Loose Ends

Today marks four months exactly since my sentencing date which means I have 20 months (give or take a few for fire camp) left to serve on my sentence. The four months also means the judge cannot change his mind regarding my sentence - not that he would have anyway. The judge had 12 weeks to recall me if he thought my sentence was too harsh as he did with the lady (DUI) who killed a motorcyclist and permanently injured the passenger - who was the wife. The judge who is the same one I had did recall the lady and sentenced her to probation thus eliminating her original 2 year sentence he imposed. There never was “not” going to be a reprieve for me from the judge but today officially marks me a ward of CDC solely.

The four months have gone by relatively quickly since I was transferred here. The first month in the county jail stood still because I was unable to do anything other than read and write. I have no idea how some inmates serve two and three years in the county jail because time stands still. Once I was transferred to the reception center and I started working in the kitchen time started to move rather quickly. Even though I am currently not working I am hoping to hear something tomorrow. I am able to make the most of my days by exercising and I have developed a routine.

Last night I read a weeks worth of USA Today. It was from a week ago but that is the closest to current newspapers I have read in four months. Of course, many of the articles had to do with the upcoming election which has already past but it was good to read again! USA Today is perfect to catch up news because it gives the little snippets from across the country and all of the articles are short and concise. It is like reading “Cliff Notes” for current news, business, sports, and life sections. I still read the sports section but my focus has changed dramatically. I no longer study the box scores and the statistics. I do read the human interest and media stories. There is a whole other world to sports which I neglected due to my compulsive gambling addiction. When I was reading the newspaper my legs were not shaking like they did some 20 months ago. God knows I have a great deal of idle time inside a place like this. Thanks to my recovery I have found many ways to pass that time which does not include gambling.

This brings me to something I have been saving since I arrived here over three weeks ago. It was my first day. Some of the inmates who I came with on the bus from the reception center were introducing me to other inmates they knew from previous terms. It sure seems like I am the only first-term inmate. I am sure there are others but they are rare. I was introduced to one of “Key” inmates who also happens to be from near where I used to live in Southern Cal which instantly made me a “homeboy” with this inmate. I don’t really like to use the word “hate” so I will use dislike. I strongly dislike this “moniker” of homeboy but it is one of the prison things which I will not go up against. Just because I used to live in an area near this inmate, I am required to be friends with him. The only things we have in common is the fact that we are both inmates. However, in prison there is strength in number and this strength has to come from somewhere. Sorry about the digression, but I truly don’t like some of the monikers but I do grin and bear it.

Back to the “key” inmate ~ he was speaking to me giving me the layout of the land (so to speak) He said to me – (please keep in mind I have never met this person before) If you want alcohol, tobacco, or drugs I can get it for you.” Then he added, “The only thing I ask is for you not to run up your gambling debts especially to other races because this can get you into a lot of trouble. I nodded and thanked him. We then parted ways. I thought to myself how in prison gambling debts are worse than doing drugs and I thought his advice was very sound. Certainly I have no intention of gambling – thanks to my recovery – and I also thought it a bit ironic that doing drugs is acceptable but gambling excessively is not!

Over the course of the past three weeks since this conversation, I have minded my own business and have become the “guy who runs all those laps” which is a good thing. I have also observed a great deal over this period and I am amazed as to what goes on. I guess it goes back to the concept of “where there is a will there is way”. Some of these things are a bit unrealistic but it is the realty of prison. Things that are not supposed to go on - do go on and it is almost impossible to stop them. The poor CO’s can only do so much and many of them are working so much mandatory overtime they are exhausted and don’t have the energy. I do my best to mind my own business and go about my “program” everyday. I am enjoying that and also enjoy learning from my temporary environment. This is a key fact that this is only temporary and when my sentence is complete my realty starts anew with my beloved family. I certainly can’t wait for this reality to start but I do know it will be here very soon.

I know someone is watching over me because last night after I lamented about my mattress situation, the CO came into the dorm and called two of my dorm mates out. When they returned they were carrying two brand new mattresses. Unfortunately, they were for the two inmates. They needed to do something with their old mattresses – one was given to another dorm mate and the other was given to me! I was sitting on my bunk and the inmate with the new mattress asked me if I wanted his old mattress. I gratefully jumped at the chance even though it was not a new mattress; it was more cushioning because I place it on top of my old mattress. The “new-old” mattress was much thicker than my old one, so by combining the two I have much more comfort and support. I did receive a very restful sleep with my new mattress combination. It is not quite as thick as the new mattress but it is certainly better than what I had. I guess someone was listening to my bellyaching and I am very thankful. Sometimes its very strange how things continue to turn out in spite of the little obstacles.

I do have faith each day that everything will continue to workout very well because I am trying my best. This is all I can do and I do try as best as I can. Maybe all these good things are coincidence but I choose to believe it is all part of the plan. The saying in GA is, “You do good things and good things will happen.” I firmly believe and I am finally doing good things. I certainly did bad things and bad things have happened to me but as long as I continue to work my recovery, I will try and do fine things everyday.
I had yet another telephone call scheduled this morning but I couldn’t reach anyone. I tried but no one was home then I tried to reach my mother at my sister’s house to no avail. Unfortunately, I cannot call cell phones on the weekend. I can only call landlines and no one seemed available this morning. I scheduled a call for Tuesday morning which I may or may not be able to place depending on the conversation with the Coach tomorrow morning. If I start the Instructor job then I will not be able to call and I will have to wait until Thursday evening. I should be happy if I get to speak with my wife once a week and I need to get used to the idea that this is a good thing. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like enough but there are letters. Also, I would like to speak with my mother once a week but this is all dependent on so many variables so I will settle for every other week. Whatever the case at least I get to hear their voices. I do know the holidays are fast approaching and hopefully I will get to speak with my family on these days. I know it’s going to get exceedingly difficult as these holidays approach but presumably I will have only one other holiday season to get through after this or before I get to spend a lifetime of holidays with my family.