT class also works in the kitchen and he was the one to give me the additional food. The CO did take care of me but this inmate took it upon himself to give me the extra helpings. I saw him in class yesterday afternoon and he asked me about dinner and when he told me he was the one to arrange my tray I thanked him profusely! The same thing happened last night but instead of going up for an additional tray, my original tray was loaded with rice, beans, and vegetables. Even the jello dessert slot was overflowing all because this same inmate from the PFT class had arranged my tray once
again. I was so full from eating all the beans and rice I had to give away my jello. I guess being a little visible does have its perks. As long as the inmate continues fixing my tray, I won’t go hungry.

Today was an official day off for me and it felt weird not having to go to early chow. It felt strange having to dress up in my blues instead of the sweats in order to go to breakfast. My uniform of sweats is acceptable to wear to breakfast when I am working out, but otherwise I must wear the standard prison “blues” just like everyone else. I woke up at 5:00 am but stayed in my bunk until 6:15 because there was no rush to go anywhere. I attended breakfast with my dorm mates and we received a “special” breakfast of coffee cake and oatmeal with a banana. I guess this is considered a “special” treat for Thanksgiving. My piece of coffee cake was about half the size of everyone else’s and one of my neighbors was kind enough to switch pieces with me. I ate (all about the calories) all the coffee cake which was no where near as good as the one served at the reception center and once I was given the piece by my neighbor I had to eat it.

According to the menu, lunch for everyone was supposed to be peanut butter and jam but being Thanksgiving everyone was given a special lunch. This was some kind of meat stuck inside an oversized dinner roll. My vegetarian lunch was Fritos, oatmeal cookies, French roll, and a piece of American cheese. I inquired of the CO who is responsible for giving out the lunches as to what the special lunch was. He told me the unknown meal is tofu. I took one of these but I couldn’t bring myself to eat it because it looked really nasty. I traded it away for a soup and besides that I have enough extra peanut butter and jam to last awhile. Now I am currently waiting for the “special” Thanksgiving meal which is being served an hour earlier.

This morning was strange, but I used the time to write three letters and it continues to amaze me how writing helps pass the time. My supply of writing paper is dwindling and I have to get some more. I started around 9:00 am and when I was done it was well after 11:00 am. Then it was time to go out for afternoon yard. I need to mention something about one of the letters I wrote this morning. This letter was to my unexpected pen-pal and the letters I receive from this person are extremely thought provoking. I do enjoy them because they seem to always have something in them that is insightful to me. I am experiencing things I have never thought I would yet it does seem to be working out for the best. The true test will come when my time has been served and I am back in the real world. But I know if I can get through this period of lows in my life I can get through anything. All of this has been possible due to my recovery.


Also, I would be remiss in mentioning my wife who sent a hard copy of the Los Angeles Times article written by Ashley Powers. The hard copy version which appeared in the newspaper had a different title than the internet version. The title was “Gambler Bets on Leniency”. There was no bet or leniency or my recovery would be a sham. My hope that the judge would see me as a person, not a folder on his desk and when he did not, it really didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because I still had my recovery which has saved my life. I believe the author missed the most important aspect of my entire case which is my recovery. I will not rehash what I have written on this subject in the past because it wouldn’t make any difference. The article has been written and my news cycle has officially ended but my recovery lives on.

Getting back to my day~ I went out this afternoon and joined the two lead instructors for an impromptu workout session. The skies were very sunny but the temperature was only in the upper 50’s with a significant breeze. We did the workout and after we finished I realized how much cold weather affects me. I don’t like cold weather and I especially don’t like windy conditions when it comes to running. You can call me a fair weather runner especially when it is windy. I was thinking about running but after doing a mile in our impromptu workout I knew I had to do something else. Again, I did the Harvard Steps for an hour and 12 minutes. I had no idea stepping up onto a small wall would be such good exercise but it seems to be a great workout without all the pounding running can cause.

When I was on the Harvard Steps I found out the yard was closing an hour earlier due to the holiday. This is when I realized I would not be able to speak with my wife on Thanksgiving for the first time in 24 years. My wife does understand that there are times when even though I have a scheduled phone call there are events out of my control which prevent me from making the call. Unfortunately, today was one of those days. I will sign up tomorrow to try to call her on Sunday morning, but due to the fact that my wife has no idea when I will call next, she may not be available. If this does happen, I will try again on a different day until I reach her. My planning for the telephone call will be better on Christmas Day, but again who knows will happen.

I have one more Thanksgiving to get through without sharing it with my family. It wasn’t a horrible day, it was just another day. The only difference with today was many inmates were wishing one another “Happy Thanksgiving”. I have given and received a few of these today.

I am doing my best in this situation and in many ways everything is working out very well. However, being separated from my family is very difficult especially on family holidays like today. I was hoping to at least hear their voices but that didn’t happen. I will have to settle for looking at their pictures I have received from my wife and mother. I had no idea how precious it was to hear their voices or to give them a hug and a kiss or just to see them but now I know because all of this has been taken away. This is only one of hopefully many more Thanksgiving Days. I do plan on being with my family after my release date and spending each day giving thanks to them for their incredible love and support. I love and miss them so much. I hope they had a great Thanksgiving in Jersey.