Nothing Day

I had a great deal of hope when I woke up this morning (the key word is had!) at 6:00 am. I brushed my teeth and got dressed and headed toward the television area to watch the news. I watched a little over an hour then it was time for breakfast. My dormitory is directly across the yard from the dining hall, however, there is no cutting across the yard because everyone must walk counter clockwise around the track when entering and exiting the dining hall. My dormitory gains neither advantage nor disadvantage because it is the same distance walking clockwise or counter clockwise, it resides directly in the middle of all the dormitories. As I headed toward the dining hall past the basketball courts where the physical firefighting training is held, I kept a close watch for the “Coach”. I was anxious to see him so I could inquire about my status in becoming an instructor. Unfortunately as I passed this area the “Coach” was no where to be seen. I could not “hang out” and wait for him because the C/O’s have a no loitering (no matter the reason) policy this time in the morning.

I kept going into the dining hall. This morning’s breakfast of a fruit Danish, oatmeal, grape juice and non-fat milk had many inmates complaining. They were complaining because the Danish was rather small and most of them (excluding me) are not crazy about the oatmeal. As I do every morning I traded away one part of my breakfast (the fruit Danish) for more oatmeal and fruit juice. This meal did not bother me because it is what I eat just about everyday but the portion of oatmeal even when doubled up seemed a bit skimpy. I finished my breakfast and headed back outside. An interesting thing happened as I exited the dining hall. The C/O who inspects everyone when they exit the dining hall stopped me and asked me to raise my right pant leg. (Some inmates place the apple or banana in their sock underneath their pant leg, this is what the C/O was looking for in my pant leg.) I was so startled when he stopped me (because this the first time it has happened) I lifted my left pant leg. As soon as I lifted my left leg I instantly apologized and lifted my right pant leg to reveal my sock without any fruit attached. The C/O did thank me and apologized for the brief inconvenience. This was fine and I certainly was not put off because he was doing his job. I guess my four inch cuffs from my double X pants were bulging more so than usual which is why he stopped me. I have observed this C/O a few other times and it seems when he stops inmates he usually finds something but not on me. I had two peanut butter packets in my back pocket which didn’t concern him at all. The emphasis is on the fruit because it can be turned into “Pruno” (alcohol) and I haven’t heard peanut butter being turned into “Pruno” so I was safe.

After this little surprise, I walked outside and turned my attention to the basketball court in search of the “Coach”. Again I didn’t see him but I thought I saw another “civilian” (not an inmate or C/O) standing near the instructor and I thought to myself maybe the “Coach” is on vacation. I was hoping this was not the case because I really wanted to find out my status today and not have to wait another week. I made it back around to my dormitory and the “Coach” was nowhere in sight. Again I couldn’t wait for him outside the dormitory because this is prohibited so I went back. Even though it was not my tier’s turn for morning yard the C/O who works on Mondays is very cool and has always let me out when I tell him I want to do the training class. While I was inside I changed into my workout attire (shorts, running shoes, tee shirt, and sweat shirt) and waited patiently for the morning yard to open. It was now time for the yard to be opened and the C/O came to the dormitory to give us an unlock. When the door opened, I asked the C/O if I could get outside so I could attend the training class. The C/O said, “No, because the yard will not be opened this morning and there will not be a training class.”

When I heard this news I was extremely disappointed because this time I was able to spot the “Coach” and was looking forward to speaking with him. Also, I so wanted to workout this morning because the weather was again very cool and overcast which is great for running. Of course my disappointment turned into hope because I thought I would be able to workout this afternoon during yard and I would be able to talk with the “Coach”. I was happy to see the him because it meant he was not on vacation and I would have an answer today regarding my status. I went back to my bunk and listened to my CD Radio player. I needed a break from writing and I am still looking for a good book to read so I just relaxed and listened to the news from San Francisco on the radio.

As I was listening to the radio, I was keeping an eye on the (real) training class outside. Even though morning yard was cancelled the real training class was still going on because today was the day one for this class. Also, I should have been outside helping as an instructor but I was relegated to watching it from my window. Watching the class I realized how good the job of instructor would be and I think I would be fairly good at it. The class does start out very slowly introducing the inmates to the power walking, jogging, and exercises. It appeared to be very slow moving which would take some getting used to because most of my exercising sessions is anything but. I do have to remember the Instructors are there to assist, coach and instruct, exercising is just a by-product of the position. There will be plenty of time for me to exercise when the class has finished.

It was now fast approaching 11:00 am and the rumor in the dormitory was the afternoon yard was cancelled. Of course, I don’t believe anything until it is confirmed by someone other than an inmate but I was very discouraged by this information. The C/O came to the dormitory a few minutes later to unlock for some of my dorm mates returning from various administrative appointments. When I saw him I asked if we were going to have afternoon yard and he responded, “No”. There was no explanation just a “No”. There is no need for an explanation and now I was very disappointed after hearing this; I asked the C/O if I could get outside so I could speak with the “Coach”. He took a look toward where the “Coach” was standing which was in front of the training class and tuned back toward me and said “No, he is busy now.” Then he locked the door. Even though I really wanted to speak with the “Coach”, I did not press the issue with the C/O because all my other dealings with this C/O have been very positive and I didn’t want to get on his bad side. I just watched as he locked the door and bit my tongue.

I stood by the door for the next hour in hopes of getting outside when the training class took a break for lunch. I watched the remainder of the class and around 12:30 pm the class was finished. A few of my dorm mates ((two) are in this class and they were headed back to the dormitory. I knew the C/O would provide them with an unlock and I was hopeful to reach the “Coach” during this unlock. As my dorm mates were walking toward the dorm I watched the “Coach” have a meeting with all the Instructors for a minute or so. When this meeting was finished, all the Instructors were headed for their dorms and the “Coach” was headed for his office. Their day was over and the problem was I cannot access his office by going out into the yard. I needed a gate pass or ducat in order to gain access to his office. As soon as I saw the “coach” go towards his office I knew today was a nothing day. I didn’t even ask the C/O if I could go outside when he gave my dorm mates an unlock, it was not worth it. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully our temporary lock down will be over and we will be allowed outside.

When I realized getting outside to exercise and talking to the “Coach” was not going to happen I thought about doing an exercise routine in the dormitory. The problem is the dormitory is very small and the space I could work on rests between my bunk and my neighbor’s bunk. Some of my dorm mates exercise inside the dormitory but the one time I tried it I felt very uncomfortable. With the way I sweat during a workout it will invariably drip into a place it should not and this has the potential to be very bad. All of my dorm mates are very cool and it may not be a problem but I decided to rest (for the second day on a row) today. If we are on an extended lock down then I will certainly workout inside. But not exercising today certainly won’t kill me but I look forward to do “something” tomorrow.

Today was one of those down days. I seemed to get into a bit of a rhythm with my routine which was ended today. I was hopeful when I woke up this morning, but that turned into more frustration. Thankfully, I have a very good foundation in my recovery or today could have been much worse. All of the things which happened today were well beyond my control. I am at the mercy of the system and I do accept this fact. There is nothing I can do except to look forward to tomorrow morning where I will start the process once again. Maybe today was yet another one of those “tests” which I know are only temporary and my reality will begin with my family very soon.