Somehow Someway

The “mail call” came yesterday and I received three pieces of mail from three different individuals. One was from my mom which was a very nice letter informing me on a few daily events with my children and wife. Another was from the “normal” inmate who I befriended at the reception center. I did send him a letter a few weeks and I was hoping he was finally transferred but as of the date of the letter, October 30th he was not. I saw an inmate who I met back at the reception center who recently arrived here and he told me the “normal” inmate did receive his transfer last week. He could not recall where he was going, but I am very happy to learn he has finally been transferred. The third letter was from an old dear friend and was exceptional. I am so blessed to be surrounded by wonderful amazing people such as this exceptional friend. The words in the letter were magnificent and after I read it I had learned something about myself and this blog.

The writer of the letter pointed out (very astutely I may add) the need for me to keep writing this blog because I need an outlet for my recovery. The writer went on to state that I currently do not have the ability to attend any Gamblers Anonymous meetings and this blog acts as my sharing/therapy. This is very true and I sort of knew this but as I read the letter the words really resonated with me. Without this blog my time away and my recovery would be very difficult. Currently the only outlet for my recovery is myself. There weren’t any Programs available nor is there any compulsive gambling counseling. Thankfully, I have been given a very solid foundation in the Gamblers Anonymous Program and events though meetings are currently unavailable I will continue to work my recovery each and everyday with a positive purpose. Every time I receive a letter it is always special and yesterday it was extra special.

After doing basically nothing yesterday except for writing, I decided to join many of my dorm mates in the television area or some TV viewing. Monday Night TV consists of Prison Break (still the favorite among inmates everywhere!) and Heroes. I have only seen “Prison Break” once before and that was only half the show so I am a little lost on what is going on. I was a little disinterested, but I wanted to keep my seat for Heroes which was coming on next. I have watched most of the season of Heroes and I must say it is a very original show. Where it goes from here I have no idea but it is very interesting. Towards the end of “Prison Break” the ducats were handed out for the following day. I still had some hope of receiving the Instructor ducat but it truly was a very faint hope. A whole group of ducats were passed out but there was none for me. Then two minutes later another group of ducats was passed out and again I did not receive any. Two more minutes went by and one more ducat was passed through the window and yes, it was for me informing me of starting the Instructor position first thing this morning. Can you say WHEW!? and Yey!!!?

Somehow someway even though I did not speak with the “Coach” yesterday I finally received the ducat. Someone is certainly looking out for me and I am so grateful. When this ducat was passed to me to say I was excited would be an understatement, I was elated and a big broad smile appeared on my face. According to the ducat I was to report at 6:30 in the morning and the actual hours of the position are 6:30 am to 2:30 pm. However, from my observations I have not seen the Instructors start until 7:30 am due to the unlock procedures. Whatever the case I was starting the job I have wanted since I learned I couldn’t be a clerk.

A quick transition to something totally unrelated and I will get back to the Instructor position very shortly. As I was listening to news radio last night before the television programs started I heard a report on a lawsuit which was filed regarding the overcrowding of the California prisons. This lawsuit was filed by the same group of attorneys who were successful with their lawsuit regarding the medical woes of the California Prison system. In the current lawsuit they contend the overcrowding is putting the medical system under duress. Also the overcrowding needs to be addressed now and these should only be 100,000 inmates not 173,000 inmates on the system. The lawsuit stated the overcrowding is cruel and unusual punishment because adequate medical care cannot be administered. What happens from here is anyone’s guess and how this affects me who knows. I do believe something will be done in regard to the prison overcrowding but it probably won’t happen until well after my release date. I figure my attorney’s other embezzlement client who was first given probation but violated that probation and will be (or has I am not sure) given a term of ten years. Most likely something will be done about the overcrowding when this person is serving his sentence and he will be released early, which would probably mean he would serve a term shorter than mine. It is just my theory and believe it or not this doesn’t matter to me at all. Whatever happens will happen and I know as long as I continue to work my recovery life will be great.

Back to my Instructor story, last night it rained very hard but the forecast called for the rain to stop last night. This is important because if it rains very hard there isn’t a training class which means I would have to wait another day to start my new job. I needed to get a good night’s sleep but I was still very excited so falling asleep was more difficult than usual. I did fall asleep after 11:00 pm and woke up around 4:30 am. When I woke up I looked at the window and couldn’t see two feet into the yard because of the fog. Immediately, I thought “great, the training class will be cancelled due to fog.” I did return to my bunk but I stayed awake for the next hour and a half. Much to my surprise I watched the fog recede little by little and by 6:00 am the visibility improved. I got out of my bunk at this time in order to get ready. I was hoping to attend an early breakfast so I could get to the training class as soon as possible. Some days early breakfast is available and some days it is not. This all depends on the C/O’s schedule. This morning there wasn’t any early breakfast and when the C/O came to give us our breakfast unlock she informed all of us that we had to return directly back to the dormitory for an emergency count due to the fog. (Apparently, this count happens often especially due to the fog. It was very foggy and losing an inmate was a distinct possibility. The C/O’s needed to ensure everyone was present and accounted.) So much for me starting my new position early. After breakfast I returned directly to the dormitory for the emergency count. I returned at 8:00 am and waited until 9:15 am for the emergency count. Now it was getting to a point where I was truly wondering if there would be a training class this morning. The fog receded completely but the task of completing the count was delaying everything this morning.

Finally a little past 10:00 am the C/O provided an unlock for workers and today was my first day as an actual worker. I went over to the basketball court where the training class is held and met up with the other instructors. I was told I needed to see the “Coach” who was in his office which is located inside the gymnasium. Of course, gymnasiums inside the California Department of Corrections are no longer gymnasiums they are dormitories but the “Coach” did maintain an actual office away from where all the bunks are placed. I went into the gym and headed for the “Coach’s” office. (This is only the second time I have been inside the gym. The first time was on the day I arrived. I didn’t really observe the conditions back then but today as I looked around I realized how fortunate I am to be placed in an actual 36 man dormitory not the 300 man gym-dormitory, yet another example of someone looking out for me.) When I got to the “Coach’s” office I was informed he was not there but would be arriving shortly. I was going back outside because quite frankly I didn’t want to spend anymore time inside the gym/dorm then I had to and as soon as I got to the door the “Coach” was coming inside. We greeted each other and I accompanied him back to his office. I filled out some paperwork and we had some small talk. One of the questions he asked me was my age and when I told him I was 41 he said, “I hope your testerone level has peaked”. I told him he won’t have to worry about this because I have an even keeled personality. He just smiled and handed me my “uniform”. The uniform consists of one pair of sweat pants, one sweatshirt, three tee shirts, three shorts and one pair of brand new New Balance Hi-Top Black Basketball shoes. (Not sure why I was given basketball shoes when we do a great deal of power walking and jogging. It may have something to do with durability because I have to give all these items back when I am transferred to fire camp.) All of the shirts and pants are a plum color which says “PFT Instructor.” Now there is no way to hide on the yard because there are only 7 of us who wear these garments. So much for my invisible/visible plan of action, I stick out like a sore thumb. It does not matter because I realized that no matter how much I try to be invisible in a place like this it is next to impossible. No matter what I am wearing I stick out like a sore thumb anyway. The fact that I finally got this position is a very good thing in my book and now I have a definitive routine Monday through Friday.

After adorning my new uniform, the “Coach” led me outside where the class had just started their two mile power walk. I quickly caught up to them and joined the walk. I was a little lost during the class because no one was giving me any direction. I was observing and listening to the other instructors. This was Day 2 of 8 day training class and even though I didn’t do much other than the power walking and jogging the 3 hours flew by. This afternoon was the daily training class which I am very familiar with. I was standing in front of the group for the first time and it felt good. I won’t get an opportunity to lead the class until a few weeks from now and I will be patient. They want to ease me in which is fine by me. I was told I would be responsible for all the jogging and running because the other instructors know my endless jogging routine. I look forward to doing whatever is asked of me because I am very happy to be doing something. Thankfully, this something is also productive. I am all about being productive because the 11 cents an hour won’t go too far even in a place like this. Yes, that is correct the position pays 11 cents an hour for the first 90 days and goes up to a whopping 17 cents an hour after 90 days. Also, due to my restitution order the prison will deduct 55% of this wage literally leaving me with pennies. Again, none of this matters. I used to make six figures and now I am making practically nothing, but I am finally at peace with myself thanks to my recovery and this is what matters most.