Marbles

Yesterday was our tier’s turn to go out into the yard. I have only gone out into the yard a few times because the times I had a telephone call scheduled I was denied entrance by the CO due to my status. According to the paperwork I received last week my status has been updated thus making me eligible for the evening yard. I was thinking about going out for the night yard as a change of pace. However, when I was walking back from dinner I noticed the air was chilly (probably in the upper 40’s) and I thought I really had no reason to go outside so I decided to stay in and read. The real clincher came when I was speaking with one of my dorm mates about books. I mentioned I needed another one and I was looking for a James Patterson novel. My dorm mate had a novel by him and when we got back he gave it to me.

As I started reading THE FOUR BLIND MICE, I knew there was no way I was going outside now. I was getting into the book and I had read for two hours straight because his books are very good and so hard to put down. I needed to rest my eyes because the lighting in the dorm is sub-standard at best and my eyes certainly needed a break. I forced myself to put the book down and close my eyes for 15 minutes and fell asleep. In these 15 minutes, a fight broke out in the yard between a few inmates – good thing I didn’t go outside. Of course I missed all the excitement – thankfully – because I was asleep. By the time I woke up the excitement was over and I had to find this out second hand.

I have seen a few fights in my four months of being incarcerated and the worst was the first one. Even though I didn’t see the fight this evening none of the paranoia or concern which were very present early on was there tonight. Maybe I am getting used to my surroundings and the fights – which thankfully have been few and far between – are just another one of those things I have no control over and I am no longer stressing about. I was happy to have missed all the commotion and I had no desire to inquire about the it because it certainly had nothing to do with me.

The dorm was abuzz when everyone came back from the yard but I just sat on my bunk and read my book which was so good I finished it today. Mr Patterson is a great author and tells a story so well. He doesn’t waste words and his books move so quickly. I am very impressed by his novels and now I am looking for more. According to the book jacket, he has written 23 novels – maybe more because this has a copyright date of 2002. I have read his books somewhat out of sequence but it really doesn’t matter because each novel stands on its own even though the central character – Alex Cross – is the same. My eyes are open for more of his books.

The positive thing about waking up early each morning is that I am very tired by 10:30 pm and fall asleep quickly. I don’t stay asleep for long because the CO’s come into the dorm at 11:00 pm for count. There are three counts: one at 4:15 pm where we have to sit up so they know we are alive, 9:05 pm again we have to sit up for the same reason, and the final one at 11:00 pm when we can be lying down. Even though I don’t have to sit up for this count, I seem to always wake up only to fall back asleep a few minutes later. My bunk is not comfortable and I did request a new mattress two weeks ago. I was told it takes “awhile” and the CO will let me know when it comes in. The one I currently have is about an inch thick (or thin) and it is like lying on the floor. I managed to get a pillow which isn’t so bad and at least my head is somewhat comfortable. Thankfully, I am exercising and tired at night so I can sleep. This may sound like I am complaining (sorry) but there are several dorm mates who have two mattress on their bunks which makes a big difference. I was told when - if? – I get my new one to place it on top of my existing one for extra comfort. Everything in prison is done on a first come first serve basis and I arrived to this dorm three weeks ago which is certainly not the first.

Waking up this morning was a bit unusual because the sun was not shining as it normally does. The sky was very overcast and there was a threat of rain. Unfortunately, due to the darkness I couldn’t read my book and didn’t really want to watch TV. Saturday and Sunday mornings is Spanish speaking television – which kind of drives me nuts and I wasn’t interested in watching. So I fiddled around with my radio and found a news radio station out of San Francisco. I laid in my bunk catching up on the news. When I was a kid I loved to play around with my clock radio especially at night and try to find far away radio stations. I do remember receiving a baseball game out of St. Louis one summer in NJ. But the farthest out of area, I received was Los Angeles! It only happened once, I guess the stars were aligned that night and I listened to a Dodger’s game. I don’t know why but I was always fascinated by receiving out of area stations, even now as an adult. Maybe this is why I was hooked on XM Satellite radio when it first came out.

It rained this morning and it was cool – in the upper 50’s. In James Patterson’s book, there is one passage which refers to “marbles in a jar” as it relates to life. An older character was giving advice to the lead character because he was always working on Saturdays and neglecting his children. The reference was having only so many Saturdays in a lifetime especially when reaching the age of 45 and to make the best of these days. The older character placed a jar with 1200 marbles – statistically the number of Saturdays left in a 45 year old’s lifetime. When Saturday was over he would take one out and place it in the empty jar. He was told to do this for every Saturday because one day he will run out of marbles and what would he have to show for it? The point was to make every marble count. I thought this was an excellent analogy. Unfortunately, I am losing a few marbles – no pun intended – while I am away from my family. I intend to not only make every Saturday count but to make everyday count. I have tried over the past 20 months to make each day a positive one thanks to my recovery. There is no way I can make up for all those lost marbles because they are gone forever. God willing I have a few marbles left and I will make the most out of all of them. When they are gone, hopefully, I will be able to continue to enjoy whatever life has in store. I do look forward to using my marbles wisely and embracing everyday as a new day especially when it comes to my family.

This afternoon it was time for yard and just in time because the rain had stopped. The skies were still overcast and the air had a bit of chill in it. I went outside in my shorts and sweatshirt. I started to jog and it felt great because the weather was so cool. I wanted to do 12 miles which equals to 36 laps around the track. Somewhere around mile 6 something happened and my jogging turned into running. As I ran, there are usually a few other inmates who are jogging as well but no one jogs as long as I do. They may run faster for a lap or two but always seem to stop. This afternoon around mile six another inmate was running at a good pace and somewhere inside me my competitiveness kicked in. I decided to catch up to him and run in front for as long as I could. This didn’t last long because after this inmate’s second lap he stopped but I continued at the pace for the remainder of my run. I did indeed make the 12 miles; in fact, I ran 37 laps which equals 12.3 miles. I didn’t take off my sweatshirt the entire time of my run and I really felt very good. I finished the run in about an hour and 34 minutes (thanks to my trusty “girl” watch) which is nowhere near my fast times but it was certainly good considering the condition.

I do get a great deal of looks when I am running and most of them are in disbelief. After I finished, I saw some of the inmates I have become friendly with and I must say they are very nice to me. One had just gone to the store (I am still waiting because my money has yet to be transferred from the reception center, hopefully this week I can go). He gave me some soups and a jar of peanut butter. I also received some more soup from another inmate so I have to stop being so selfish about my food. Heck, it is only food and if someone needs something I will give it to him. I was very territorial about my tortilla chips and wheat thins but I was just being foolish. I was wrong not sharing my food and I promptly admit my mistake. Each day seems filled with surprises and these surprises have been very pleasant.